sleep, glorious sleep!

It's Patriot's Day here today. That means no work and a huge gaggle of lunatics run from Holliston to Boston. On their feet. They don't even hitchhike. Anyway ... my little family had errands in Connecticut but I stayed home! And finished this book! And started this book! And received the wonderous gift of a copy of this book which I can NOT wait to start! And slept for about 3 hours. I feel wonderful. And lazy. And wonderful again! I didn't sleep more than 3 hours last night so I really needed it, but still, the best present I've had in ages! Time to read. Wow. What a concept.

Anyway, I had one of those thoughtful epiphanies yesterday. Is there another sort? It went like this:

We were leaving our friends in Vermont. Rio loves her Mare and her Mighty Mike in a huge way. They were present at her birth and the bonds are amazing. Anyway, she got teary eyed when we got ready to get in the car. My heart did that weird squeeze/seize that is a condition of motherhood. I got down on my knee and hugged her

me: Rio honey. Are you sad?

rio: Yes. *sniffs* We don't have to go to Massachusetts.

me: It's okay to be sad. I'm sad when we leave here, too. We love M&M and they love us, too. So we get a little sad when it's time to go. But! We can come back and visit a lot.

rio: Okay. *waves* Bye Mare! Bye Mighty Mike! Nice to see you!

And we're off. But I found my mind wandering back to that exchange. For a nice change, I wasn't all questioning myself so I wasn't sure why my mind kept revisiting. Then I figured it out - I had a mom moment.

I didn't tell her, "Oh, don't be sad," or "Don't cry," ... I simply let her feel how she was feeling and tried to give it a little substance because she's at the age where she's feeling things but not exactly sure what's up with that so I have the job of putting words to situations to help her figure out things like it's okay to cry. It's very subtle, that difference. But I believe in my gut is has a huge impact on her. If I told her to stop crying I'm sure she would. But then she wouldn't have an understanding of how just saying 'Nice to see you!' can make your eyes water and your insides feel funny. It's love and sadness and the closing of a joy session and it's pretty frigging complicated. But I'm right here for her. Explaining gently and allowing her to have her feelings and just be.

It occurred to me, on that snowy ride home, that I am a good mom like that.


Beth@WolfSong said...

Remember this. Days may come when you feel that you're not measuring up, that you 'should' (gag) be better at something/everything to do with motherhood. Hang on to your positives. You Rock!