marketplace

I have 3 friends in Massachusetts. I should try harder, but I find the days slip away in a whir of laundry, phonecalls, work, and just life. I may have to branch out.

My one friend's husband got a promotion. He can now work from anywhere on the east coast. They moved here when they were young and this is their first house ... they brought their babies home to this house. It was home. But they are alone here. All extended family lives in another state. And my friend and her husband miss their families.

So, they put the house on the market. I told her, "It's not like no one is ever going to buy a house again! Yours is in great shape, priced reasonably, and is highly desirable."

I usually don't mind that I'm always right.

Sold. In less than a week.

Joy.

I'm very happy for her but it makes me very aware of our situation. I'm estranged from my mother, but Vermont will always feel like home to me. Most of the people who are so important in my heart and life are there and there are many of them! I love 'going home' and Bear is always great about my frequent visits ... I just am feeling a bit conflicted.

My in-laws are awesome and they made CT so nice. Now they are an island of warmth, cupcakes, babies, and love there - and we're here.

We just got back from spending a week with my father's family in Wisconsin and Chicago area. That side is mostly Mexican and the family unit is huge. Rio had a sleepover with 3 cousins and she had the best time. I called my aunt to see how she was doing and my darling aunt said, and I quote, "Girl! She hasn't even asked for you! She's fine. See you tomorrow." That's how it rolls out there. Fluid. Family.

Conflicted.

I just feel like there are quite a few places that are welcoming havens for our little family ... and we're pretty far from all of them.

Having a child and not working is a very different life. I don't meet people all the time, and it's not like we go to happy hour or things like that. I've never been so isolated in my life and most days it's fine. Most days I am so wrapped up in school, shopping, cooking, gym, dog, life ... that I hardly notice the big space that used to be filled with so many friends. So much family. Yah, every once in a while I feel lonely and the phone just doesn't cut it. We can't really move until we do a ton of work on this house and we've decided to be here for at least a few more years. Then Rio'll be in school and so we have to try to plan life around a move and if/when/how that impacts her and even looking down the road is so freaking complicated.

How did we get here? Where are we going? Who is this new me?

5 comments:

Menchuvian Candidate said...

Forgive me, please, if I did selfishly feel relieved when you said that you would be staying for at least a few more years. I like your being in my state-if not unhappily so. It's funny, though. Here I am living 8 miles, if that, from where I was born, and I identify completely with your isolation. And, hell, I've lost any sense I ever had of who I am.

Alice said...

oy, i'm sorry to hear one of the friends is headed out. that is a tough situation. internet hugs for you :-)

Kenna said...

I'm there with you girlfriend. I've been here for 20 years and I'm with The Man and he is wonderful, really, he is. But my family is four hours away. I have a nephew and a niece I only see a few times a year. Mother and Father who aren't getting any younger. There is starting to look a whole lot better than here.

Diana said...

i couldn't comment the other day, my wireless was in cahoots.
BUT!
What i was going to say was:
I'm here! Close but not too close to smother! hahaha,
no really, we've talked about getting together forever, maybe this is THE SUMMER FOR US TO ACTUALLY DO IT.

Beth said...

Glad that your pity party is over and understanding completely. Living in the middle of nowhere is nice in ways but sometimes I think it would be cool to go for a friendly visit without having to pack a lunch or work out days off.

Peace.