No lie. I feel like I'm on reality television most of the time. About 50 times a day I look around and think, "There simply HAS TO BE a camera on me. No one's life is so ridiculous!" but there are no cameras ... that I can see, anyway ...
*3am~ Bear finally comes home. Rio had been up squawking and trying to get into bed with me for her bootcamp workout and I was having none of it. He comes in, comes upstairs and immediately falls into her web. He's changing a dry diaper and I say "Put her back in her bed" and he takes her to the reading chair and starts reading the very long 'Green Eggs And Ham' and then I say "Bed!" when I hear about how great those freaking eggs are and then I hear 'Goodnight Moon' get started and I realize no one listens to me ever.
*9am~ She finally gets up so we're going to have to rush to make it to her gym class where she ignores the teacher and does her own thing while laughing like a lunababy. I'm trying to get her into the car when she informs me, "Mommy, I don't drink from the red cup, I drink from the purple cup and no saying 'no' OR 'why'!". The entire ride to the gym is me explaining the harsh reality of too bad about the cup color.
*10:31~ late for class. Pulling into the parking lot and some asshat almost t-bones me because my right of way silver car passed through an invisibility shield or some such crap. Then he yells 'Fuck you' at me and I am yelling 'Fuck me? Fuck you asshole!' at the top of my lungs while 2 other late mothers are unloading their kids. Nice.
*12pm~ Just trying to make a bank deposit. Rio wants to hang on the dividers so I'm trying to tell her that they're different from the gym and a crazy lady walks up to me and says, "They say I'm too thin, now. Yup. Lost 80 pounds in 90 days." No intro, just launches. "Oh yea?" I say, "Did someone lock you in a closet?" and then I can tell from the horrified look of the tellers that she's not so much crazy as she is mentally retarded and I have just said something pretty wrong to her in front of a load of people...
*1pm~ We get the 'new guy' at the hibachi place. Cuz you want a ringside seat to someone tossing knives and making fires on his first day. Enough said.
*3pm~ Again she won't nap, but wants to be in bed. Hollering. She finally falls asleep. Me, too. So when I wake up at 4:30 and she's still out, well, I know tonight's gonna suck.
*6pm~ As I'm letting her feed Jack her spaghetti one long strand at a time, again with the crazy laugh, I realize that I've lost control over a lot of ground lately ... he's standing with one foot on her chair and she's feeding him and feeding herself and feeding him some more and although I'm thinking about the germs, I'm also thinking that I don't have an argument for 'no feeding Jack at the table' that is likely to fly with her without loads of explanation so I allow the feeding to just continue.
*8pm~ I decide that my husband really is bugging me. I am nasty to him.
*8:04~ It's not him, I'm crabby. I apologize and we're good.
*8:07~ Nope, it's him.
*8:10~ Nope, it's me. Rinse and repeat.
*bedtime~ a misnomer, cuz I now feel the insomnia. And I tripped on Jack in the kitchen and again on the stairs. I can hear Bear snoring and I haven't ironed a shirt for him for tomorrow and if I wear my earplugs I won't get up early and I could really use a cameraman to bum a smoke off and tell him about the time I bungied off a crane 14 stories in the air ...