I lost a post...

If you've seen it, please help it finds its way home.

Closer...

I've been reading some excellent blogs lately. There are a lot of talented MFs out there, you know who you are. I am inspired to set up my links, at long last. But first, a nap.

The babe has dropped another 4 centimeters...

But that doesn't really mean anything. And they can't do anything about my pinched nerve in my foot til after I have the baby. And I can expect to keep sleeping horribly. And there is no way to tell when I'll be attempting the Herculean task of passing the child through what promises to be an inadequately wide passage.....I feel like crap and I'm so sick of hearing myself whine that I could just puke. Yeah.

That's all I got...

Tonight when Bear gets home we'll put the crib together, together. I've decided I want a giant fuzzy white rug in the nursery despite the fact that it may be one of my stupider calls. It's what I want. Today, anyway.

I'm starting to get nervous as hell about the impending arrival. I've always been super independent and self sufficient. My life has changed soooo much these past few years. I never thought I'd get married and certain didn't want to have children alone so now I'm this married soon to be mother and I don't really have a game plan for that. I'm the girl who can talk her way into sold out concerts and then get backstage. I've moved to another part of the country because the weather has been bad for weeks where I was living. I have ridden unconventional and borderline unstable to great heights and have had more fun than one person should be allowed.

And now, I don't really know what to think of myself. This isn't a big crisis. I'm here cuz I'm ready to be here. I'm an excellent wife and I love the skin off my husband. I believe we have what it will take to still be laughing together in old age. He is everything I never knew to wish for. The whole child thing is what is getting me today.

What if I am a complete embarrassment to the child?

What if s/he is really weird and hates school and becomes a target for bullies?

What if s/he rebels and joins the Republican party and believes that the disenfranchised are a bunch of whiners?

What if I'm a terrible mother because I have no real role model....

Let's just chalk this all up to hormones....