:: bulges ::

Marion won last night. She was in fine form and took everything except overall winner. That is a hard category to judge because the bodies from the different weight/age classes can look so different. We had a fabulous time, made some new pals and I have a diet I'm going to try to lose my mothermound, aka my belly :)

In other bulgey new...we head out in about an hour to Cranial Technologies. Bear and I are already arguing because it's Rio's 1st naptime and I'm concerned about getting her up and dressed in time for the appointment half an hour away and *he* says if we don't dress her we'll have plenty of time and *I* hold onto my desire to put clothes on her instead of shlepping her all over in her pajamas. I'm loosening up on this one, but it still rubs me the wrong way.

:: drunk ain't always funny ::

So we went to a comedy show after dinner last night, Marion and I. The headliner was a laugh out loud riot. We were howling and the guy was a real piece of work. For about an hour. Then he started drinking Jack Daniels on the rocks. The sad feeling of watching him slide from funny to mean to virtually incoherent is still hanging with me. I guess I always feel that way about people with a gift and the odd inner compulsion to murder that gift that is so often an accompaniment to said talent. There is a lot more swirling about in my head regarding this one but I have to shower and get ready for what I'm dreading....
:: the good, the bad, and the ugly ::

:: the good ::

Rio has whacked her melon the slightest bit out of shape with all the right facing and sleeping action. It's called 'positional plagiocephaly' and it scares the living shit out of me. Luckily, this place is all about dealing with it AND we caught it early enough that the slight problem should be no problem at all.

:: the bad ::

It costs $3000 dollars for this lovely hat. Previously, our insurance company paid for this with no problems. Our out of network deductible is $300 and that's what it would cost us.

Now, Cranial Technologies is negotiating with our insurance company, which will not be named unless I have to sue them, to be in network. For those of you in the know - this means that it will no longer cost Sucky Insurance, Inc. $3000, it will cost the negotiated 'usual and customary' amount, which is argued about by the companies. Who cares, right? Well, of late our insurance company has imposed an 'allowable' of $2100. This means Sucky Insurance will only agree to pay $2100, less our deductible of $300 which is $1800 and we will be responsible for the other $1200. Nice, huh?

I am ready to do battle. I know our attorney General hates insurance companies. Rio photographs well and this should be interesting.

:: and now, the ugly ::

... low lights. wonderful conjugal stuff that you don't really want to know about... bear heads to the bathroom to dispose of interim barrier method...

bear: I have some interesting news. turns up lights exposing the shredded condom still on his, uh, ah, manhood.

me: Oh. My. Fucking. God. forgetting completely about my new resolution not to say G*d....

bear: Well, Rio is so great. One more would be fun, no?

~the next morning at 9:01~

me: Hello Nurse. I need to speak to someone about emergency contraception.

nurse: Oh my.

me: Exactly.

Soooooooooo. This morning for breakfast I had left over cat fish and a banana. That doesn't mean anything, right?
:: 4 month check-up ::

Rio weighed in at 14.5 pounds and 26.5 inches. She is around 75th percentile for weight and off the chart for her height. She still seems like a peanut to me but when I look at pictures I can't believe how big she's getting. She had her shots and recovered like a champ. She is in good spirits tonight and is talking to herself in bed as we speak.

She had cherry Tylenol. The very first thing besides breast milk and formula ever. She took it without incident and I think that's why she's feeling ok now. One of the injection sites has a little blood visible in the bandaid and Bear said he had the overpowering urge to punch the nurse in the face while she was giving shots. Perhaps Rio and I should do the doctor thing alone from now on....

One distressing note: her melon is a little funky. She still sleeps only on her right side, although her range of motion is improving greatly. Dr Cohen is referring us to Cranium Technologies for a head piece. Bear is hoping they have t-shirts with their company name. Dick. Doctor Cohen feels that Rio could use a band to straighten out the slope of her head. I plan to glue rhinestones all over the thing. That or antennae. Maybe plastic daisies.....

I'm trying not to freak out and doing an okay job. I know her head is malleable, I know it isn't a huge deal and I know it is best for Rio and so it will be done. I also know when she's the president or something we'll be able to make great cash selling the photos to Star Magazine. *sigh*

:: dog day ::

Petey came to my friend Orra via the pound. Orra volunteers and walks the dogs twice a week. Awesome, huh? I call it 'dog shopping'. She used to insist she was just helping and would not want to have a dog right now blahblahblah and then Petey came in off the street.

She was abandoned, full of belly tumors, not burdened with a lot of teeth and filthy beyond description. It was looking like her days were numbered because the pound can't afford extraordinary medical care. Especially for old dogs. So, naturally, Orra took her home. On the first day Orra brought Petey to my house. We washed Petey. Four times. She was still a little stinky. Then Orra started with surgeries and doctors visits and specialists and we now call her 'bionic petey' cuz she's worth about 3 thousand dollars that Orra didn't really have.

Petey tried to hump Jack. She would pee with her leg in the air like a boy. She would beg and beg and then look over whatever tidbit she had wrangled as if she were inspecting it for bugs. She went to work with Orra at the bridal shop and brides would return just to see her.

Petey would look in the mirrors at Orra and then bark until Orra picked her up cuz she was all confused. She wore barrettes and loved catfood.

Orra came down from Vermont to help me pack up the house. Petey had a seizure the first night she was here. Apparently she also had a stroke because she was pacing and clucking like a chicken so Orra went right back home. Unfortunately, she had ridden down here with a friend and was riding back with another so I had to drive her halfway to Vermont last night. I said goodbye to Petey in the parking lot of a Friendly's and cried half the way home. I didn't have a good feeling about that clucking.

Orra's vet said it was time for Petey to go today. I'll miss that stinky, crazy, funny, sweet little dog.
:: back to the fun ::

Miss Rio was a ladybug for Halloween. She didn't quite know what to make of all of it, but the pictures were fun.

Bear was a Bee and I was a Cowgirl**.

** When we were filling out the paperwork at the hospital we were a little overtired, anxious and crazed.

bear: These are for social security. 'Father's occupation'. Writes Director of Technology Development SUI. 'Mother's occupation'.

me: I don't wanna be a housewife. That sounds boring.

bear: How about 'cowgirl'?!

me: Yes! Cowgirl.

Hence, the outfit. Told you the fun was back. Yeehaw. Now that the nugget is taking a nap I have to go pack my closet. More fun than a barrel full of monkeys.

:: blogger should be fun ::

And on that note, I've decided to cut a few of the blogs I read. I don't want to have virtual arguments so I'm only reading things that make laugh. :) I work hard to keep the reality light and manageable around here....yippykayay...
:: office space ::

If you haven't seen the movie, you should. I gather it's a bit of a cult classic and we enjoyed the weirdness of it immensely. Unfortunately, Bear has adopted the attitude of the main character rather deeply. Since giving his notice he has a whole new attitude.

BossMan: What would you say if we were to offer you a 30% raise?
Bear: I would say you should have done that a long time ago.
WorkerBee: Bear, aren't you supposed to be in the meeting that just started?
Bear: Well, sure, but I didn't feel like it.
WorkerBee: blahblahblah
Bear: Really? Well, I'm going to go take a nap now.
This is the best. Lillian is the secretary for X1 and X2. X1 has pissed through so many assistants that X2 had to beg Lillian to take over and help him out. The guy is an honest to G*d prick. So, knowing that both X1 and X2 can hear Lillian, Bear called in yesterday morning cuz it was after 9 and he hadn't even left the house to begin his 2 hour commute.

Lillian: Good morning.
Bear: Hi Lillian. I'm running really late this morning.
L: I hope everything's alright.
B: Oh, yeah, sure. It's just that there is this really good cartoon on and I want to see how it ends so I won't be leaving here for another 20 minutes.
L: (stifling a snort) Well, ok Bear, you need to do that. I'll let them know you're on your way shortly.
B: Thanks Lillian! I'll be sure to let you know how it ends!

He's completely outta control! At least he's having fun for the first time in years. That place. *sigh* He works in the most corporate hell for a guy who lied to his face and continued to short change him. He's had the crappiest bonuses and the HR woman who bailed last week told him how much the other Directors had gotten. Substantially more than Bear. It's like X1 enjoyed toying with my man. All is not forgotten. It is going to be very difficult to replace Bear. And not just cuz he's handsome and sickly amusing.....

:: today I was a bad mom ::

But it might have started last night. This morning I hear Hobbes go into the bathroom and drink out of the toilet. He rarely does that. Then when Jack heard him, he hopped off the bed and went into the bathroom with Hobbes. I know Jack can't reach the toilet so I went downstairs to check their water bowl.

Bone.Dry. With little lick-marks on the bottom.

I filled it with fresh, cold water with some icecubes and they both set to. It made me cry a little. We're all a little out of sorts.

:: cast your votes here ::

We're going to be house shopping. We're going to spend every last dime we have because it makes sense to have the most house we can afford now because we'll be better able to afford it as time goes on and making a percentage profit on a more expensive house yields a bigger profit. Yeah, whatever. But we're house hunting. Bear wants to sit down and decide on a list of things we really want in the new place. I know he's gonna need a place to put his stupid car**. I've come up with this:

*a library or room that can be turned into a library
*enough bathrooms so Rio can have her own
*whirlpool bath (Jack loves him a whirlpool bath!)
*breakfast bar in the kitchen

Feel free to submit your suggestions :)

** In our garage is a 1969 Ford Fairlane Cobra. Primed for the original canary yellow. All the original engine parts - in a box next to the car. No engine, flat tire, seats are out and the killer- he has had it since he was 18. He's the second owner. He has a death-grip on the sucker. He has told me at least 3 times that he needs to get rid of it because it reminds him of the fact that he is ever so slightly of the procrastinator bent. Like 18 years now. He thinks he'll someday soon restore it to its former glory and make a killing on it. Now, I think he should take a thousand bucks for it and buy a high risk stock and actually stand a chance of making money on it. I suspect he'll be buried in it.
:: if you want to know why I'm smiling all the time ::

Today Bear said that he sent me a copy of his resignation letter to proofread. I was in the car running a zillion errands so I said I'd have to get to it later. We had talked about him offering to continue in a consultancy fashion because he's the only one who understands their patent portfolio. So, we got home from a busy day and I've been cooking and making food and cleaning and just got a chance to check my email for his notes. He sent me a house that costs over 500,000 that I would love to live in but we can't possibly afford it. He also sent me this ( with names being changed to protect the dickheads and whatnot) :

November 2, 2004

Mr X1, Chairman
Mr X2, President
SecurityIzUs, Inc.
New York, NY

Dear Fric and Frac:

It is with regret that I inform you that I will be leaving SIU. I have accepted a position as a jungle guide for Jungle Tours, Inc., located on the west bank of the !Goorinnabway River in Zaire. My last day here will be November 12th, as I need to undergo a serious of innoculations and cavity searches at the Zaire Health Ministry prior to my trans-Atlantic journey. Fortunately, my rectum is quite relaxed due to the furious ass fucking I got here at SUI- there should be no problem getting the ol' sphincter-scope right up there, you know, to check for communicable diseases and such.

It has been a pleasure working with both of you and the rest of the SUI team. I have learned a lot. The biggest lesson I umm, learned is, umm, uhh, umm, that whenever someone says that they'll, umm, uhh, get me where I need to be, uh, uhh, ummm, they're full of shit! X2,you are a fucking lying piece of shit, prissy, wannabe elite executive, douche bag, ass licking loser. Riiiiggghhhttt. Grrreeaattt.... You suck! X1, ummmmmm, do you know that your mind is halfway down the toilet? Do you know that I have a file of things I've done for you so when you ask me to do it again a month or two later and again and again and again, all I do is go into the file, change the date, and give it to you as if I just did it? And then I go back to writing my fuckin' rap lyrics, yo? Whatthafuk? Go find a nice park bench to sit on so you can tell the pigeons how it was done in 1953. I'm sure they'll find it fascinating... so get your huge, fat ass into your horseless carriage and get the fuck outta here. You suck, too!



The CEO says 'greaaaaaat' all the time and once, at a conference, Bear counted how many times he said 'ummm' to keep himself awake during his presentation. I laughed until I wheezed when I read this. I don't know if you'll find it so amusing but I sure hope so!

He's accepting a new job tomorrow and quitting the one that he doesn't so much like tomorrow as well. Good times.