Okay!!
I just couldn't take it anymore. My lovely, wonderful (and BIG!!) wife hasn't posted in a long time, and there is so much going on... Come to think of it, maybe that's why we haven't heard from her in a while.
Every day at work I go to Advanced Maternal Age to see what aspects of our life are posted for the world's amusement. Not that I mind - she does tend to keep a lid on things. The funniest stuff (most of which she doesn't share) is typically the most embarrassing for me, as the following equation describes:
[(me + some social situation) / my smoothness] x cluelessness = hilarity
It's all there. Hilarity is inversely proportional to my (lack of) smoothness, and directly proportional to my social cluelessness. I am exaggerating, though - I'm not THAT much of a dork! Our life in general is fun and funny things happen to us - but that's on purpose. We make it that way. Some stories she may tell someday:
1) Where's My Thingie?
2) B...., You Remember Me, Right?
3) Is It Real?
4) Leigh's Not Black?!?!
5) I Feel GREAT!!!
6) You Don't Want Chardonnay, You Want Ziff!
7) If I Run Faster and Get My Butt Lower, I Can Catch My Tail!!!
8) Poop Crop Circles
9a) I'm Battling a Small Fire...
9b) Well, Let me Put It This Way: Basically, Your Husband Answered the Door...
10) Shut Up or I'm Gonna Break Your Hip!
11) The Branch Won't Hit the House, Right??
12a) Just Throw Some Limes On It!
12b) The Weeds Are Comin' Through the Con-Creek...
12c) I'm Gonna Trim Back The Bushes a Bit...
13) Alright! Finally! This Is The Perfect Color For the Living Room!!
14) I'm SOOO Anal!
15) Don't You Want To Live in a 500 Year-Old Castle With Me?
16) This Is Nas-tee!!
17) Umm, Um. Okay..Greeaat.
18) 135 "Uhs" in 20 Minutes = 6.75 [Uhs/min]
19) Honey, Would You FedEx My ID To Me?
20) Ahg! Ptu! What's This In My Oyster? (not funny, just a nice story)
(21) I Like That Kooky, Kooky Eye...
And so on, and so forth. There are SO many good stories!
Now, back to the present day.
N is presently in Daytona, FL visiting her "Mother's Most Recent Ex-Husband" and his mom, or her Dad and Grandmother, in our vernacular. She is missing me (and I, her) but having a good time in the sun, renting recumbent bikes to cruise on the beach, swimming, chilling out, etc. She does deserve the rest though, because...
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She GRADUATED COLLEGE LAST WEEK!!!!
YAY!!! WOO-HOOO!!!!
B.A., Humanities
Magna Cum Laude
Alpha Sigma Lambda National Honor Society
...and her worst grade of all her college classes? A B in WATERCOLORS 1 !!!!!!
I like her paintings, though. I can't imagine what the other people got!!
Anyhow, we had a perfect, sunny, breezy day for the commencement (of course I got a sunburn) and we had a really nice party for her at a friend's restaurant in New Haven right afterwards. The highlight of the party, though, was that her Mom and Dad, who haven't seen each other in 38 YEARS, were actually going to be in the same room at the same time - with witnesses!! Of course there was much speculation and side betting... I think the odds favored Mom - bigger gun & less inclined to stand down - but I didn't get involved. However, a lot of people lost money because nothing happened. They didn't even speak to each other! Whew!!
A lot of friends and family came in from out of state - it was really nice. One of her profs. was there with his wife and he was telling us how N was the best student he had...ever! See, I always had a weakness for the smart ones!
Now, it's on to Yale. I'm pushing Yale - she is certainly the type of student they are looking for: really smart, really liberal, really outgoing, and of superior character. And a really dedicated, hard worker. Plus, the Yale campus is 5 minutes down the road. Yup - she's going to shake things up in those ivy covered halls...
We think she will be able to phase into a Masters program after the Little Bean is a couple or three years old. After that, I go back to school to finish my education. This, though, is a long and dreary tale that I won't bore you with...
I am curious: does anyone know someone who went back to graduate school in their late 30's / early 40's? If so, how did they do it? I'm interested in hearing how others have pulled this off...
Now I'm WAY off topic!! So, back to the business at hand: N is feeling pretty good except she doesn't have the appetite required to eat enough to gain the doctor-prescribed one-pound-per-week. So she's going for the most calorie-laden food she can. Her ankles and hands are swelling, so she has to try to keep them elevated to keep this under control. I think that her "pee-thing" is better (feeling like she has to go, but it being a false alarm), but maybe it isn't and she just got tired of telling me...
We are still working on the names thing - I didn't realize how hard this could be! There are SO MANY reasons why certain names aren't "good" - same name as people you hate, same name as family member, name is too common, name is too obscure, name initials spell sex-oriented or other "difficult" words (RIM, RAM, REM, DIM, DUM, HUM, CUM), etc. Obviously, we're stuck with "M" as a last initial.
Second question: Does anyone have an idea for a COOL three-letter-set of initials (that ends in "M")? Maybe we can work backwards from that...
Finally, the Nursery. The Nursery. Yep, the Nursery. It used to be our office, and now it's not. We still need to clean it out and paint it. The problem is getting all of our books out. HUNDREDS of books! THOUSANDS of books! Well, maybe not thousands but...SHIT! My books all weigh twelve pounds apiece (mostly physics and optics texts), N has every dictionary ever published, we have just about all the "Dummies" and "Idiots" books, most all of the Calvin & Hobbes books, generalized science books (me), generalized literature books (N), advanced mathematics books (me), tons of self help / self actualization / self diagnostic / self destruction books (me & N); Flash, HTML, C++, Visual C++, LabView, DreamWeaver, PhotoShop, Illustrator, Cold Fusion, etc. books; dog training books, "How to Organize Your Books" books, and now, finally, child birthing / raising / attachment / detachment / potty training / development / caring for / education books.
We've got it ALL. And it's all got to go downstairs. Two flights down. And it's all got to be put in the new bookshelves. That I haven't built yet. Ugh...
Which reminds me of arguably the BEST story of all:
22) What's "Ugh"?
Now, that's the one I think she should tell you next!
I have to get back to work now. These morons don't understand their own IP and need me to tell them how to make a product for a major client such that it will be completely covered by our patents. And this will be an additional $10M account on top of the large $$ business we currently have with this client. The funnier one is the $30M account we're trying to land that we keep doing wrong again, and again, and again... But this isn't MY blog, so I'll spare you from all this.
Bear
previously known as B.Diddy
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