tick tock, around the clock

Rio graced us with smiles, coos and burps every 2 hours since 7 o'clock last night! That means: 9pm, 11pm, 1am, 3am, 5am, 7am, 9am, 11am and most recently- 1pm. She is looking at her mobile while her mom prays she takes a nap. She has been nursing all day in bouts and fits. We're having a lazy-who-cares-what-time-it-is kind of day. Nice.

so sad I don't even know how to say it

My friend MAC called today to find out what happened with a mutual friend. She was due in 3 weeks and lost her baby . The child had been moving around inside her like crazy and then just stopped so she went to the hospital for an ultra-sound on Saturday. The cord had knotted and the baby had died. I don't know why they say 'lost'. The baby was right there, inside her. She delivered a still born because common wisdom says it helps with closure. I say 'horseshit'. Words are not coming because I am so not in the place to even consider something like that. I just held Rio in my lap and didn't mind for a minute that she could be considered 'fussy' today. So we cuddled, I cried, she cooed and we sent the girl and her baby white light for healing and the transition. I'm absolutely sick to my stomach.

If you lose your parents, you're an orphan. If you lose your spouse, you're a widow. If you lose your child it is so awful, there isn't even a word for it. Pray, or do whatever you do, okay?