procrastination

Jen had a post this morning that really inspired me. It was all about the stupid things that people say to you surrounding pregnancy. I'm going to totally rip that idea and share a bit of the silliness that has come my way so far.....

1. A girl I have always had a bad taste for came up to me at a recent funeral and poked my belly. "Yes, I've gained weight," I said. She looked like she swallowed her tongue. I just let it hang :) Ha!

2. My mother called, frantic, with this:
mom: I know you've been tired and distracted. Have you been feeding the dogs?
me: I'm 7 months pregnant. Don't you think they would be dead by now if I haven't been feeding them?

3. The myriad of 'it only gets worse' helpful hints.....

My ankles have swollen a bit.
It only gets worse. My cousin knew a woman who had to have her ankles pierced and drained.

Um, thanks for asking but I'm having regular bowel movements.
It only gets worse. Wait until the hemorrhoids. I knew a girl from work who had to poop in the tub.

We're not finding out the sex. We're happy to be surprised.
It only gets worse. Boys are terrible to raise, so hyper. And heaven forbid it's a girl! She'll drive you batty for a solid ten years from 8 to 18.

I haven't gained too much weight.
It only gets worse. My manicurists sister-in-law gained 118 pounds in the last month and she's a latino like you.

We haven't really decided about our childbirthing methods. We plan to discuss that with our doctor.
It only gets worse. The doctors are so afraid of being sued that they do C-sections all day long. The recovery will be a nightmare. You'll wish you had never gone to the hospital. Let me give you the name of my dentist's receptionist's cleaning lady's midwife.

It's our first.
It only gets worse. Now you have to have another one and you're so old to be starting all this. Has anyone told you how exhausting this is??? Not to mention that kid will be a spoiled brat if you don't have another one.

Actually, I'm not really trying to hear about bad labor stories.
It only gets worse. I was in labor for 78 hours. Hard labor. They wouldn't let me have a cigarette break, either. Then I had to have a cesarean after all that. And then I had a reaction to the anesthesia. And then the baby was cholicy. And then my surgery site got infected and left me scarred for life. Wanna see?

I'm planning to stay home for at least 2 years.
It only gets worse. You'll go insane with a baby all day. You had better be careful that your husband doesn't start running with his bowling partner just to get away from you. You'll be cornering the mailman for intelligent conversation.

I usually just smile through the deluge of unsolicited horror stories. I think it's working but I do have this twitch over my right eye that just won't quit!