what a completely shitty week with the exception of a few excellent occurrences

*penny is sick*
Really sick. They are doing aggressive rounds of chemo. We went to her place this weekend and she wants her hair cut off before it falls out so I gave her the most adorable pixie that she passed out halfway through and Bear had to carry her up to bed. I'm so sad that my blood feels thicker and it hurts to run through my heart.

*my sister is in grave danger of flunking out of school and she's the smart one in the family

And is pissed at me for mentioning it every time I talk to her but I can't help myself. She will have to bust her ass for the next 3 weeks solid to have a glimmer of hope of pulling her classes out of the backed up men's toilet.

She called last night because she had a huge fight with our father who art not likely to see heaven...She's been telling him for weeks about my graduation. He finally got around to booking a ticket for her. My graduation is on a Sunday, and she is scheduled to fly in that Friday and leave at 6am on SUNDAY. When she told him, he yelled at her that she's stupid. We were sired by a man who may never mentally age past 12.

AND I now truly agonize over these situations because that is a direct line to the gene pool growing and kicking and breakdancing inside of me.

*mother has no intention of behaving but at least she's no longer armed*

She is ramping up for silliness when she sees my father for the first time in 38 years. She's still mad. Amazing. Who gives a fat rat's ass? You were 18. You had 2 kids with him. Aren't you a bit of a dumbass, too???!!!

I'm sick of parenting my parents. Anyone who pisses on my parade will be forcibly removed from the shindig so generously hosted by B.Diddy.

*i feel pregnant, in the inconvenient sort of way*

For seven months I was able to ignore the growing belly, the lack of appetite, the headaches....I basically felt like I had a bad hangover. Now I feel pregnant and that's a whole different ball game. I am ex.haust.ed. I have tired twitches; under my left eye, above my right eye, always running simultaneous game. It's driving me batshit.

This weekend my feet swelled up. My ankles were unrecognizable and my toes looked like those little sausages that are so neatly and repulsively lined up in glass jars in the "World Foods" section of the Stop&Shop. Lovely.

I had gained a total of 8 pounds in 7 months of pregnancy. Last week I gained 8 pounds then dropped 2 in a day. My body is out of control. I'm officially uncomfortable.

Did I mention the crying at the drop of a hat? I'm so knocked up I'm unrecognizable.

*this week's task list is actually impossible to complete without another month and a full staff*

Enough said about that one.

*the sliver of excellence*

My best friend swept the competition in the bodybuilding contest she was in this weekend. She won her age category, then her weight category, then the best overall female bodybuilder in Vermont. I'll post pictures tomorrow. She is awesome, she was coming back from a bad medical thingie, and she rocks the planet. With friends like her, it's okay that my entire family belongs on Jerry Springer.....