ho ho ho #1

Bear didn't rush to shovel us out after the last 2 storms. Subsequently, our mailman was unable to reach the mailbox on Monday, and Tuesday. So, off to the post office I go. Christmas week. This should be fun, eh?


No one at the PO. Serious ghost town! I mention that to the fine folks working and they proceed to chew me a new one. Nice. So, I get the number of the place where they hold your mail if you're an asshat. That's the impression I got. Anyway, the guy tells me to call tomorrow between 6:30 and 7 in the morning.

me: In the morning? Six in the morning??

Met with dirty looks. So, I call and the nice man tells me it'll be sent down by 10. I go into the post office at noon, and it's not there. So the woman 'who has been working for 3 weeks straight' [repeat 47 times] tells me it's at the mvashlochen I have to pick it up. She's Chinese and a bit tough to understand ...

me: The

minion: The
mvashlochen! The mvashlochen! It's on Comice Boweevahd!

me: Sorry? Where?

minion: You know Comice Boweevahd? Right by you house! [she's starting to yell at me]

me: [starting to giggle cuz she's getting pissed and the more pissed she gets, the less I can understand] I'm sorry, I don't know where it is?

minion: EMC? Up da hill? Right on you way home! You drive wight by!

me: I'm not from here ...

minion: Comice Boweevahd! On you way home! On you way home!

me: Um, I just have to say that I go home many different ways ... [and I look out the window and consider pointing out that all roads lead home and she picks up a paper to draw a map for me]

minion: Can you find da highway? [smartass] Okay, not this road, not this road, this road up around back. On you way home! Comice Boweevahd! You drive right by! You drive right by! [Commerce Boulevard. Still don't know where it is...]


I follow her directions and I am thankful I have great snowtires and a front-wheel drive Subaru. Around the back of the building she pointed to on her horrid drawing is a dirt path that gets more and more narrow until it's impassable - and I had to back out. I drive up and down the road and finally find it.

mailman: Well, we don't encourage people to come up here, you know.

me: With the directions they give at the post office, your bat cave is safe.

mm: [blank stare] Here's your mail. Have a nice holiday.

So, in that 2 day bundle were 2 pieces of mail for my neighbors. I simply redistribute it so no one has to go to the post office. I'm good like that. Ho ho holy crap that lady needs a rum and tonic and a nap.


kate said...

Thanks for the laugh, Nita. Definitely needed that today.

Everyone here speaks English (not as a second language), and I still sometimes feel like I've entered an alternate dimension.

Masked Mom said...

We're in the middle of the mail forwarding nightmare(or non-forwarding nightmare as the case much more often seems to be) right at the holidays--I personally hope I never have to see the inside of a post office again. But you still get my sympathy, because everyone here speaks English--albeit hick English with ain'ts and don't gots and all that fancy crap!