does it end?

does it end?

We were just listening to the Sirius Pops station and when a thunderous noise was made, she shot up and out of the room. She peaked around the corner and said, "We don't have to listen to the radio.".

***

There was a thunderstorm the other night. Bear and I were out for a couple hours. My brother was having dinner with her and playing until we got home. When the storm rolled in she got really freaked out. They ate dinner on a little round rug in the middle of the kitchen. She sat in his lap.

***

I just put the call in to Early Intervention. I've been zipped back into the anxiety pit where 'my child has something wrong'. In that pit there is surround sound with all the ways, large and small, I am a poor mother. From pregnancy eating, to holding her too much, to being unable to comfort her when a large truck roars by. She runs from me. From everyone. Bolts.

I'm feeling very black hole today. Everything is pulling in so tight and hard, the gravity is affected. I need to breath. Oh, and decide what I'm wearing to the funeral of a friend tomorrow.