zoom, zoom, zoom

zoom, zoom, zoom

Y'all know how I'm slightly obsessed with child-safety, right? I practically divorced Bear when I came back from a weekend away and Rio said:

Mommy! I missed you sooooo much! Daddy let me ride in the front seat!

No secret is safe in this house. Not one. I'm being careful but Bear, not so much ... anyway ... We didn't get out yesterday. To the store, but no fresh air. So today, after nap, we suited up for a tour of our ice covered yard. I shlep her around in a blow-up raft-type sled while she hollers, "Faster Mommy! Faster!" and much fun is had by all. I take a look at the backyard slope and decide it might be fun to try.

You know where this is going, yes?

So, I crunch through the crust and get the sled poised at the top of a gentle incline that goes down to the swampland/mosquito resort that is our back acreage. Quickly judging slope, potential velocity, surface conditions, etc. I decide it'll be fun. I used to be a hairstylist. My calculations *may* have been flawed ...

I would like to formally apologize to my neighbor for crossing the property lines and wiping out his lilac bushes which blessedly slowed our incredible descent toward his huge oak tree. I tried to put a foot down behind the sled and it was like dragging it on a bowling alley. I was atop the sled holding one back handle and one front handle so, whilst zooming across our yards, I was trying to decide if I could let go of the front one and grab the back one and fling my body off AND hold on when I decided that I probably could not and if I knocked myself out my child would sit right there like she's on some kind of litter which is how she conducts her badass three-year-old self these days, and no one would find either of us until we froze to the ground/sled ... so I rode it out sheltering her body as best I could with mine. We hit the bushes, crashed through like a 747 and only when the bushes thickened and began to lift us off the ground did we slow and glide to a rest against the giant oak.

me: [nervous giggling like a maniac] Wowza! Was that fun?


rio: Uh, no. Let's do it again!

I should totally post more often so I we're in the bushes somewhere along the back 40, someone will come to look for us.