no life and yet, over scheduled ...

Here's the email I had to send to a group of lovely women today. We all wiggled and maneuvered and switched stuff ... all so we could get together. All together. With kiddies. En masse. And it was going to be fun! So, here is my life in a snapshot. An ugly little snapshot...

Dear Wimins:

The thing you least know about me is that I've abused this body for nearly 43 years. Downhill skiing. Sometimes crashing hard. Competitive field hockey. With many extra miles run for being 'lippy' - go figure. An ill-fated foray into rugby in my 30s....??!!

Anyway, at my yearly exam with a new, and completely intelligible non-drug pushing*, doc I was informed that the saran-like noises issuing from my knees are deteriorating cartilage and a kneecap that isn't tracking properly.

Now, for those of you keeping track, since moving to Massachusetts I've had a botched lady-parts surgery that required immediate surgery to keep my urethra from being completely severed, and I had a root canal that was so haphazardly executed that I required weekly trips to a specialist in Boston so I didn't lose half my face. Evidently, 'practicing medicine' in Massachusetts means something different than other places.

So, I call the best guy in VT and I know the receptionist [how many people are named 'T***a'? I was psyched!] and she got me in for a consult and x-rays on Wednesday morning. So, I won't be here. For our playdate. I suck. Forget you know me because although, ostensibly, I have no life - it turns out I'm over scheduled. Heading north and probably again when it is determined that I am, in fact, falling completely apart.

xx

* our last doc did all communication via his scrip pad. I never understood what he said, but he gave the best treats ever :)

**AMENDED TO ADD: Just when you think life has thrown all its lemons for the day right at your eye and you were looking away and 9 out of every 10 lemons hit you right on the cornea ... well, then the phone rings and you foolishly take the cold pack off your eye and answer:

woman's voice: Hi! Is this Nita?

me: Yes. How can I help you?

wv: I'm calling from the LaLa Animal Hospital. We haven't seen Hobbes in a while and I'm just calling to see how he's doing and if there's anything we can help you with!

me: He's dead.

wv: Ooo, sorry. I'll be sure to update our records.

me: That would be really, really lovely.

And that, my friends, is about all I've got for today. Tata!

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

i am the lucky recipient of all that over scheduling! Yay!

Valencia said...

ouch.

but you know what they say.. if life gives you lemons, make lemonade! :)

teahouse said...

Hhhmm...is that why there's universal healtcare in Mass.? Something to do with the quality of doctors?

dailypiglet said...

something i found odd living in amherst was no matter what was wrong with me, husband, daughter or animals every doctor would require a stool sample.

really, i don't think a pulled muscle requires then to investigate my stools.

as for your injuries, HOLY M-FING SHIT! you are like the energizer bunny.

Alice said...

oh NOOOO. i'm sorry. i hate going out of my way to make special plans like that and then have then RUINED. it just feels so unfair :-(

i am glad, however, that you are moving your medical care OUTSIDE of mass, with that track record!

just me said...

Take care of yourself!!

I've taken some lemons in the cornea recently too...


stings like a bitch.

Ms.D. said...

The Hobbes exchange with the vet assistant? That needs to be filed under people who deserve a beatdown.