fa la la la f*ck

Do you loathe the holidays? Me, too. I envy the people who looooooove the holidays. The people who bake cookies, and have parties, and just sparkle with elf-like delight. I swear I could slap somebody.

For many, many years I was able to avoid the entirety of November/December festivities. No turkey. No 8 crazy nights. No fat man. Nothing. In fact, for years I always volunteered to work so others could have time with family. I wanted the happy people to have the chance to be together.

Through some holiday miracle of my own, I'm slipping into the guise of a happy holiday person. Okay, maybe not 'holiday happy'', but at least 'holiday tolerant.' People, it's freaking me out. Last week I bought cookie cutters and, in what can only be described as an incredible lapse of judgment, I also bought about $40 bucks worth of sprinkles, colored sugars, tiny swirly chips and frosting. I plan to have the kids from playgroup over to decorate my homemade effing cookies. I left everything in the bag with the receipt - just in case. Just in case I regain my insanity.

But today ... today ... wow. I'm pretty much speechless. I woke up this morning and this fell out of my head --

me: I want to get a tree.

bear: [blinks once, twice.] That would be really nice, honey.

me: Yeah. I need to make the holidays my own. Make our own traditions. Our family. Our traditions. Learn to love this time of year instead of, well, weeping so much.

bear: Excellent thinking all around!

me: Yeah, so, I want a tree. I want a white tree. A sparkly... shiny... white tree!

bear: ...

me: [weird smile finds its way onto my face.]

bear: Um, hon, no.

me: Bear, maybe you didn't hear me. I said I want a white tree.

bear: A white tree? Are you kidding me? You grew up in Vermont! White trees are fake! Hideous! I think I have to throw a veto here.


Isn't she beautiful?

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mar said...

she rocks and looks just like mine!

Piglet said...

this is a great post!

i am thinking you should wrangle in and market "holiday tolerant".

i do that thing with receipts and tags too, leave them on for most everything, so does the husband.

hooray for you and making the holidays your own, you are blazing a trail!

kate said...

bwah ha ha ha ha. A white tree. Our trees are white because they are covered in snow... otherwise, notsomuch.

The white tree does make me nostalgic for ghetto-xmas at my aunt and uncle's place... White tree, blue and purple lights, My Little Ponies circling the gold lame tree skirt. Not to mention all the wine coolers and IC Light you could drink. Ah. Good times.

I hope you all have a delicious holiday season. :-)

Nancy said...

I think white trees are awesome! I've seen two this year (on the same day, recently) and they were both just beautiful. It must be all those space-age polymers.

morecandor said...

maybe this is just kind of your holiday speed wobble period. things might settle down. but, really, no worries cause Yea! colored sugars!

the slackmistress said...

I used to have a white tree. I loved my white tree!

Michael said...

It looks otherworldly. Like the ghost of Christmas trees.

Alice said...

i'm with you on the cookies... but then i lost you on the tree. i'm with your bear here on this one ;-)

ps: HOLY CRAP THANK YOU for all the hair advice! i'm going to seriously print out your comments and bring them with me to the hair place...

Alison said...

thank you for making hating the holidays ok. i will gladly join the 'i hate the holidays' club!