Yesterday Bear got rear-ended on the way home. He called and said, "I'll be a little late." "Ok, what's up?" "Well," he said, " I just got smashed into the median by some kid going about 50 miles an hour."

I freaked. I grabbed 2 muscle relaxers, 2 naproxin, a bottle of water, my phone and ran out of the house to go pick him up. I was so locked down that I didn't cry until late last night, after he'd gone to sleep. There is a, I want to say 'burden' or 'responsibility' but neither is right... there is a certain vulnerability that comes with loving someone with all your guts and heart and soul. I've survived some serious shit (including but not limited to attempted kidnapping and being held at gunpoint by a bunch of hopped up dealer friends of my ex...) but I can't even imagine what would happen to me if I lost him. Nope, can't even really form a thought around it. So I won't.

The back of his seat broke from the impact. He's sore, as can be expected, and the doctor has sent him for x-rays. Probably the normal healing with rear-end collisions but he's in bed now on a heating pad and didn't give me one OUNCE of trouble when I said he should get PT. Unusual for the boy...

So all is well and I don't ever want him to leave the house again. Aside from the addition to my irrational fears, we're fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.

My mother is divorced -- again. I told her months ago to figure out the insurance situation because she was on my step-dad's hospital benefits and she takes a Skittles bowl of meds every day. The divorce was final on Thursday and now she's looking into insurance. *sigh* It is hard not to worry even though it's inappropriate, even though she's a nightmare, even though she never listens but always says 'I know', even though. Still.

My doggers were so cute today. Jack was in Bear's lap while he was on his computer. Ours are side by side, about 5 feet apart so we can look at each other's stuff and just be together. Aww. Anyway, Jack is 20 pounds but Hobbes, the 68 pounder, decided he needed a lap to sit on. He put his cement block head in my lap, then one front leg, then the other. Then he stretched out his front across my lap and started wheeling with his back leg. He ended up with his back feet clutching my folded up leg and his front legs hanging over the right side of my lap, his elbows all dug in, and he was as happy as can be. He licked my keyboard, checked out my desk, and then tried to get some sleep. He is a nut.

Today I really love and appreciate my boys. All three.