I don't usually make New Year resolutions. I find it hokey and fake; like Christmas. But I'm going to shake things up for myself and make a few. Off the cuff, unplanned, but I'll reach inside and think about what I'd like to change. Here it goes!
1. keep my distance from my mother. although the guilt pretty much steadily nibbles, it's not as bad as the toxic encounters. until she can really change the way she treats me and my family, she's just not allowed to continue to fuck with me.
2. write anything. a short story. a book. a how-to give yourself the best pedicure pamphlet. anything. and try to sell it. to someone besides Bear ...
3. by the time 2008 comes to a close i really have to commit to figuring out my next 'move'. i'm still stuck on it being law school. either unstick from that, or just effing go. any lawyers out there love what they do? loathe it? lemme know!
4. use a quarterly approach to exercise. the first quarter of this year i commit to being in my gym OR equivalent sweating experience at least 3 times a week. next quarter - 4 times a week. by summer, i will have some sort of physical exercise as part of my day monday through friday.
5. i have to fall out of love with beer and cheese. *lesigh* this sucks because i seriously think i love beer and cheese more than anyone with the possible exception of rosanne barr. if i can replace the beer/cheese passion with husband passion, we're all winners, right?!
6. i'm not saying, 'i'm tired' anymore. it's boring. everyone is tired. i'm not saying it anymore.
7. enjoy my time in this non-universe that is stay-at-home-mom. i bet it's fun with staff, but with no staff it's all about cooking, and cleaning, and errand-running, and playdoh, and painting, and not yelling, and feeling crazy ... i'm not recognition driven by any means, but it is mind numbing some days. and then i think about how quickly we'll come to the time when she's only going to need a 20 and the keys to the car. *sniff* enjoy this time. i'm so fortunate to have it.
So, on that note, I'm going to go make playdoh animals. Yesterday we painted rocks that she and Bear dug up under the snow. She's so easy to please, and she's a lot of good fun, and I think if I keep that in the forefront of my mind, the rest is easy. Easier.