again with 'i got nothing'....

again with 'i got nothing'....

*We have a new game we're playing of late. It's called 'Baby'. She acts like a little baby, wants a bottle, wants to be snuggle up and hear, 'shh shh shh little baby' while she says, 'waa, waa' in a soft little voice. She looks up at me with a smirky face while all 4 miles of legs and arms hang over mine and she takes the baby bottle in her mouth and I sing to her and tickle her chin and kiss her face for long stretches of time. I feel like she's throwing me a snuggle bone and I could not care less.

*We're leaving tomorrow for VT. While we were in FL, Bear broke the blower motor on my car. And he decided to take the car apart tonight to see what the problem is. Even though I have an appointment at a garage for 8am. Even though they'll be a little pissed when I cancel their first appointment of the day, but what can be done?

Why cancel, you ask? Because my rockstar husband took out the blower motor and fixed it. Took it apart, shook corroded no doubt toxic shit all over the kitchen table and then set to with wire brushes and other stuff and fixed it. He's so hott when he's fixing stuff. Man!

*Got the canal for my botched root canal filled today. Highly unpleasant but I remain in awe of my dental guru. AND! I asked him if I could have a gold star or a bezel set stone on my new tooth/cap and he said he'll try to do it for me! Do you love him or what?!

*I should be cleaning but I'm going to finish watching Shark. I'm up here because I'm so spoiled by TiVo that I can't bear to watch a show in real time. I have to be able to zip through commercials unless they look fun. I am only watching fun commercials. So. A LOT of zipping ...

*Speaking of tv, I also liked 'October Road' that was on for a minute. I would watch boring commercials with Laura Prepon because I have a girl crush on her, but I see the absolute crap storylines may be causing troubles. That stupid pregnancy show is on in its place this week. Trouble on the horizon??!! Here are my suggestions for you, October Road writers:

~ why didn't Nick come back? c'mon. give us some sort of reason?! Hannah and his friends seem so fun. he would have called. his mom? his dad? he got his bro into the drugs that you've explained make him so stupid? epic crabs? eurotrash homosexual love affair??!!! many possible reasons but no explanation....

~ you can't have Nick kissing one of his students already. he's in love with Hannah, duh. we don't want him to be morally corrupt before you even get picked up. duh duh duh. we want him to keep trying to get back with Hannah. and what is most likely his son. duh!

~ Big Cat would never ever have gotten Hannah. period. you could have him chasing her, but smooching her? BUYING HER A HOUSE? NEVER CUTTING HIS HAIR SINCE HIGH SCHOOL????!!!! no, I don't think so...

~additionally, no way is Hannah going to let Big Cat's cretin sons harass her boy. she should poison those rotten rugrats.

~ october road is a stupid name.

~ um, did you really call the fat girl 'Janet The Planet'?! wtf?

~ and when former high school hott guy realizes he likes said 'planet' (yeah, you really piss me off with that one), allow him to deepen his character. please don't let HER get sucked into his shallow pool by agreeing to be his closet booty call. really hard to recover from that in a nice way.

~physical Phil is the best part of the show. but he totally would have helped that old lady. shame on you. i missed the last episode but i hope he nailed the crap out of pizza freak.

~ give Hannah something smart to say. that bit about the peanut allergy in the bar? don't get me started. I want to continue to watch Laura Prepon so NBC I'm begging you, stop letting your nieces and nephews write this show as extra credit for 8th grade. thank you and I must go watch the snarky brilliance that is Shark.**

**these impromptu rants would be better if I thought about them, did a draft, EDITED....but too bad.

bear says "boring"

bear says "boring"

My loving husband has informed me that the blog has been boring.

It's true.

You see, I'm sick to death of being sick. I'm sick of complaining about it. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. Honestly, I don't even have the energy to complain in my head anymore.

I have about 100 pressing things to do. I'm used to being behind schedule since taking on 'stay at home mom' duties which are endless. Actually, physically endless. And repetitive. And not that interesting. Like complaining.

Lately I've been feeling a bit like I'm stuck in the mud. I'm halfway through 10 books and I want desperately to read them all. The house is half clean. My attention is half on my husband ... but 100% on Rio.

I guess I'm being a good mom but I'm constantly surprised at the wells running dry for lack of attention. It's vital to keep a good marriage. I grew up in a house that was a disaster so I don't want mine to be that way, and yet it's shoveling uphill to stay on top of it. I've put off my silversmithing class twice for various reasons. I'm still whipped from 2 weeks 'vacation' and traveling with a wee one. My root canal will be finished this week - but it's still infected because the initial botch was so egregious, I'm lucky my dog didn't loose his teeth as a result! Speaking of dog - his teeth need brushing. He needs brushing. I'm behind on 2 of his vaccines. His nails are long and I've barely walked him in a month. He's become a SAHD shut-in.

I owe thank you notes to about 20 people.

I am LOVING two business projects I'm involved with right now. I look forward to 'doing things' and 'research' and that I get to use my brain a bit. But I have to fight my life for the time to do something besides Sculpy, fingerpaints, and cooking and cleaning.

I'm out of shape because exercising causes my head to throb due to the aforementioned tooth problem! Is it too terrible to tell you that my tooth problem began exactly 2 weeks after I finally got some relief from the botched surgery? No lie, I've had 2 good weeks in 2+ years. Kill me!

What else? I have a UTI that is clearing up. The doc's office never got the lab results from my last one so they aren't sure if it was an actual UTI or if my malady of last year is coming back ... which will require me to be locked in a rubber room of that's the case.

What else?

*Oh, my mom is in rare form of late. And I'm pretty sure she's going to far outlive me so peace and quiet doesn't look good.

*My father blew us off in Florida. He hasn't seen Rio since she's 6 weeks old. I can't even figure out how I feel about it and I'm not kidding. Am I upset? Not really. Disappointed? Not really. Sure about exactly *how I do feel*? Not really.

*Although my darling brother and husband put a spit polish on the house for our return last week, there is something that smells really bad. Somewhere. I can't find it. Sort of a sweet something is rotting smell. That I can NOT find.

*I have familial duties that have been neglected.

See? I could go on and on but I'm sick of hearing it. Sick sick sick of it. I know I'm just in a funk of sorts. But I don't even get the time and space to have a decent funk. Gone are the days of lying in bed watching 15 Law&Orders back to back. Eating ice cream and doing face masks ... all in all it's a totally fair trade, but I sucked every cent of soul equity I had amassed over 40some years to be able to get here today. And here is kind of a mess.

The good news? By the time you read this I'll be fine.

Boring, huh?

new twist on an old favorite

new twist on an old favorite

Okay. Rio is all about defining things and ordering people around and telling who what and all that jazz all 2.75 year olds are into. She does this thing where she tells you to do some random thing and then follows her command with 'no saying why'. ?!

Today I left her with Bear. That means she started her nap an hour late, probably had Fritos and ice cream for lunch, and when she awakens she will no doubt be sticky. But she had a funny today. She said to Bear:

rio: Hey daddy, guess what - no saying 'what'.

bear: ...

rio: ... (smiling)

bear: Monkey butt?

rio: (laughing now) YES!

It's a madhouse.

piano = flossing

piano = flossing

We make all sorts of weird bargains. Recently I repeated the message of Bear's dentist, but with my own guilty twist:

me: Bear. Flossing helps to remove the food that is rotting between your teeth. Rotting. And rotting doesn't smell or taste very nice. If you'd like to continue with the kissing part of our marriage, I would again beg of you to floss.

bear: Hmm. Is my breath ever bad? (Ever bad he says. EVER bad? Methinks I better start stocking pins for balloon popping....)

me: ... And, there are studies linking flossing to a 60% decrease in the odds of developing certain kinds of cancer. So, I would again ask you to floss. There are 47 different kinds in your bathroom right now and you're welcome.

bear: Well. That teatree laced floss *is* intriguing ... I'll give it some thought.

me: (sensing an opening) Tell you what. You pick something that you'd like *me* to change and if you floss I will endeavor to change that thing about me.

bear: Oooo! ... I gotta think about it.

He realized that I wanted him to floss for reasons of personal good (I had 'edification' there, but I thought you'd make fun of me), not punishment. He decided that I should do something good for myself that I didn't necessarily want to do.

So now, with suitcases still unpacked, 2 inch white roots, 100 substantiations for mf reimbursements to create, plus a borderline tenement-gross house, I'm going to my piano lesson.

*plink, plink, plink, no wait!, plinkplinkplink, dammit!*

HERTZ SUCKS

HERTZ SUCKS

Dear Hertz:

Being that my complaints have fallen on completely deaf ears, I am writing you a letter here. I hope google picks it up and you offer me a zillion dollars to take it down because then I will have the opportunity to a) put YOU on hold and b) lie to you. Then I will tell you to c) my virtual foot heading for your virtual d)umbass.

First, I booked with a human being. A human being with a southern accent. Heart warming and ever so slightly difficult to understand at the speed of sound. She was rushing me and she told me that she gets spiffs for signing people up so I did book my car with her. Evidently she gave me the 'I'm in a super rush, y'all!' price, because when I arrived in Florida the nice chunk of a man informed me that it was a different price.

I told him I wasn't sure what to say. Here is my confirmation code and the price, everything included, that I was quoted. He looked at me and I looked at him and ... nothing!

I asked him to please call somebody to see what price was attached to my confirmation number. He shrugged and dialed. Then he turned his back and talked in hushed tones to whomever.

So, he put me on with his supervisor who told me it was a made-up price. And then she didn't say anything else. So I said, "And? You're telling me you won't honor the price quoted to me on the phone by one of your customer service reps?" to which she replied, "That is accurate!". The man gave me some sort of comp for half the amount of the overcharge so I guess that was nice? But still, not what I was quoted. Oh, and instead of a Camry I got a Hyundai. So, Hertz, you're already sucking and I've only made it to the airport.

Happy spot? The nice man who drove me over to the lot was lovely. And he carried my bag and put it on the bus and then carried it to my car. You should give him a raise. Or more of whatever he was on. Either way. End of happy.

He left me in a broiling parking lot. I thought to ask, "The car seat is in, right?" and he assured me it was a car seat rental so, yes. Well, it was. Technically. The car seat was *in* the car, in the backseat in a tangle of hooks and clamps and the seat itself was none too clean. I wiped it off with baby wipes and then set about trying to install it WITH NO DIRECTIONS! Would it kill you to have a little laminated card attached to the thing? Honestly! They aren't all the exact same, ya know. Kinda like how a Camry isn't a Hyundai, but I should have known, right?

It took me forever to figure out how to work the buckles and slide the slides and when I got one side hooked it became apparent I had hooked it upside down and had to jam my fingers between the hot seats to unhook it and rehook it.

Thankfully Rio was exhausted and happy to sit in the front seat while the car cooled off and I wrestled with the car seat. If you want to sell hilarious but mean spirited footage, you should put a webcam on the car seat cars. Nothing funnier than an exhausted mom who's been on two planes and has a tired child and her car seat car is some sort of Survivor challenge. Right? Hertz, are you listening to me or just laughing? At one point, sweating like a horse and swearing like a cowboy, I yelled into the abyss "CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME!?!". The only reply was the shimmery glare of heat off the other cars.

Fine.

Now the time came to return your car. To the airport, as I had requested. My step dad assured me that Orlando is so family friendly, it should be a breeze. Well, if you are one of the other 5 CAR RENTAL PLACES THAT OPERATE AT THE AIRPORT I'M SURE IT WAS EASY!! Hertz, you sucky mcsucks, do not have a return spot nestled alongside 'Dollar' or 'Avis' or 'Budget' or any of the others. Nor did the 'gal' mention it when I asked for a return to the airport. She just said, "Sure thing! Y'all have a niiice trip!" click. I called you on your 800 number and you gave me the local number. I called the desk three times. The first two times I got, "ThankYouForCallingHertzPleaseHold" but you see, I had a plane to catch. So the third time I called back I said "Please Don't Put Me On Hold!" and then your person was rather rude. She gave me directions that did NOT include the left turn I need to make, just the "You can't miss it" which was another lie. After turning around I got in and dropped the car. Either the person checking me in and informing me I was going to be charged more than I had agreed to pay but the legalese won't be on my side ... she was either deaf, non-english speaking or rude. When I mentioned that sharing information like off-site return would be nice, she shrugged and said, "What are you gonna do?".

Indeed.

Then! The woman driving the bus must have been your rude sister. Unless she's related to the owner, I can' imagine how she kept her job. Aren't the drivers supposed to help you on your bus? I extended the handle of my suitcase and left it by the door. I got my baby in a seat and collapsed the stroller and secured it in the baggage area. Then I sat down and started hoping I could still make the earlier plane despite your run-around. I was wrestling a juicebox from my backpack when your driver walked away from the other employee she'd been chatting with, stuck her head in the bus and said, "That yo bag?", pointing with what I now realize was a fingernail that was completely incongruent with physical labor of any sort ... I'm not sure how she drove. Anyway, I got back out and put my bag on myself. That's not so bad. I watched her point out the baggage rack to a nice over-weight elderly couple with, no lie, nine bags. Then she got on the bus and started her up! Happily, she was only gunning the engine and not really driving off while they struggled to throw their bags on board ... funny bus-driving sister you have there!

Here's the thing that really pisses me off, Hertz. When I arrived at the airline ticket counter (sweaty and a bit out of breath toting a giant suitcase, an equally giant backpack, a giant tea set and pushing a stroller!) to see if I could still make the earlier flight, the attendant asked me if I had returned a car to Hertz. I thought she was psychic until she told me that PEOPLE ARE CONSTANTLY HAVING TO RUSH BECAUSE YOU DON'T TELL THEM YOUR RETURN IS OFF SITE! So, it's fair to say I'm not the first to have this problem, yes? Not the first to be the victim of your cruel prank? Not the first person who had to 'run, Stupid Hertz renter, run!'...

Hertz, deceiving people about where the return lot is located is a sucky policy for many reasons. You're not cheaper. You certainly can't be keeping customers for loyalty unless you're courting the sadist population. Your agent should have been able to make the leap between car seat and child and it would have been fucking nice if she'd mentioned I'd need another 45 minutes to return the car.

So, in closing, I wish I'd left the trash in the car. I wish I'd been able to find big road kill to leave in the trunk. I wish my perfectly patient child had pooped through. I wish I had a t-shirt factory so I could print 'Hertz sucks' t-shirts. I wish I had remembered that OJ Simpson used to be your spokesmodel. I'm sure he's still looking for work and he really seems to fit your current business model: rude, deceitful, guilty and pretty sure your lawyer is better than mine.

Piss up a rope Hertz.

Sincerely,
I Would Rather Hitchhike Than Rent From Hertz

go time!

go time!

I'm packed and waiting for the princess to awaken. The garage door opening directly behind our heads didn't do it. The motorcycle starting up in the garage and then idling and then roaring off didn't do it (thanks jim!). Maybe if I try to draw the kitty whiskers that I think would be sooo adorable on her face, maybe that'll do it!

We are going to Orlando to drop the car and fly home. We haven't been away from Bear for this long ever. I don't even think I've been away from him this long since we've been married! I have that 'might throw up' feeling in my stomach I'm so excited to get home. We had a great trip and the beach is always fun, but there is no place like home.

That said, I may have to photodocument the joint when I get home. Bear had a huge list of 'to-dos' for himself but every time I talked to him, he was watching a movie. So, unless 'make new and improved couch indentation' was at the top of a short list, I suspect it will look the same. But with more dust. And bits of food. And socks everywhere ... but still. Yay!

* Is it me or are drivers all over the place getting ruder and more ignorant? Yesterday I was waiting to turn right and I was behind a freaking car carrier and a redneck with tires up to the roof of my car blasted his horn when I didn't stay 2 inches from the guy in front of me. Honestly. I had to wait for a CAR CARRIER TO TURN RIGHT! They're big and long! When he passed me I asked the passenger hanging a farmer tanned arm out the window, "In a rush to get to the redneck ball?". I'm so going to get shot in the head one of these days ...

on the road again

on the road again

I have a friend who phrases her time away from her much traveling husband as 'how many sleeps' to go. Brilliant. So, one more sleep and we'll be home. I almost get a little choked up thinking about it. I hope Bear leaves himself time to park the car so he can meet us at the gate. We don't get back until almost 9pm, but I'm sure Rio will be fine. She's been unbelievably great. Everyone adores her. She rocks.

Loads to report. Loads! It was great seeing my sister. Sad not seeing my dad. Great seeing my step-dad and my grandmothers both remain hot tickets. Yay. So, I'm watching the ginormous television and waiting for Rio to get up so we can 'play tea set and blow bubbles'. Such fun!

things that make you go 'hmmm'

things that make you go 'hmmm'

We went to the beach today. We trekked like desert wanderers, snaking through the oiled bodies until we found a quiet spot. My sister and I put down the bags, spread the towels, got out the water, re-screened ... and I took off Rio's clothes.

Here's the weird part. All of the sudden I was in whacko mode. I think kids should be nekkid on the beach. It's natural. So why was all my hair standing up? I was sizing up every person who walked by looking for who knows what, but I was definitely more out of my mind than usual. Stressed in the least pleasant of ways ... hmmm.

We continue to have a great time and miss Bear and Jacky a little too much. Today she asked if we could go home and 'have a tea party on the purple rug and Daddy can drink tea and Jacky can drink tea' and I wanted to oblige ... but we have many miles before we head home. It's fun being with her so much in a different space. She constantly amazes me with her ability to just roll with the day. That kid is my new role model :)

Tomorrow we're heading to my grandmother's. I've been thinking about my gramps a lot and it might be finally hitting me because I don't want to go there. I love her, love hanging out with her, but I am having a desire to run which usually portends difficult emotional stuff. Hooboy.

2 fun things:

* Lost, as usual, and getting directions from a nice Haitian valet dude. He went on and on and asked if I got it and I said 'Yeah, sure, thanks' and he said, 'Repeat it back to me' and I said, 'Oh my god, how could you tell I wasn't paying attention?!' and he said, 'Easy' and I continued on my wayward way, chastised.

* I will be seeing my roommate from nearly 20 years ago this week. I love her. She's nuts and we had a total blast. When I get back, I'll have the top ten Big D stories.

What the heck are you guys up to?!

xx

bon voyage baby

bon voyage baby

Pretty much packed. Mailed these today for Mich and A:







Still hoping for the best on this adventure even though this sweet child ...




... insists on creating things like this:





So we bid you a fond farewell for now with the reminder to seize the day, stay in your jammies, be messy and miss us for we'll miss you. I'll try to post from the road but, well, no breath-holding.





xxx
the roadshow

your thoughts?

your thoughts?

For the first time ever I am (A) taking Rio on a plane to Florida and (B) listening to the more experienced in the group.

Normally I like to fly it alone ... hahahahahaha ... oh my. I'm not great at taking advice and I've made some pretty epic blunders but we're all alive and we smile and laugh a lot so, yeah, I am just sort of forging my way through unintentional motherhood. But this flight thing has me nervous.

First of all, although AirTran had non-stop flights, I didn't want to risk getting booted off. My darling Rio rarely misbehaves and reading about that kid's tantrum sounds, well, intense, but still, I don't want to be stranded in an airport so we're flying Delta. With one stop each way. In my non-advice taking mode, that seemed like a pretty good idea. The break. Let's all just hope she gets *back* on the plane. This should be great!

Anyway. I am borrowing a dvd player and dvds of the beloved Blues Clues, I have Pringles (which she's never had and I'm counting on lulling her into a chemical coma) and Triminic Licky Strips (they have a real name but this is funnier and they totally gork her in case of emergency ... hey, don't you judge!), and beads for stringing (we made the beads which is why my house is a disaster and my kid laughs like a maniac) but I'd like to open the floor to your suggestions. And no, I can't leave her at home.

So, fire away!

*I am thinking of making a t-shirt for me that says 'I tried to leave her at home' and one for her that says 'Keep staring ... it helps me poop'. Think those will help?!

it happens when it happens

it happens when it happens

Lulu, Bear's sister, was due to deliver twin bundles of joy on May 21st. Then the docs decided perhaps April 21st to be more prudent as she was approaching aircraft carrier size and one was on top of the other, instead of side by side and that one on the bottom was pointed up!

On March 17th, Auntie Lulu and Uncle Kracker became the proud parents of Tahlula and Tinkerbell! The girls are fantastic - high APGAR scores and gorgeous perfect little persons. Mommy is happy and fine and Daddy is insanely pleased. Wish them well as they embark on twin baby heaven. We plan to visit often and possibly move back there if Bear doesn't notice ...

Yay!

wherein I come clean and mortally offend the vast majority of you ...

wherein I come clean and mortally offend the vast majority of you ...

I used to start each day with Howard Stern. He's like Playboy - amazing articles. Seriously. Fully 50% of his content is too disgusting, offensive, idiotic and sophomoric to hold my attention. Then I do what he freely recommends and change the station. But, ah, the other 50%. Hoohaw. Some of the most brilliant interviews in existence. He has no boundaries so what he's able to pull from people is real, honest, bare and true. In those moments he's his best. Whether it's getting a Dixie Chick to talk about a three-some or Jim Carrey talking about his homelessness, it's compelling stuff.

That said, I had to make the choice to stop listening because I don't want Rio exposed to the language and subject matter. It's a valid mom point, but I do miss Howard. When she was down for a nap the other day I had the opportunity to listen to the show on satellite. We're one of the millions of households that have Sirius to have Howard. It was my Christmas gift last year. As an aside, I had a client back in CT who told me it was a ridiculous move on Sirius' part, Howard didn't have that kind of draw, lunatics and imbeciles don't buy satellite radio ... I really should have bought stock. There was zero question in my mind that Howard is a traveling tipping point. But I digress ...

Every couple of years Bear and I get sucked into Apprentice or Idol or Rockstar:INXS or something like that. Guilty pleasure television. Just burning through unused neurons and getting a little outside pseudo-reality based backup that I'm not the worst singer on earth and that I'm smarter than a LOT of 20-something MBA and JD grads .... :) So I was listening to Howard and he was talking about this and I had an aha moment. I could not understand how that lovely boy* has made it so far. I understand Idol putting him through sheerly/shearly for his hair ... but that's just tv. The voting public never ceases to amaze me and this was another instance of proof. Until I realized that Howard was in the mix. Love him or loathe him, you simply must respect his power. He's been instrumental in a number of political elections and it would seem he's tipping the scales of American Idol.

This ought to be the best season ever!

*In the google search to find the link, I scanned some boards, blogs and comments. People are saying it's mean to string this kid along and that Howard and VoteForTheWorst.com are messing with that kid. I say to take a step back and ask why he made it past hundreds of thousands of excellent voices and talents. IDOL packages the show and I'd bet it's to pretty exacting standards. They put this kid in the spotlight so let's remember their motives, as well. You had to know RandyChubbyDawg and SadChildhoodSimon would eat that kid alive. Paula can't even reach into her medicine storage locker to find something to make him palatable ... just some things to remember!

AMA cam

AMA cam

No lie. I feel like I'm on reality television most of the time. About 50 times a day I look around and think, "There simply HAS TO BE a camera on me. No one's life is so ridiculous!" but there are no cameras ... that I can see, anyway ...

Just today:

*3am~ Bear finally comes home. Rio had been up squawking and trying to get into bed with me for her bootcamp workout and I was having none of it. He comes in, comes upstairs and immediately falls into her web. He's changing a dry diaper and I say "Put her back in her bed" and he takes her to the reading chair and starts reading the very long 'Green Eggs And Ham' and then I say "Bed!" when I hear about how great those freaking eggs are and then I hear 'Goodnight Moon' get started and I realize no one listens to me ever.

*9am~ She finally gets up so we're going to have to rush to make it to her gym class where she ignores the teacher and does her own thing while laughing like a lunababy. I'm trying to get her into the car when she informs me, "Mommy, I don't drink from the red cup, I drink from the purple cup and no saying 'no' OR 'why'!". The entire ride to the gym is me explaining the harsh reality of too bad about the cup color.

*10:31~ late for class. Pulling into the parking lot and some asshat almost t-bones me because my right of way silver car passed through an invisibility shield or some such crap. Then he yells 'Fuck you' at me and I am yelling 'Fuck me? Fuck you asshole!' at the top of my lungs while 2 other late mothers are unloading their kids. Nice.

*12pm~ Just trying to make a bank deposit. Rio wants to hang on the dividers so I'm trying to tell her that they're different from the gym and a crazy lady walks up to me and says, "They say I'm too thin, now. Yup. Lost 80 pounds in 90 days." No intro, just launches. "Oh yea?" I say, "Did someone lock you in a closet?" and then I can tell from the horrified look of the tellers that she's not so much crazy as she is mentally retarded and I have just said something pretty wrong to her in front of a load of people...

*1pm~ We get the 'new guy' at the hibachi place. Cuz you want a ringside seat to someone tossing knives and making fires on his first day. Enough said.

*3pm~ Again she won't nap, but wants to be in bed. Hollering. She finally falls asleep. Me, too. So when I wake up at 4:30 and she's still out, well, I know tonight's gonna suck.

*6pm~ As I'm letting her feed Jack her spaghetti one long strand at a time, again with the crazy laugh, I realize that I've lost control over a lot of ground lately ... he's standing with one foot on her chair and she's feeding him and feeding herself and feeding him some more and although I'm thinking about the germs, I'm also thinking that I don't have an argument for 'no feeding Jack at the table' that is likely to fly with her without loads of explanation so I allow the feeding to just continue.

*8pm~ I decide that my husband really is bugging me. I am nasty to him.

*8:04~ It's not him, I'm crabby. I apologize and we're good.

*8:07~ Nope, it's him.

*8:10~ Nope, it's me. Rinse and repeat.

*bedtime~ a misnomer, cuz I now feel the insomnia. And I tripped on Jack in the kitchen and again on the stairs. I can hear Bear snoring and I haven't ironed a shirt for him for tomorrow and if I wear my earplugs I won't get up early and I could really use a cameraman to bum a smoke off and tell him about the time I bungied off a crane 14 stories in the air ...

2 very odd things

2 very odd things

Tomorrow I will be posting an ode to my new dentist, complete with a link and I'll make you pinky swear to go to him if you live within 1000 miles, but for now a completely weird phenomenon....

Bear snores. Loud. With his mouth hanging open and usually pointing at me. When he gets into bed he swishes the down comforter so it blasts cold air into my warm little pocket. And then he hogs the blankets. And he wants to read when I want to sleep and wants to sleep when I want to read. And he starts books that I've already started and makes me feel bad if I want the book back. And he puts his scratchy feet on me but claims sensory aggravation if I put my feet on him and mine aren't even scratchy!

So why can't I sleep unless he's here? He's back at work. Said he was going in 'to run a couple quick arrays', whatever the hell that means. But it was hours ago. I have half a vicodin in me and I am wide awake. Waiting for the loud ass snoring, bed cooling, cover hogging, reading, scratchy footed partner of mine.

*sigh* Love is very, very strange.

gorked

gorked

Maybe tomorrow I'll have the stomach to tell you about the worst, most disgusting bomb in history. Let's just say, Bear left his sister's double delish baby shower to change Miss Rio - and he never came back.

And when I went to recon (what *is* the proper little word? oh, my brain is soooo gone) she was lying in the back of the wagon on a moving blanket, she had nothing on - not even socks, and she was smiling and her daddy was gagging and sweating and shoving all her clothes into plastic bags.

Yeah, I didn't think you'd want to talk about it.

So, anyway ... gorked.

All the way home yesterday afternoon, the smelliest baby in all the land was, well, a pill. Uncoated. Not tasty. She threw things. She said bad words. She cackled like the possessed. She pulled my hair through the headrest with her toes!!!

So by the time the 2 hour ride home had passed we were ready for Uncle Jim's SuperDelish Kool Aid. We finally got her fed, bathed, rebathed, annointed and ready for bed. She didn't look nearly tired enough so I decided we couldn't run the risk of her super bad cold returning so ... I gorked her. Go ahead, judge. But first, let your little angel call you 'otherfuckermay' as only a 2 year old can grasp bad pig latin, and have her call you that with your hair being pulled out at the root by her otherfuckingmay toes! Gorked.

She slept sooooo much, that she got up super early and now won't nap. Or get out of her crib. She's bouncing up and down, singing 'Looooook aaaaat meeeeee!' and she has about 20 animals assembled as an audience and I have started to fear that kid. I go in and say, "Want to get up and play?" and she makes a noise like a rabid dog and screams, "Everyyyyyyyyybodyyyyyyyy move your feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet! Uuuuuuuuuuuse yourrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr hannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnds!" and ignores me.

What the uckfay?

ultimate baby fighting

ultimate baby fighting

Now, you can get all judgey-wudgey, but if ever there was a time I was going to list Rio on Ebay with a 'Buy It Now' of 47 cents, it was the middle of last night.

First, Bear is exhausted. Looks bad exhausted. Works for a bunch of loopy people who change all the major priorities every single day, which is sooo fun for him. So he came home last night totally shot.

We had a baby mosh pit yesterday between 3 and 5. All the moms, 9 kids, wine and snacks and the kids ended up running a racetrack through the house and it was like that scene from this movie and we all were smug in the coming exhaustion levels of our children!*

We were both looking forward to the 'baby so tired she drops off immediately for a long night of much needed rest' so we could do the same.

Not so much. Mine, for no reason I can think of, ate the vast majority of a tub of cream cheese. Ostensibly using a cracker, but solely for its shovel-like properties. Gross. She's never had it before, and as she was shoveling she kept giving me nasty looks whilst jamming 2 tablespoon chunks of white goop into her head.

So, basically, she pooped 4 times last night. And wouldn't stay in her bed. And wouldn't fall back asleep. She asked so sweetly for 'a snuggle with mommy and daddy and my cozy soft blanket' that we capitulated. She alternated between resting her head so adorably on one of us and mercilessly kicking the living crap out of the other. And when she was 'head resting on Bear' she was kicking all up and down my back and scooching around to pull my hair! I wanted to set her outside my window, on the short stretch of wicked pitched roof....

She's sound asleep in our bed. Phone just rang 10 feet from her head and on she snoozed. I'm trying to think of the most obnoxious way to wake her and then I'll do so because we have a class this morning. Any thoughts?! I'm leaning toward shoving things up her nose. Maybe a little cream cheese?

*if the moms will let me i'll post pictures...

filled with cement

filled with cement

Of course, I don't have a lot of time to write this but I gotta get it out. The way I feel right now is chock full of wet cement. Like someone *beepbeepbeep* backed up one of those brightly colored spinning cement mixer trucks and poured the entire load down my throat. Every crevice expanded a little to accept the overflow, and I am now full to capacity.

Why? Hard to say.

*I love spending time with my brother. The circumstances of what can only be described as our warlike, hellish childhood affected us differently. Sometimes, like yesterday, he shuts down so quickly, so violently, I have to check to make sure my toes weren't severed when the gate dropped. I am denied admission and it breaks my heart a little more each and every time it happens.

*We finally emptied the boxes in the garage onto the new bookshelves. When I got to a big box of my art books, we found the damage. Termites? Mice? Mold? Hard to tell but there were bore holes and crumbled boxes and ravaged books everywhere. I felt personally assaulted. Before having Rio I wandered upon Art History and fell immediately and wildly in love. I haven't had the time to pursue it in the least little bit since I naively signed up for the consuming job of parenthood. To see the books destroyed, literally turned to dust ... made me feel like *I* am disappearing. Little by little, holes chewed through, complete destruction in small but irrevocably lost locations.

*I am still not doing well with having no income. No control of the amount of money available to me at any moment. I've gone from 100% autonomy to, I can't describe it. Bear is awesome about never asking what I do with the money he gives me, but he still gives it to me. If I work I miss out on raising Rio. It's not like I could work fulltime ... so what would be the real benefit of parttime? And that lead me to think, "Hell. It's really not SO long. I'm in the home stretch of this incredibly tough, vitally important first 3 years. How lucky I could spend every day with her." I really do feel lucky. And old. I'll be about 45, 46 going 'back to work'. Fuck.

*On a happy note, I have an idea that is great. I am making myself do something every day toward making it happen. Or at least knowing that if it doesn't happen, I tried.

And now, it's time for laundry, breakfast, vacuuming, my reality. Usually, I'm thrilled with what I'm doing. The first few days of this week were just back to back 24 hour hits of 'where did I go?'.

substantiation station

substantiation station

Do you have a flexible spending account where you work? You know, monthly deductions and you have the ease of a Visa for copays and other allowable medical expenses? Well, evidently the IRS has a new protocol. EACH AND EVERY TIME YOU USE YOUR STINKING CARD THAT EXISTS WHOLLY TO 'MAKE LIFE EASIER', you must submit the 3 sheets of paper they send you along with a copy of the receipt for the transaction.

Let's see. There are 3 people in my family. We have checkups, prescriptions, allowable pharmacy purchases, uncovered dental expenses ... so far this month I have 9 substantiation request letters. All mailed separately.

Honestly? Who in the name of holy hell is running this country?????

seriously? no yelling at Bear

seriously? no yelling at Bear

I'm so glad Blogger added a larger type option. Now I can see all the mistakes I make with crystal clarity!

I had a piano lesson on Saturday. It was so much better than great. We jammed a little, talked a little, and I learned a LOT. I've taken one or two lessons here and there trying to find the right fit. So far - no go. But this guy is a.ma.zing. I seriously can't wait for my next lesson!

So I come home from my lesson all jazzed. I'm dying to sit down at the piano and show Bear all I learned IN ONE SHORT HOUR! I walk in through the garage, through the library into the kitchen ... and I see Rio, still in her jammies which was no surprise, reading books on the couch. And then Bear comes skidding around the corner from upstairs. I can see right away that less than 2 minutes ago, he was sound asleep. He has mofo creases on his face.

me: Where you SLEEPING?
bear: Whaaaat? Sleeping?!
me: *bursts into tears*

Here's the thing. I don't get a lot of time to myself. I typically use the bathroom for each and every function with an audience and commentary. I no longer go to the gym (long story and I can't believe who DID and who did NOT get fired) and I don't really 'do' anything for myself these days. I snatch moments when she's sleeping, but that usually coincides with Bear coming home for lunch and the bottom line is, if I could hear myself think the strangeness of my voice might startle me.

And! When he's wrong, dead wrong, he gets an attitude that makes me want to go to the store, buy golf shoes and clubs, come back home, club him and then stomp him with the golf shoes. He's *that much* of a prick when he's wrong. George Bush has more sincere apologies than Bear ... okay? So, while the 42,000 ways my darling baby could have been killed or maimed were careening through my head, the guy I'm supposedly stuck with for this entire lifetime says, "What? She's fine by herself for a few minutes."

I sent him grocery shopping. I had a chance to cool down. We were able to really discuss it and he was just as angry as I was at himself. Or so he believes ...

Funnily enough, he spent all day today doing things I wanted him to do! Bookshelves were bolted to walls! Boxes were unpacked! Other boxes went into the basement! Tables were moved! Lamps rewired! I got a million sweet hugs today for no apparent reason.

Really, you'd think I had golf shoes around here somewhere ...

the secret to a happy marriage

the secret to a happy marriage

Seriously though? Because you're all thinking it must be something huge, right. Nope. Just these.

I'm not even kidding. Bear usually falls asleep first and 'accidentally' he slides over toward me with his head hanging open like Terrence snoring so fricken loud you think, 'that can't be real! he must be faking! maybe he's dying AND I'LL GET SOME EFFING SLEEP!!!!', but that's just how he rolls.

Yeah, so I happened upon these bad boys and tried them out. (With the double links and all it's tempting to think I'm on the payroll, but I really just love these more than chocolate. Almost as much as chocolate. Okay, nowhere near as much as chocolate but I *do* loveloveLOVE them!).

*blinks*

Can you believe I'm not on ADD meds?! Anyway, I twirl them just so and slowly, softly, the soften and then erase the barnyard sounds from the pillow next to mine. I'm getting rest, real rest, for the first time ever. Wild.

shhhh

shhhh

My new dentist emailed over the weekend *swoooon* to let me know of a cancellation today at 2pm. For the root canal redo ... shoot me. Anyway, I accepted which means I could not go to a fabulous lunch at my in-laws which makes me sooo sad BUT not sad enough to go another 8 days with a throbbing mangled tooth. explanation: Almost 3 years after a stupid kid hit Bear's car hard enough to rip the seat from the frame, the other side has finally gotten around to scheduling a deposition. So we all planned to have a little daytrip. So the plan was for Bear to take Rio and have a nice lunch and then go to his deposition. We were to leave at 9am.

Bear decided to go into work for just one thing.

It is 11:25, they left 5 minutes ago. He got back here after 11 and still had to shave and shower. I had his clothes ironed and laid out, his lunch packed, snacks, drinks and diapers in the car and the car running.

I could honestly hit him in the head with a giant steel clock.

But! I now have 1.25 hours all to myself before I have to leave for the dentist. I'm not taking calls, I am cleaning up AND I'M LISTENING TO HOWARD100 AT FULL BLAST!

This is a little sad, non?

:: amended to add ::
I had the best root canal today. I'm not even kidding. I am a little bit insanely in love with my new dentist. If you live within 1000 miles of Brookline MA, you must see him! *swooon*

lamo-rama

lamo-rama

We have spent hours upon hours this weekend watching home movies. Of Rio. Eating, grunting, trying to roll over, sort of just laying there ...

And we have spent hours upon hours sitting, rapt, with goofy grins.

Oh, we are sooooo parents.

beading frenzy

beading frenzy

The last 2 years have been tough. Physically. Emotionally. Tough. I had the botched surgery, a baby, a wonderful ADD-ridden husband, a big move away from everything comfy and sane, a death or 8, just tough. It became apparent that I would need something to 'take me away' besides the pills and booze. So I picked up beading.

Not nearly as effective as the pills and booze, but much less liver damage.

Last night I spent 3 hours sorting donuts and daisies, bicones and briolettes, gemstones and uh, gross ones ... but it occured to me I was calm. Peaceful. Engaged. Filling little containers with the perfectly sorted items. Making labels for things that need labels ... Gorked* on beading.

Stick a fork in it. The party pig, the dancing queen, the drunk slut has left the building.

*Speaking of 'gorked' ... although I've tossed about 40 bottles of stuff given to me by a myriad of doctors guessing at what was causing all the problems ... I still had 2 bottles of things that look and sound sort of the same. One bottle contains the pills for when I feel as though I'm tinkling barbed wire. I thought I was taking one yesterday but instead I took one of the early experimental pills. It sets my entire esophageal tract on white hot fire and then slowly halts the voluntary muscles of most of my major systems. So, it went like this:

Wow. That burns. .... uh oh. Oh NOOOOOOO! (whump. collapses with mouth open.)

Fun stuff. Really. I should set up a webcam ...

straightened out

straightened out

Bear's habit has been to set the alarm and then get back into bed. Four or five times, beginning at 5:30 or 6am. Until couples counseling. He agreed to set it and get up. Which he modified to 'get up, grab a blanket and oversleep on the purple couch downstairs'. Our counselor, in a grand and misguided moment of inspiration, made the couch off limits! for the mornings.

So, this morning he got up, made coffee for himself, and then woke me up because I was laying crooked in the bed. That he should have vacated. But he was getting BACK into to slurp coffee and blow his nose in such a way that every elephant on this continent perked its ears because it thought it heard its mother calling.

Bastard!

***

So, yah, the troll thing. I nuked a bunch of this so my blog gives no illusion of being cohesive. It's fair, really. I'll be posting pix of the monkey, Bear dressed up and passed out from the shear exhaustion wrought by our veggie powered maniac baby, stories to catch everyone up, blahblahblah. And I gotta fix this site. Anyone have a suggestion where a mom can pick up a template that doesn't look like ass or cost an arm and a leg. So, a body-part-free template?! Yeah, that's what I'm talking about...

***

This kid bugs the living crap out of me. He whines constantly and he can't seem to come to the moral lesson of each crudely drawn allegorical tale UNLESS HE'S FORCED, PUNISHED, OR JUST WHINES HIS PARENTS TO DEATH! Of course Rio's seen it twice and asks for him by name. Shoot me.

In an effort to get her mind off questionable PBS whine-a-thon shows, I bought her this and this for her viewing pleasure. I'm either the best mother in the world or the worst. Can't tell. Most days are like that ...

the more I think about it...

the more I think about it...

The more I miss good old AMA. Once upon a time I let a troll chase me out of here. I changed my mind :) I'm baaaaaaaack!

over the hill and through the woods...

over the hill and through the woods...

I know it'll be fine at the new doctor's. I'm sure the pronation and ankle angles and flat footedness is no big deal to anyone. But me. I know this is all part and parcel of a very manageable situation.

So why am I in tears?

Off to Children's Hospital - bound to lift my spirits.

suddenly

suddenly

Suddenly, my little dog Jack can't bear to be separated from me. He's all jiggly and whiny when I return from a short time away. He follows me from room to room and has the obvious need to be in my lap whenever I'm sitting. If I leave my desk, as I just did, for a cup of coffee he leaps off his chair and quickly and closely follows me to the kitchen and back.


me: Bear, Jack is acting strange lately, don't you think?

bear: I know it. When you were outside with Rio he was all 'Yeee, yeee, heee, wooo, arrrr, yiiii'.

me: I hope he's okay.

bear: He's fine. Just went to the vet. Maybe he knows something, like, you know how dogs have a weird sense about things? Maybe you're gonna die or something....



It's so great to have him around to ease my mind.


:: NOON UPDATE ::

So, we go get Lewis at school. He's flying back to DC on Thursday so he'll be here doing laundry, stripping wallpaper, you know, he's my handmaiden for a couple days... Rio is down for her nap and I stay upstairs.

Jack, sensing some impending doom, whines at the bottom of the stairs so he can come up. Of course I capitulate and hope he's not in a barkariffic mood so the babe can get a full nap.

So, no barking but he's *under* a little bench, digging and whining and I think he might be the one losing his mind first. Not like it's a race or anything, but still.

I'm nervous.

falsies

falsies

the wedding, part one

the wedding, part one

Very quickly because I have to go to the store while the nugget rests her precious little head. I just made bangin' spaghetti sauce and meatballs so I'm going to get some good bread and we're out of a zillion things, too.

The wedding was....okay. We were the absolute last people in and I hate to be late so there was that. I saw Eddie standing outside the room for the ceremony so I got a chance to say 'hi' and 'congratulations' and he said 'you look wonderful' and 'it's so great you came' and then, the ceremony.

We were seated on the outskirts with people from work and a girl and her husband who were friends with his last serious girlfriend who probably actually blew vessels in both her eyes when she heard he was getting married because she realllllllly wanted to be Mrs. Eddie.

And then Bear actually shh-ed me because I was cracking jokes that he thought were inappropriate while Eddie's father was giving his speech which he was only doing because snipers were posted in the overhang because his dad is completely disapproving of this union and has said so!

So, I got shh-ed and ignored and I didn't feel so welcome. I wish I'd thought about that before I tortured myself with false eyelashes, but I'm an optimist. Optimistic that people who share deep feelings can translate that into care and respect for a lifetime. I've always felt that for the special people in my life; but I suspect I'm alone in that.

Maybe this isn't part one. Maybe this is all the thought it deserves. I realized that I don't know anything about him anymore and that space he lived in when we were close is gone. He's so different; playing a new role that has no walk-on parts for the past. Besides his family and best friend, I didn't know a soul. No reminders of who he once was, nothing. Strange.

Well, if Bear ever gets married again, there is no way I'm going.

I'm kind of scared...

I'm kind of scared...

Uh, I'm sitting at my computer waiting for Rio to wake up and I see a flash outside. Then a HUGE CRASH OF THUNDER sounds twice. The weird thing is that it is snowing like a mofo outside right now. Sideways. White-out. And thunder?!

Is the sky broken? Is this okay? Is this even possible? Am I awake?!

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.....

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.....

I don't know if any of you remember that I got a John Deere tractor for Mother's Day. Might be that 'mother' is only half a word.....but anyway. Evidently, for Christmas I got some parts to go with my beautiful tractor.




Here is Bear putting on the chains and hooking up the gears and levers and other thingies. My car is in the driveway, getting snowed on. His is, too.

And it really did snow. Quite a bit! Here is a picture that Bear ran out in his bathrobe to snap.







Yes, that is a cowboy hat. No, my ears are not warm - but don't I look cool?!

*Bear came home for lunch so he could snowblow the driveway. We really need to see about getting a life....

I want to be in the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program

I want to be in the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program

Because I can't handle the holidays. I'm fine, but I become consumed thinking about those that aren't.

I do have a happy note here. I found a new vet. Boobah's mom recommended someone. When I say that meeting her at Baby Yoga has been a lifesaver, I'm not kidding.

So we went to the new vet. First with Jack. To test the waters. I was comfortable and everything went well. Then I brought Hobbes. The last vet recommended giving him a 'goodnight Irene' cocktail. I declined. And brought him to a fancy-shmancy dog behaviourist. So he's on Prozac. And he's much, much better.

I told the new vet every stinking detail so she could best decide how to deal with him. She was gentle, not at all squeaky, and she gave him a shot and emptied his anal glands. Sorry folks, but I have the most ass-squirtinest dog in the Northern Hemisphere. So, she was great and he was great and I was extraordinarily grateful. She liked Hobbes quite well, as did the office staff. "Beautiful" and "Sweet" and "So well behaved under stressful circumstances" were all accolades thrown about. *whew*

I love those dogs like they are my children. Because they are. I've been to hell and back with Hobbes AND Jack and hell isn't half so bad as having someone besmirch your dog. I love them and we're all safe and sound and that's that.

Ok. Me and Rio just took a bubble bath and it was as much fun as you'd think. She's growing and talking in select company and walking and learning more signs and practicing more words (but only in her crib because she doesn't know I have her bugged! and I hear "Where's my daddy?" and "Hi Mommy!" and I don't let on...) and all is well in our little corner of this vast, sometimes cruel, often surprisingly wonderful Universe.


AND! I've decided on a wedding gift. Fun martini glasses and a note saying we helped to make the holidays happy for someone without their good fortune. A glass to raise a toast to happiness and health and good fortune.

Hey. It's the secondish wedding for both and I'm fully intending to put a smile on the face of a kid I don't know over this consumer frenzy known as "The Holiday Season".

xxx
nita

outta curiosity....

outta curiosity....

We'll be attending the marriage of a dear friend of mine, charming lad, friend from childhood, we go way back, _{he was my first love}, on Saturday.

I can't exactly give him "Hope this marriage works out better than the last one" t-shirts and Bear has charged me with finding/buying/wrapping the gift.

How much would you spend? I've never been one to shop off a registry - should I start now? I'm terribly interested in your thoughts....and yes, Bear has reached actual rockstar rating for saying 'I'd love to attend that wedding with you!'. I don't have to shop for *his* present, if ya feel me....

the fun never stops

the fun never stops

Miss Rio loves her some raisins. Magnificent organic raisins that she shoves into her mouth in great quantity and immediately asks for more of the plump goodness. Occasionally, she'll pick one off a fistful and share with a nearby pooch. But she sure does love her raisins.

So imagine my surprise at a diaper that looks to be full of grapes. Perhaps if she chewed them, they wouldn't sail wholesale through her intestines, grabbing moisture and rehydrating and I wouldn't live in fear of diaper changes. Did I sign up for this? I don't remember signing up for this.

***

On another note, for I don't want to leave you with that image clouding your day....She has learned the signs for 'clean-up' and 'airplane'. She is still doing that bonking of fists and looking at me like I'm some sort of moron and we're still trying to figure out what it means...but anyway. She loves airplanes. Every time she hears one, she stops and goes to a window to look up. So Bear was watching the most tedious pilot instruction video ever and he taught her the sign. Now when she sees or hears a plane, she throws the airplane sign and smiles. What fun!

Just think what fun the naysayers will have in about 2 years when it's time for her to go to school and she ends up at the school FOR KIDS WHO CAN'T/WON'T TALK!

Focus

Focus

Seriously. My mind is all over the place. I think I have ADD. The only time I was ever task oriented was in the 80's when I may or may not have been under the influence of what could have been known as a speed-like substance. Man, I can never run for political office thanks to 'cache'ing....

Where was I? Oh! No focus. But I'm working on it. Developing my own little strategies, as it were....

*moving day
I talked to Mark, who continues to rue the day....and the new and improved site should be available for viewing within the week.

*all things doctor related
I put everyone's appointments on the calendar. We all know when and where we're supposed to be getting poked and prodded. I feel like a medical secretary. And we all know how I feel about being a secretary...

technoridiot
I finally did a bloglines thing. I read over 50 blogs. No wonder my eyes hurt and my house is a disaster and my roots need doing and my nail are unpainted and speaking of unpainted, hey, how about the fucking teddybear trim in our guest room.....

AND

I tried to email a zipped folder so Mark could trickify the pictures for my ROLLING FLASH BANNER *swoons with excitement* and I couldn't email it so I had to attache 5 photos to 6 emails and I'm pretty sure Mark is rueing and taking down all virtual presence links so I can't reach him.....

*weekends
I had to cancel on my pals visiting Boston because I'm exhausted. The thought of packing up Miss Rio and heading to Boston for breakfast and then coming home in time for her one measely nap and getting the housework done and shopping and figuring out the logistics of the trip to Connecticut tomorrow...ugh! So I called and she is a very good friend who didn't make me feel lame for one second. A feat these days...so we're going to Connecticut to see some grandparents tomorrow. Luckily, Bear and I love to travel in the car together cuz we have actual talk time uninterrupted. I miss that guy these days...

*messy messy messy
There are a few rooms in the house that are disasterous. I need bookshelves and elves to put the books away. I need fun containers and things that stack but are safe for babies to hang off and a way to cut the nails of dogs who insist they don't need nails cut and ways to sort the copious amount of paper laying around and time to put the plastic sheets containing recipes I cut out all the time into some sort of order and a way to massage my wrists while typing cuz they're getting sore and maybe a source for oxygen masks CUZ I KEEP FORGETTING TO BREATHE!!!! I'm kind of a mess. Not sure why. Just sure that I'm kind of a mess these days. I suspect I know the real reason but avoidance is in my genes....

*Brad Pitt sucks
I used to enjoy his stupid movies. I used to be able to lose myself in the heist, giggle at his twitching insanity, marvel at the smart roles he chose....not so much anymore. I've been dying to see this but the whole time I had some stupid National Inquirererer discussion running through my head.

"Intense look there. I wonder if they were fucking yet."
"Hot scene. I wonder if they were fucking yet."
"Looks rough. I wonder if they were fucking yet."
"Her back is 'hangy' in that shot. Hahahaha! I wonder if they were fucking yet."
"Vince Vaugh might be as hott as Brad. I wonder if they were fucking yet.Brad and Angelina, not Brad and Vince...."

Honestly. The soundtrack in my head has an audible buzz......

top 5 reasons I am the world's worst secretary

top 5 reasons I am the world's worst secretary

1) I throw things
I just threw everything off my desk in a fit of pique. I'm working with the Benny Card people, who I hate, and I have to justify our purchases at fucking CVS cuz, you know, we're buying cars and furs there with our cafeteria spending plan....yeah, so, I couldn't find tape on my messy desk so I cleared it by throwing everything on the floor. Now I have tape to tape the receipts for the things OUR INSURANCE COMPANY WOULDN'T PAY FOR SO THAT'S WHY THE AMOUNT IS WEIRD...I now can tape the receipts and fax them.

2) I swear a lot
I was trying to fax the taped receipts and they are too fat for the fax machine so it rejected them twice and quit the transmission and printed me a NICE FUCKING COCKSUCKING SHEET THAT EXPLAINS THE SON OF A BITCH PAPER GOT JAMMED. Twice. I said the capitalized words out loud.

3) I could never have an office affair
I hate having to take care of this shit so much, and I swear about it so loud, that no matter what I wear or how provocative I may be, I'd never be approached for the old 'on the desk' action, because I am seething with fury which makes me furrow my brow, negating any provocativity...

4) I suck at this job
I got this memo from the big man (Bear) the first week in November. They will be turning our card off again on December 5th if they don't receive the substantiation. I'm just getting around to it now and I totally have an attitude about it.

5) I have high expectations
If my boss gave me some lame holiday flowers, I'd have even more attitude. I would much prefer something like this from Dotflowers because I like the message about the affection and respect. And it costs over $200 bucks. So, if my boss gave me his credit card in that ultimately condescending manner of 'buy yourself something pretty' I would most certainly get a $200 casket piece AND the Godiva goodie bucket because nothing says "I am defining my own holiday bonus" like beautiful (and expensive and casket) flowers and a bucket of chocolately goodness.

*If you're a secretary, seething at your desk and fighting with office equipment and your boss tosses you a card with a 'take care of this for me' on the way to his 3 martini lunch, get yourself some of theeeeese! Can anyone tell what I'm supposed to be doing while I'm blogging?!

evaluation update

evaluation update

First of all, thanks for the kind words. You guys are the best!

There were no real surprised in the evaluation. She's at about 13 months for gross motor and for expressive ability. I know those 2 are tied together, and she is babbling more as she walks more.

Considering they average in her lack of verbal speech and have no math for her extensive sign language (!), she came out at 20 months cognitive. That's great. I know she's worlds ahead of the curve on those sorts of things so I don't worry much. I really just want to know that the physical toll on her little body from the torticollis and plagiocephaly is being resolved. I don't want her to walk in flat-footed circles and have some specialist say, "We totally coulda fixed that a year earlier....", so we evaluate and therapize and worry.

Fun things from her eval:

*They try to get her to use a ruler to fish something out from under the couch and thank GOD I vacuumed this morning! So, the woman shoves the toy under and hands Rio the ruler. Rio hands it back and signs 'help'. The woman does nothing so Rio signs 'help' with great vigor and raised eyebrows. The woman still waits passively. Rio chucks the ruler in her lap and walks off. So much for that test!

*They want to know about drinking from a cup. How much spilling? How adept is she? At this time when they said 'drink' she signed it and handed one woman a water bottle. The woman said 'no' so Rio took the top off and drank it herself. With no spills. From the bottle. She passed that one!

*They give her little blocks to stack. She should be able to stack 3. She stacked 7. Twice.

Loads of other cute little Rio things. Then she tired of the women and signed for 'sleep'. I said, 'Can you wait a minute?' and she shook her head 'no' and signed 'sleep' again. So, she went down for her nap.

*siiiigh*

Same as last time. I know her so well. I know she understands and I know she's the kind of person who wants to be able to do something well before she tries it. She is very much an observer and you can see the wheels grinding in her head. I know if she had to, she could probably talk quite well. But she signs very well and that's good for her for now. I hope we don't have to beef about this in the future, but I don't want to worry about things that haven't happened yet so I'm taking a pass on this issue for now. If she couldn't sign, she'd be frustrated, and probably hungry! She would NOT have such shiny teeth and I would be seeing her sad face much more often so....

She is walking. She's made 6 months of progress in 6 months so the therapy people are pleased. I love her more and more every minute and I now understand the concept of infinity.

It's just, it's just, having professionals check out your child and check boxes and make decisions and judge her....

I wonder if we have any gin around here....

elephants in the living room

elephants in the living room

I don't have the time or energy to get into the big stuff so I'll just hint about it and then get back to it later this week.

*Alex. Whew, twelve years gone now. I was okaaaay this year. Rio helps.

*Bear was sick for 4 days. Didn't move sick. Slept all day and night sick. I thought just a little bit about when we're old, you know, in the next 5 years, and I thought again about how I always wanted to be just me. Not care so much about another person.

*Jack got shut in the laundry room by mistake while we were gone. He clawed almost all the way through the sill around the door. Was inconsolable when we got home from vacation even though the sitter really is nice, if not hyper-vigilant.... I've carried him more than Rio this week. He likes it.

*I couldn't tell you where in the HELL my baby brother has been for the last 2 months.

*Mom gave me and Rio a bunch of jewelry. She says it's so no one else gets it when she dies. I know she's never going to die.

*My friend Suzy's ex-husband, who is also my college roommate's brother, who is also the son of one of my favorite person's best friends, who always served me when I was 16, who also painted really cool fish sculpture thingies...died last week. Lymphoma. I can't tell Suzy.

*My first love is getting married, again, and we're going, for the first time, and I don't know WHAT to wear. Damned skippy my tiara will be involved in the final outfit...

*And I guess the big thing that I really don't want to talk about (and not just a little cuz I now think of the lurkers enjoying my discomfort so I don't want to really talk about it til I move, which is taking a while cuz Mark was sick and now is busy and I was busy and now, well, still busy....) where the hell was I??!! Oh! I don't want to talk about the fact that Rio has her 6 month evaluation with the Early Intervention people tomorrow. She's walking around like it's no big thing, she's talking more, she points at planes and makes monkey, dog and cat noises....SO I DON'T WANT TO HAVE A BUNCH OF PROFESSIONALS IN MY HOUSE TELLING ME WHAT'S FUCKING WRONG.

Yeah, so, I feel like I'm in the middle of a suck-fest but I'm sure it'll pass. Soon. Fuck.

uh oh

uh oh

I have a long post re: Thanksgiving percolating in my head and I'll get to it soon.

But.

We have trouble in Paradise. You all know about Rio's signing. Yeah. She now knows:

up
more
hungry
thirsty
milk
want
help
play
all done
sleepy

and she's working on duck

but there is a new development. She's been doing this weird sign that is all new. A grabby type of things with upturned fists and then she balls the fists and hits them together.

She's patiently learned the signs we have been using. Now she's making up her own and we've got to figure it out.

That kid should have come with a valium patch for mommy.....

gobble gobble

gobble gobble

The original landgrab is celebrated the last Thursday of November. Weehaw. The second wave of colonists was about to go the way of the Jamestown bunch that sort of just, uh, disappeared. So, the Native Americans helped a brother out. Showed them what to grow and how. Helped them survive the harsh climate. And we now live in what's referred to as "New England".

*siiiigh*

I have a long history of hating Thanksgiving. BUT! Bear has a couple of days off and we're going to be spending the offending holiday with excellent friends and we have a house in Stowe all to ourselves so.....I'm thankful. For my life. All of it. And the people in it. All of them. But I gotta say, this is a time of year when my Mexican Native American parts argue with my White Anglo Saxon parts. A lot.

Enjoy. Chew 12 times - vital digestive stuff happens in your mouth. Bear. See you all in a few days.


do a little dance....

WARNING!

WARNING!

:: warning! warning! ::

If you teach your daughter sign language, she may wake you up at 3am and wildly insist that she wants to brush her teeth.

Thought you'd want to know.


:: questions answered ::
the move
I'm moving soon. Most of the archives have been sifted and reorganized. Mark is sick so the fancy-shmancy part has to wait until after TurkeyDay. I'm hoping to unveil soon :)

sign language
Short version - Rio was diagnosed with torticollis at 2 months. We've been in physical therapy ever since (14 months and counting) for all the things that go along with that particular affliction. Due to her hobbled start, she has a gross motor development delay of 2 - 3 months. That is why she is doing the physical stuff 'late'. She is just getting up and around walking, she didn't sit up unassisted until 8 months, crawling took a while....all those things. I'm eternally grateful that if something has to be 'wrong', that this is it. Part of a gross motor development delay is a delay in speech. No one knows why, but most kids don't really start talking until they are pretty good with the walking. Something to do with the processes of the brain....so, we decided to sign with her. I've been doing certain signs since she was 6 months old. I'd have to track back to see her progression, but she has quite a stable of 'words' to choose from. She rarely cries from frustration because she's pretty able to clearly 'say' what she wants!

Once in a while she'll spit out a sentence. For example, Boobah took a truck that Rio was playing with and Rio looked at me all shocked and said clear as a bell, "My truck!". Haven't heard it again since. I have the feeling that she'll just open her mouth one day and start quoting Shakespeare or rapping, yo, but for now, she's pretty quiet.

So, we sign. And it works for us. "Studies show" that there are no negatives associated with the signing. When kids are ready, they simply drop the signs for the words. Even if Rio was as advanced in her speech as she is in her comedic timing, she probably wouldn't be able to articulate, "I'd like to get up, have a drink and brush my teeth" yet. Especially at 3am. :)

recap: yore and lore

recap: yore and lore

Ok. Last weekend was supposed to be 'Nita time'. Not as much nudity or booze as 'Nita time' of yore, but 'Nita time' nevertheless. So, toward the end of last week Bear told me he had some things that must be accomplished and here's that list:

* install door so I don't have to shovel out the bulkhead this winter to let the dogs out

* clean the floors with his super duper floor cleaner that cost as much as a really nice pair of diamond studs would have....

* switch one baby gate so it doesn't open into a corner and fix the other baby gate that is hanging by some sheetrock threads

* bill mad consulting hours

To that end, he felt strongly that he wouldn't be able to get it all done with a baby. Smart one, that Bear. So... Miss Rio accompanied me on my 'Nita time' weekend. I keep writing 'Nita time' because I really only get to look at it, I don't actually get to haaaave it.

Would anyone like to guess how many items of Bear's must be accomplished list were accomplished? Well, anyone having the audacity to say 'zero', would be a winner!! In his defense, when I called him and told him I was an hour out, he madly threw all his crap onto his side of the garage and made room for my car. Oh, and he did leave me one of each flavor of popsicles; he ate all that remained in the four boxes. Sexy. Oh! And he left me a phone message while he was having a brain freeze.

Half the gene pool, people, half the gene pool...

******

So, last weekend was 'Nita time' plus Rio, and the weekend before was this and so I was thinking perhaps this weekend, maybe a little bit of 'Nita time'.

bear: Did Tommy call me?

me: No, who's 'Tommy'?

bear: The guy from the tattoo studio on Long Island. I told you I'm going tomorrow, right?

me: ...

bear: ... Um, did you say he called?

me: Why is he calling you instead of your guy?

bear: Oh, my guy is on the west coast so I just want to make sure he's going to be there tomorrow....

It bears, haha, telling that Bear has shown up for appointments and his 'artist' has been MIA. Tommy calls to say he can't reach 'the artist' and doesn't really know if he'll be there tomorrow but he sure hopes so.

So, yeah, Bear is going to Long Island tomorrow. To see if his tat guy is going to show. After flying in from Cali today. And not returning any calls. And me and Rio will be sharing all our waking moments right intoooo the weeeekennnnnd.

Oh, and, and, I'm getting to bed so late because I've been pretty busy these last couple weeks and I finally had a chance to watch my TIVO'd shows tonight. And it took forever to watch 2 episodes of Prison Break BECAUSE BEAR KEPT MAKING ME PAUSE TO EXPLAIN TO HIM WHAT WAS GOING ON AND HE DOESN'T WATCH THIS SHOW!!

Honestly. Where are the cameras? There must be cameras following me around to catch that moment that my head actually explodes. Then I'll become the stuff of lore, like those monks that spontaneously combust. Honestly.

:: SATURDAY MORNING 8:15 UPDATE ::

I told him last night to double check if the studio had heard from the artist. Bear declined. A Long Island number came up on caller ID with one ring; I suggested he call to see if the artist was having travel difficulties. Bear declined.

This morning, as Bear was leaving he asked "Is it okay for me to wake Rio up to say goodbye?" Um, I declined.

*ring, ring*

The artist, due to many 'random searches' and 'missed connections', is stuck at an airport.

I catch Bear only 15 minutes onto the highway. He says, and I quote, "Well, Atlanta isn't that far away. Maybe an hour flight so he could be to the studio this afternoon....Should I just go and meet him there?"

Honestly.

:: LAST UPDATE ::

Yeah, so, he stopped for french toast bagels with vanilla cream cheese on the way back to the house. Then I beefed with him some more, and it was looking like a day lost to crabbiness, deserved or otherwise.

Then my aunt called. To tell me more about her brain surgery. And how her husband was being so great and how she wrote a letter to my other aunt that *she* beefs with. Not in case she died, she said, but just to let her know that she loves her and hopes to get back to sisterly love again soon. My other auntie brought over pizza and they talked. About the important things.

So, Bear is at Lowes, getting a door. Me and Rio were coloring and now she's zonked - the flu shot took it out of her. Before he left to get the door, I made him give me a kiss. Then another. Then another really good one. It's all about the important things, I guess.

mental note

mental note

Don't slather the baby with soothing lavendar lotion and then try that 'both ankles with one hand' maneuver to get the diaper under her. Very slippery, much as I'd image a greased piglet would be....

weekend update

weekend update

:: Miss Rio ::
Miss Rio is used to her own bed. That makes me tempted to never leave home but, alas, social engagements beckon.

We headed up on Friday and I won't bore you with the sleeping minutiae, but it kinda sucked. Good thing about her is that when you pick her up after all the screaming, she is happy as can be. She stayed up eating Quackers and drinking juice and signing and singing and my hosts didn't really care if she *ever* went to bed! When we did, she kept screaming so I grabbed her up and lay down on my bed....and she fell asleep. Right there with me. Usually, okay, she never does that. Even when she needs a midnight snug or a drink, she wants to go back to her bed. Truly, her mother's daughter. So, yay us! Snugging! Sleeping! And I'm sure all the bruises and tender spots from being kicked and punched and flailed upon all night will fade soon...

:: The ParTay ::
So much fun. A friend's surprise 60th (my friends range in age from 12 to 112) and it was great to see so many Stowe peeps. I got a job offer or two, lots of reconnecting and catching up, and I had a really great time. So glad I went!

:: Bloggy Love ::
Whilst at the above mentioned party, I thought "Too bad Rock Grrl and her man weren't in Stowe *this* weekend cuz I would have brought them here and they would have had much fun!" And I'm pretty sure I have a hot lead for Mark that I need to follow up on.

And then, with all the driving time I called my pals and caught up and then had time to think of Jen and how hard it has been with her aunt dying and this poor woman and how much mean people suck, and I was wondering if the former Bond Girl was back and if she brought me a present....

And then, when I was driving up to Vermont, I saw a vanity plate that said "REMPDG" and I decided that it meant "rapid eye movement pretty darn good" and that made me think of Will and his gay sleep disorder and that's not even the weird thing. The weird thing is I passed the same guy with the REMPDG plate again on the way home!! Honestly, I'm having a very strange little life here....

and, she's up!

and, she's up!

She's walking. Some 14 months of physical therapy at least once a week has paid off!!

She does look a little like a drunk on a bed of hot coals....but she's walking! Oh, and she smirks when she does this, too. Looks at you, smirks, and starts the zombie swagger.

I totally love this kid! And now, we're off to Stowe for a party ... See you Sunday!

some things can still make me cry

some things can still make me cry

The Blogslog of '05 has me sifting through many many old posts. This one really hauled me back to the terror of the early days.

We are so comfortable with each other now. I know her so well and she works me like a job! It's a really beautiful place we're at, with each other. This motherhood thing is so working for us. I'm constantly amazed.

Yeah, so.

I'm more than halfway through sorting and posting to the new place. I don't want to send y'all over there before it's ready, but it'll be soon. I'm so excited about so many new things. Can't wait!

Thanks for stopping in and being such a wonderful person. You're the best!

the new place is looking great!

the new place is looking great!

I am getting closer to the big move. I just spent 3 hours importing stories from the years at AMA. I'm up to June of 2004. It is fun and strange and oddly exciting to read the stories and know that Rio is just around the corner!

I wish I could go back and tell me to quit worrying. Everything is going to be perfect :)

sweaty handed standoff

sweaty handed standoff

Rio crawled underneath my computer desk, over the rails and through the wires to come out the other side. On the other side is a chaise lounge. She is trying to pull things off my desk from the backside.

Glass globes? 'Sorry pal, not for you.' and I put a pile of post-it notes, markers with TIGHT CAPS, and some index cards that she could reach and play with.

So, she's standing on the chaise, I can see her from her armpits up, and she's barking orders at the things in her pile.

Except... That has become boring. So now she's faced away, with one foot up on the arm of the chaise and her hand on the window sill. She keeps looking back at me. I said, "Be carefullllll..." and she keeps smirking. Then popping up on the arm and back down. More looking and smirking.

Today may be gravity day.

I wonder

I wonder

We went here on Sunday to an Open House. It was very well attended and organized. We had a tour by a mom alumna and her daughter. The classrooms were really alive with colors and projects and the lower school art center had just about everything a kid could want to glue, mold, shape, color or texturize!

They had a really fun net playground and a working water pump. The building is old, the windows are huge, everything is really beautiful.

They have a million sports and all the girls I talked with played at least 4 so that's great.

I wonder if they have cheerleaders...?

big and exciting changes!

big and exciting changes!

The one and only, fabulous Mark is helping me with my new digs.

He did a bunch of magic today and this is what I gleaned from the conversation:

*I'm now toasted
*I can keep out the riffraff because I have their lurkylurk IP addresses!
*Something about a backend
*Something about more toasting
*I'm going to learn CMS using PHP and then I'll be down with OPP
*(fell asleep for a few minutes here)
*something about sheets (Oo! hope they're at LEAST 400TC)
*(looked at ebay and missed whatever he said here)
*asked if he realized that I wasn't really listening and if I need anything I'm just gonna call him anyway at which point he said 'Yup' and now I have some sort of megalopocybersis parked somewhere; location to be announced.

I have about a week's worth of organizing and rearranging and sourcing and kvetching and and and...I will provide more details when I, myself, understand what the hell they are.



So! In the meanwhile I'll keep posting here. As far as I can tell, I may still be posting here, but it will be showing up there, and here will only exist in the Matrix....

:: One quick thing ::

Well, two. Remind me to tell you about Lou. He's a kid we team mentor from DC and he's amazing. I'll fill you in once I clear it with him.

So, the one thing. Bear and I have Miss Rio pre-bath gymnastic camp on our bed. We throw her and she jumps and squeals and we do 'upside down baby' and everyone laughs really hard. So, Bear sticks his head under the edge of the comforter and Rio slowly crawls over and slowwwwly pulls it back and WHAM! Daddy says 'boo!' and Rio squeals and falls backwards. You know where this is going, right?

So, hide, pull, boo!, squeal, faint backwards, repeat, repeat, repeat. Scoot closer to the other side with each repeat until finally, finally, Bear and I are on one side of the king bed and Rio is all the way on the other side, making her funny eyes toward the ceiling I'm about to fly backwards face and, well, it would seem that being parents comes with SuperPowers. Bear flew into the air and I shapeshifted and melted around the bed so we simultaneously grabbed her foot and cradled her head and she was none the wiser as far as the near melon mangling went....

I'd be willing to bet that at some point we are going to have to actually prove to her that gravity exists.

happily ever after = total moron

happily ever after = total moron

Honest to Pete. I know he's spoiled because of his mother and then he got me and we both spoil him rotten to this day. I have no one to blame but myself but I sure wish that wasn't the case. I can't even stay pissed at him. At this rate, I'll be married to Bear the Bonehead for the rest of my life. *sigh*

8:00am

me: Bear, Rio's up.
bear: I think my back is broken. Can you go get her?
me: I'll get her, but I want you to get up so we can hit that yardsale to see if they have bookcases.
bear: I'm getting up in 4 minutes...

8:30
me: Bear, here's your coffee. I want you to be at your banker's by 10 so you can get back early enough for us to do something and I want to go to the yardsale together.
bear: I'm hungry.

9:00
me: yelling upstairs Bear, your french toast is getting cold. Get.Up!
bear: I know, I'm coming...

9:30
me: You really need to get going. You should be walking out the door.
bear: I'm just gonna let the dogs out and print off directions.

10:00
me: GET OUT OF THE BASEMENT. GET OFF THE INTERNET. GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR!
bear: Whaaaaat?

10:45
me: Bye. We are leaving. She needs a nap soon and I need bookcases so we'll see you whenever.
bear: Where are you going?
me: Seriously?

11:15
me: calling from the yardsale They have a great workbench thingie here that would get all your stuff organized in the garage so perhaps I could park in there.
bear: Where are you? Oh! I know this! I'll be right there.

So, he gets there, nixes the perfect bench, informs me that he has a 'plan' for his 8 tons of shit on BOTH SIDES of our 2 car garage. Then he grabs Rio and starts dancing around with some orange safety gear hat that looks like this on his head and he and Rio are laughing their heads off.

It is tough to stay mad at a moron. Especially a funny moron. Especially a funny moron who actually bought the hat and who is probably wearing it at the bank right now....

PT and the sitting baby

PT and the sitting baby

Luckily, our physical therapist from Early Intervention is lovely and perseverant. I, as you all know, am neither.

Our appointments are kind of helter skelter because Rio sleeps all the time. We used to be at noon, but then she went to one nap from 11-1 ish. Then we got moved to 8am. Unfortunately, at least 50% of the time when Diana arrived, the entire household was asleep. Soundly. So now, we fit in here and there.

Tuesday at 3:30 Rio looked positively shocked to see Diana. We invited her in and Diana started to set up the living room so that Rio might transfer and then she stacked toys all over the place so that Rio might get up, but she was happy sitting on my crossed legs.

Long story short - we always get to stop when both Rio and I are crying. Diana holds Rio about 3 baby paces from me and I try not to grab her when she dives and Diana tries to get her to stay standing and it's all pretty terrible in the name of walking. Finally, I sniff and say, "I think that's enough for today," and Diana agrees. Rio has taken a couple little steps so that can be written in her log and we can all feel good about the fact she may eventually have a need for all the shoes I've already bought her....

So, Rio is playing with this. She's standing at a low table, kind of grumbling and complaining about the mean giants and then she takes the cucumber and stands it on it's end - so it is standing up like a flagpole. Diana just looks at her and smiles and shakes her head.

me: What? That's okay, right? She loves to stack and balance things. Really, a velcro-ed together cuke is a natural extension of that. Right? Right?

di: It's just that I have never seen another child do that with this toy. Ever. Her fine motor skills are really off the chart!

me: Yeah, maybe that will translate into walking?

di: Yeah, maybe.

She continues to mystify and enchant and just tickle me to pieces. I used to wait for the other shoe to drop. Wait for all the hysteria and the headless chicken running and the exhaustion that is to be brought on by babyhood. So far, I'm good. Maybe I'm stupider than everyone else, highly possible, but I'm just having the best time with her. She cracks me right the hell up.

We're 'not allowed' to buy the same toys the PT has. The PT needs to be able to engage and blahblahblah so I hope she's not pissed next week to see I broke the rule. Maybe Rio will be juggling them by then. :)

BOO!

BOO!

Okay, here it is: the Halloween picture post.

First, my friend Erudite. She looks like Darryl Hannah, but only on Darryl's really good days. Not those days when she seems to have rolled out from under a bus...



Now, Parkie the Giraffe. She is the master of all things at a very well-known design firm. I hope she rigged giraffe snot to drip out of her nose!



Rio had 2 costumes. One was Tigger...



And her best friend, Boobah, was a lady bug. Here she is getting ready to give Rio a big kiss and Rio was busy trying to count her teeth.




This is what I image a post sugar buzz would look like, if we gave the kids any candy WHICH THEY OBVIOUSLY DON'T NEED!



So, after a costume change we went outside for a little wagon time. Here she wonders, "Did I remember to bring my juice? Why do I have to keep changing clothes? Would Thing 2 like to ride?"



And then her dad arrived home, to rescue her from all the costume changes and giggly mom kisses.