What can I say? Since my last post, well, things have been a little tough for me. Every day when I wake up I feel like I drank:
one bottle of expensive red wine follow by a bottle of ripple
a fifth of jack daniels
12 slippery nipples (the super sugary Sambuca topped with a Bailey's float)
and then had 2 deluxe cheeseburgers at the diner at 3 am.
I feel really bad. My skin is starting to threaten piiiimplllles and I can't seem to get my hair all the way clean. In truth I can muster the stamina for a shower only about twice a week. I can't smell regular smells but bad smells are INCREDIBLY apparent. On a recent shopping trip I felt like an alien. I could 'see' body odor coming at me. It was horrible. And then some chippie had on enough perfume to gag a horse. My poor husband. I smell like the homeless and if he has the tiniest hint of sweat-BAM-he's sent to the showers. I feel pretty.
On an interesting note, I've lost 7 pounds. I haven't exercised once in the past month but the fact that all food is pretty much unappealing is zipping off the pounds. I'm too weak to be excited.
The dogs... well, shocker but my rather-lax-attention-to-details brother wasn't right in his tip on the show about how to handle your dogs with an imminent arrival. I taped the show and watched most of it. How do those morning shows make any money?! It was stupid, insipid, the host sounds like a donkey, bad hair was everywhere and who the hell still makes those saucer sized cast earrings? Ugh. Wretched. And loads of cooking which was a lot of fun for me. So-the dogs....due to the fact that I'm spending an inordinate amount of time lying around doing nothing but spilling Saltine crumbs and slowly stroking Jack and Hobbes, well, they're into it.
We get up in the morning and move to the guest room which has a TV. The TV in the den is 4 times the size, but there is no bed in the den. I get a sleeve of Saltines, a big glass of gingerale, the phone and get into bed. The dogs drape themselves around me and we spend the day clicking between the Animal Channel and TBS. The TV in the den has satellite but, again, no bed so we suffer. It has gotten bad. The dogs now come out from under the covers when they hear the music for "K-9 To Five", a show about dogs that work. We are all embracing our laziness.
BUT... the dogs are really overly attached. They were 'all about mom' to begin with, but it is a little crazy now. They follow me to the bathroom and wait outside while I tinkle, then back into the bed we go. I am waiting for sores to appear on my side. Lovely, huh?
So, the test is right around the corner. We'll find out if there is a heartbeat... I guess I should say 'we'll hear the heartbeat' but I am still nervous. It must live, it is sucking me dry! We'll also find out how far off we are in calculating.. all the good stuff. If I can figure it out, I'll post the sonogram. The more I read of the upcoming indignities, the more I think it's a better idea to be surprised when it's too late to turn back. Hahaha.
Ok,well, this effort has really been a lot. I have to muster my strength for a trip to Barnes and Noble this afternoon and BabyGap for my friend Clare's twins Christening, which I slept though yesterday.....