lazy

Our exercise for writing class this week is the run-on sentence. Here's mine. Whaddaya think?!

***

The clock clicks to 11:29 as she bursts through the door and I am struck by her beauty and the new smell of ‘young woman’ that floats in just behind her and all at once I’m transported to when she simply smelled of child and when asked, at 2 years old, what she wanted for Christmas, had so clearly and forcefully stated, “A pygmy marmoset monkey,” and shooting her mother a withering look continued, “and we do, too, have room because they are small!” and another vision of her floats into my consciousness – this time covered in fake tattoos, wearing only a jacket, ivory cabled tights and cowboy boots and comfortable in that outfit as only the young can ever be – and I find I am shocked by the woman that is pushing out the girl in a thousand new ways every day, every month, every year, and when she’s questioned about the dance and the boy I find an odd relief when I see the last vestiges of thumb-sucking manifest in a charmingly crooked smile as she simply says, “We had fun – goodnight!” and, whoosh, she’s come and gone, ever changing, still, again.

7 comments:

the slackmistress said...

I’m transported to when she simply smelled of child and when asked, at 2 years old, what she wanted for Christmas, had so clearly and forcefully stated, “A pygmy marmoset monkey,” and shooting her mother a withering look continued, “and we do, too, have room because they are small!”

I love this part.

Masked Mom said...

I got a little winded reading it and I wasn't even reading it out loud! Does that mean I'm old?

And where can I get me one of them pygmy marmoset monkeys? They sound pretty cool and quite manageable...

nita said...

slack: thanks sista! means a lot from you :)

mm: our first 'fight' came when i told her i stole one at the zoo and then didn't produce.,....

Anonymous said...

emil anonymously said:

Images and details are great. Was the assignment to write a run-on sentence that didn't read like one? If it was you need to get more complex than "and." Sounds like it's going to be an interesting class. Have fun with it.

Beth said...

You have painted a picture that I think every mother/father sees once in a while. I just got to witness you and your girl in both your future and your past. Brilliant and amazing. What a treat to be included, even if that wasn't the purpose of the exercise.

Love it N!

just me said...

nice.

that's better than most of the people in my grad program can do.


...and you're not even a nerd.

Piglet said...

i like the writing, it kept my attention which isn't easy. i could almost hear it being read aloud at a poetry slam.