gulp

Last night Bear walked the nugget around when she woke up at 11 cuz she went to bed too early. Getting a schedule down is tough with an infant! So, he brought her to bed with us because that is how she sleeps the absolute best. One hand on dad, one hand on mom. I woke up at 3 am with the corner of my pillow over her face. It's ok cuz her face was turned to the side and my pillow is of the lightest down so it didn't crush the breath out of her but still. Shit. My heart is still pounding thinking about it. I grabbed her to see if she was breathing and she didn't wake up, just mewed. That's it. No more sleeping with us. It is way too nerve-wracking. I mean, hell, how do you continue to live if you suffocate your baby by mistake in your sleep?! She's in our bed now, taking a nap. I just keep circling the bed like a shark, thankful.

My heart is still in my throat. Today might be a bad one.....