my mother-in-law is sooooo stupid!

my mother-in-law is sooooo stupid!

Oh.My.God. She just called and said, "We would like to take Rio for a couple of days. Can we make that happen in the next week or so?"

Dead silence on my part. What raced through my head in 2.5 seconds:

*you want the kid who, at this very moment is eating Monkey Munch with no milk, as per her demand? Slowly? With a spoon? Very loudly crunchingly? Who said, as I approached with the milk, ' I said no milk. Put that back, puhwease!' while pointing at the refrigerator. And not looking at me.

*you want the kid who can spread 2 ounces of tinkle into 14 drops over 5 minutes so I can wipe her, administer a tinkle treat, clean the potty and do it again and again til her bladder is finally empty JUST SO SHE CAN HAVE MULTIPLE TINKLE TREATS?

*you want the kid who is fascinated with pointing out everyone who has big boobs and everyone who has little boobs, including men? Men with big boobs?!

*you want the kid who is requiring about 9 pairs of big girl panties a day as we are in the midst of training? and you'll have to be doing a pissload (hahahha) of laundry?

*you want the kid who can convince you to let her draw 'little gym good job dots' all over your body, including your nose, just because she asks so frigging nicely?

*you want the kid who boots you out of her room at night after you've told her six million stories about how great she did at the gym? Stories she asked to hear? Saying 'One more about the gym and Rio?'. The kid who then looks at you and says, 'Okay mommy. You can go out there now.', again with the pointing?

*you want that kid FOR TWO DAYS? hahahahahahahahahahaha!

2.5 seconds have passed. So I say, "Oh I'm sorry, just a bit distracted. That would be lovely!"

I plan to administer an anti-aging mask and then spend 2 days in an ambien induced coma catching up on sleep while assorted strangers do my housework with money that I heist from her over-flowing piggy bank. Hhahahahahahahahahahahaha!