shhhh

shhhh

My new dentist emailed over the weekend *swoooon* to let me know of a cancellation today at 2pm. For the root canal redo ... shoot me. Anyway, I accepted which means I could not go to a fabulous lunch at my in-laws which makes me sooo sad BUT not sad enough to go another 8 days with a throbbing mangled tooth. explanation: Almost 3 years after a stupid kid hit Bear's car hard enough to rip the seat from the frame, the other side has finally gotten around to scheduling a deposition. So we all planned to have a little daytrip. So the plan was for Bear to take Rio and have a nice lunch and then go to his deposition. We were to leave at 9am.

Bear decided to go into work for just one thing.

It is 11:25, they left 5 minutes ago. He got back here after 11 and still had to shave and shower. I had his clothes ironed and laid out, his lunch packed, snacks, drinks and diapers in the car and the car running.

I could honestly hit him in the head with a giant steel clock.

But! I now have 1.25 hours all to myself before I have to leave for the dentist. I'm not taking calls, I am cleaning up AND I'M LISTENING TO HOWARD100 AT FULL BLAST!

This is a little sad, non?

:: amended to add ::
I had the best root canal today. I'm not even kidding. I am a little bit insanely in love with my new dentist. If you live within 1000 miles of Brookline MA, you must see him! *swooon*

lamo-rama

lamo-rama

We have spent hours upon hours this weekend watching home movies. Of Rio. Eating, grunting, trying to roll over, sort of just laying there ...

And we have spent hours upon hours sitting, rapt, with goofy grins.

Oh, we are sooooo parents.

beading frenzy

beading frenzy

The last 2 years have been tough. Physically. Emotionally. Tough. I had the botched surgery, a baby, a wonderful ADD-ridden husband, a big move away from everything comfy and sane, a death or 8, just tough. It became apparent that I would need something to 'take me away' besides the pills and booze. So I picked up beading.

Not nearly as effective as the pills and booze, but much less liver damage.

Last night I spent 3 hours sorting donuts and daisies, bicones and briolettes, gemstones and uh, gross ones ... but it occured to me I was calm. Peaceful. Engaged. Filling little containers with the perfectly sorted items. Making labels for things that need labels ... Gorked* on beading.

Stick a fork in it. The party pig, the dancing queen, the drunk slut has left the building.

*Speaking of 'gorked' ... although I've tossed about 40 bottles of stuff given to me by a myriad of doctors guessing at what was causing all the problems ... I still had 2 bottles of things that look and sound sort of the same. One bottle contains the pills for when I feel as though I'm tinkling barbed wire. I thought I was taking one yesterday but instead I took one of the early experimental pills. It sets my entire esophageal tract on white hot fire and then slowly halts the voluntary muscles of most of my major systems. So, it went like this:

Wow. That burns. .... uh oh. Oh NOOOOOOO! (whump. collapses with mouth open.)

Fun stuff. Really. I should set up a webcam ...

straightened out

straightened out

Bear's habit has been to set the alarm and then get back into bed. Four or five times, beginning at 5:30 or 6am. Until couples counseling. He agreed to set it and get up. Which he modified to 'get up, grab a blanket and oversleep on the purple couch downstairs'. Our counselor, in a grand and misguided moment of inspiration, made the couch off limits! for the mornings.

So, this morning he got up, made coffee for himself, and then woke me up because I was laying crooked in the bed. That he should have vacated. But he was getting BACK into to slurp coffee and blow his nose in such a way that every elephant on this continent perked its ears because it thought it heard its mother calling.

Bastard!

***

So, yah, the troll thing. I nuked a bunch of this so my blog gives no illusion of being cohesive. It's fair, really. I'll be posting pix of the monkey, Bear dressed up and passed out from the shear exhaustion wrought by our veggie powered maniac baby, stories to catch everyone up, blahblahblah. And I gotta fix this site. Anyone have a suggestion where a mom can pick up a template that doesn't look like ass or cost an arm and a leg. So, a body-part-free template?! Yeah, that's what I'm talking about...

***

This kid bugs the living crap out of me. He whines constantly and he can't seem to come to the moral lesson of each crudely drawn allegorical tale UNLESS HE'S FORCED, PUNISHED, OR JUST WHINES HIS PARENTS TO DEATH! Of course Rio's seen it twice and asks for him by name. Shoot me.

In an effort to get her mind off questionable PBS whine-a-thon shows, I bought her this and this for her viewing pleasure. I'm either the best mother in the world or the worst. Can't tell. Most days are like that ...

the more I think about it...

the more I think about it...

The more I miss good old AMA. Once upon a time I let a troll chase me out of here. I changed my mind :) I'm baaaaaaaack!

over the hill and through the woods...

over the hill and through the woods...

I know it'll be fine at the new doctor's. I'm sure the pronation and ankle angles and flat footedness is no big deal to anyone. But me. I know this is all part and parcel of a very manageable situation.

So why am I in tears?

Off to Children's Hospital - bound to lift my spirits.

suddenly

suddenly

Suddenly, my little dog Jack can't bear to be separated from me. He's all jiggly and whiny when I return from a short time away. He follows me from room to room and has the obvious need to be in my lap whenever I'm sitting. If I leave my desk, as I just did, for a cup of coffee he leaps off his chair and quickly and closely follows me to the kitchen and back.


me: Bear, Jack is acting strange lately, don't you think?

bear: I know it. When you were outside with Rio he was all 'Yeee, yeee, heee, wooo, arrrr, yiiii'.

me: I hope he's okay.

bear: He's fine. Just went to the vet. Maybe he knows something, like, you know how dogs have a weird sense about things? Maybe you're gonna die or something....



It's so great to have him around to ease my mind.


:: NOON UPDATE ::

So, we go get Lewis at school. He's flying back to DC on Thursday so he'll be here doing laundry, stripping wallpaper, you know, he's my handmaiden for a couple days... Rio is down for her nap and I stay upstairs.

Jack, sensing some impending doom, whines at the bottom of the stairs so he can come up. Of course I capitulate and hope he's not in a barkariffic mood so the babe can get a full nap.

So, no barking but he's *under* a little bench, digging and whining and I think he might be the one losing his mind first. Not like it's a race or anything, but still.

I'm nervous.

falsies

falsies

the wedding, part one

the wedding, part one

Very quickly because I have to go to the store while the nugget rests her precious little head. I just made bangin' spaghetti sauce and meatballs so I'm going to get some good bread and we're out of a zillion things, too.

The wedding was....okay. We were the absolute last people in and I hate to be late so there was that. I saw Eddie standing outside the room for the ceremony so I got a chance to say 'hi' and 'congratulations' and he said 'you look wonderful' and 'it's so great you came' and then, the ceremony.

We were seated on the outskirts with people from work and a girl and her husband who were friends with his last serious girlfriend who probably actually blew vessels in both her eyes when she heard he was getting married because she realllllllly wanted to be Mrs. Eddie.

And then Bear actually shh-ed me because I was cracking jokes that he thought were inappropriate while Eddie's father was giving his speech which he was only doing because snipers were posted in the overhang because his dad is completely disapproving of this union and has said so!

So, I got shh-ed and ignored and I didn't feel so welcome. I wish I'd thought about that before I tortured myself with false eyelashes, but I'm an optimist. Optimistic that people who share deep feelings can translate that into care and respect for a lifetime. I've always felt that for the special people in my life; but I suspect I'm alone in that.

Maybe this isn't part one. Maybe this is all the thought it deserves. I realized that I don't know anything about him anymore and that space he lived in when we were close is gone. He's so different; playing a new role that has no walk-on parts for the past. Besides his family and best friend, I didn't know a soul. No reminders of who he once was, nothing. Strange.

Well, if Bear ever gets married again, there is no way I'm going.

I'm kind of scared...

I'm kind of scared...

Uh, I'm sitting at my computer waiting for Rio to wake up and I see a flash outside. Then a HUGE CRASH OF THUNDER sounds twice. The weird thing is that it is snowing like a mofo outside right now. Sideways. White-out. And thunder?!

Is the sky broken? Is this okay? Is this even possible? Am I awake?!

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.....

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.....

I don't know if any of you remember that I got a John Deere tractor for Mother's Day. Might be that 'mother' is only half a word.....but anyway. Evidently, for Christmas I got some parts to go with my beautiful tractor.




Here is Bear putting on the chains and hooking up the gears and levers and other thingies. My car is in the driveway, getting snowed on. His is, too.

And it really did snow. Quite a bit! Here is a picture that Bear ran out in his bathrobe to snap.







Yes, that is a cowboy hat. No, my ears are not warm - but don't I look cool?!

*Bear came home for lunch so he could snowblow the driveway. We really need to see about getting a life....

I want to be in the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program

I want to be in the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program

Because I can't handle the holidays. I'm fine, but I become consumed thinking about those that aren't.

I do have a happy note here. I found a new vet. Boobah's mom recommended someone. When I say that meeting her at Baby Yoga has been a lifesaver, I'm not kidding.

So we went to the new vet. First with Jack. To test the waters. I was comfortable and everything went well. Then I brought Hobbes. The last vet recommended giving him a 'goodnight Irene' cocktail. I declined. And brought him to a fancy-shmancy dog behaviourist. So he's on Prozac. And he's much, much better.

I told the new vet every stinking detail so she could best decide how to deal with him. She was gentle, not at all squeaky, and she gave him a shot and emptied his anal glands. Sorry folks, but I have the most ass-squirtinest dog in the Northern Hemisphere. So, she was great and he was great and I was extraordinarily grateful. She liked Hobbes quite well, as did the office staff. "Beautiful" and "Sweet" and "So well behaved under stressful circumstances" were all accolades thrown about. *whew*

I love those dogs like they are my children. Because they are. I've been to hell and back with Hobbes AND Jack and hell isn't half so bad as having someone besmirch your dog. I love them and we're all safe and sound and that's that.

Ok. Me and Rio just took a bubble bath and it was as much fun as you'd think. She's growing and talking in select company and walking and learning more signs and practicing more words (but only in her crib because she doesn't know I have her bugged! and I hear "Where's my daddy?" and "Hi Mommy!" and I don't let on...) and all is well in our little corner of this vast, sometimes cruel, often surprisingly wonderful Universe.


AND! I've decided on a wedding gift. Fun martini glasses and a note saying we helped to make the holidays happy for someone without their good fortune. A glass to raise a toast to happiness and health and good fortune.

Hey. It's the secondish wedding for both and I'm fully intending to put a smile on the face of a kid I don't know over this consumer frenzy known as "The Holiday Season".

xxx
nita

outta curiosity....

outta curiosity....

We'll be attending the marriage of a dear friend of mine, charming lad, friend from childhood, we go way back, _{he was my first love}, on Saturday.

I can't exactly give him "Hope this marriage works out better than the last one" t-shirts and Bear has charged me with finding/buying/wrapping the gift.

How much would you spend? I've never been one to shop off a registry - should I start now? I'm terribly interested in your thoughts....and yes, Bear has reached actual rockstar rating for saying 'I'd love to attend that wedding with you!'. I don't have to shop for *his* present, if ya feel me....

the fun never stops

the fun never stops

Miss Rio loves her some raisins. Magnificent organic raisins that she shoves into her mouth in great quantity and immediately asks for more of the plump goodness. Occasionally, she'll pick one off a fistful and share with a nearby pooch. But she sure does love her raisins.

So imagine my surprise at a diaper that looks to be full of grapes. Perhaps if she chewed them, they wouldn't sail wholesale through her intestines, grabbing moisture and rehydrating and I wouldn't live in fear of diaper changes. Did I sign up for this? I don't remember signing up for this.

***

On another note, for I don't want to leave you with that image clouding your day....She has learned the signs for 'clean-up' and 'airplane'. She is still doing that bonking of fists and looking at me like I'm some sort of moron and we're still trying to figure out what it means...but anyway. She loves airplanes. Every time she hears one, she stops and goes to a window to look up. So Bear was watching the most tedious pilot instruction video ever and he taught her the sign. Now when she sees or hears a plane, she throws the airplane sign and smiles. What fun!

Just think what fun the naysayers will have in about 2 years when it's time for her to go to school and she ends up at the school FOR KIDS WHO CAN'T/WON'T TALK!

Focus

Focus

Seriously. My mind is all over the place. I think I have ADD. The only time I was ever task oriented was in the 80's when I may or may not have been under the influence of what could have been known as a speed-like substance. Man, I can never run for political office thanks to 'cache'ing....

Where was I? Oh! No focus. But I'm working on it. Developing my own little strategies, as it were....

*moving day
I talked to Mark, who continues to rue the day....and the new and improved site should be available for viewing within the week.

*all things doctor related
I put everyone's appointments on the calendar. We all know when and where we're supposed to be getting poked and prodded. I feel like a medical secretary. And we all know how I feel about being a secretary...

technoridiot
I finally did a bloglines thing. I read over 50 blogs. No wonder my eyes hurt and my house is a disaster and my roots need doing and my nail are unpainted and speaking of unpainted, hey, how about the fucking teddybear trim in our guest room.....

AND

I tried to email a zipped folder so Mark could trickify the pictures for my ROLLING FLASH BANNER *swoons with excitement* and I couldn't email it so I had to attache 5 photos to 6 emails and I'm pretty sure Mark is rueing and taking down all virtual presence links so I can't reach him.....

*weekends
I had to cancel on my pals visiting Boston because I'm exhausted. The thought of packing up Miss Rio and heading to Boston for breakfast and then coming home in time for her one measely nap and getting the housework done and shopping and figuring out the logistics of the trip to Connecticut tomorrow...ugh! So I called and she is a very good friend who didn't make me feel lame for one second. A feat these days...so we're going to Connecticut to see some grandparents tomorrow. Luckily, Bear and I love to travel in the car together cuz we have actual talk time uninterrupted. I miss that guy these days...

*messy messy messy
There are a few rooms in the house that are disasterous. I need bookshelves and elves to put the books away. I need fun containers and things that stack but are safe for babies to hang off and a way to cut the nails of dogs who insist they don't need nails cut and ways to sort the copious amount of paper laying around and time to put the plastic sheets containing recipes I cut out all the time into some sort of order and a way to massage my wrists while typing cuz they're getting sore and maybe a source for oxygen masks CUZ I KEEP FORGETTING TO BREATHE!!!! I'm kind of a mess. Not sure why. Just sure that I'm kind of a mess these days. I suspect I know the real reason but avoidance is in my genes....

*Brad Pitt sucks
I used to enjoy his stupid movies. I used to be able to lose myself in the heist, giggle at his twitching insanity, marvel at the smart roles he chose....not so much anymore. I've been dying to see this but the whole time I had some stupid National Inquirererer discussion running through my head.

"Intense look there. I wonder if they were fucking yet."
"Hot scene. I wonder if they were fucking yet."
"Looks rough. I wonder if they were fucking yet."
"Her back is 'hangy' in that shot. Hahahaha! I wonder if they were fucking yet."
"Vince Vaugh might be as hott as Brad. I wonder if they were fucking yet.Brad and Angelina, not Brad and Vince...."

Honestly. The soundtrack in my head has an audible buzz......

top 5 reasons I am the world's worst secretary

top 5 reasons I am the world's worst secretary

1) I throw things
I just threw everything off my desk in a fit of pique. I'm working with the Benny Card people, who I hate, and I have to justify our purchases at fucking CVS cuz, you know, we're buying cars and furs there with our cafeteria spending plan....yeah, so, I couldn't find tape on my messy desk so I cleared it by throwing everything on the floor. Now I have tape to tape the receipts for the things OUR INSURANCE COMPANY WOULDN'T PAY FOR SO THAT'S WHY THE AMOUNT IS WEIRD...I now can tape the receipts and fax them.

2) I swear a lot
I was trying to fax the taped receipts and they are too fat for the fax machine so it rejected them twice and quit the transmission and printed me a NICE FUCKING COCKSUCKING SHEET THAT EXPLAINS THE SON OF A BITCH PAPER GOT JAMMED. Twice. I said the capitalized words out loud.

3) I could never have an office affair
I hate having to take care of this shit so much, and I swear about it so loud, that no matter what I wear or how provocative I may be, I'd never be approached for the old 'on the desk' action, because I am seething with fury which makes me furrow my brow, negating any provocativity...

4) I suck at this job
I got this memo from the big man (Bear) the first week in November. They will be turning our card off again on December 5th if they don't receive the substantiation. I'm just getting around to it now and I totally have an attitude about it.

5) I have high expectations
If my boss gave me some lame holiday flowers, I'd have even more attitude. I would much prefer something like this from Dotflowers because I like the message about the affection and respect. And it costs over $200 bucks. So, if my boss gave me his credit card in that ultimately condescending manner of 'buy yourself something pretty' I would most certainly get a $200 casket piece AND the Godiva goodie bucket because nothing says "I am defining my own holiday bonus" like beautiful (and expensive and casket) flowers and a bucket of chocolately goodness.

*If you're a secretary, seething at your desk and fighting with office equipment and your boss tosses you a card with a 'take care of this for me' on the way to his 3 martini lunch, get yourself some of theeeeese! Can anyone tell what I'm supposed to be doing while I'm blogging?!

evaluation update

evaluation update

First of all, thanks for the kind words. You guys are the best!

There were no real surprised in the evaluation. She's at about 13 months for gross motor and for expressive ability. I know those 2 are tied together, and she is babbling more as she walks more.

Considering they average in her lack of verbal speech and have no math for her extensive sign language (!), she came out at 20 months cognitive. That's great. I know she's worlds ahead of the curve on those sorts of things so I don't worry much. I really just want to know that the physical toll on her little body from the torticollis and plagiocephaly is being resolved. I don't want her to walk in flat-footed circles and have some specialist say, "We totally coulda fixed that a year earlier....", so we evaluate and therapize and worry.

Fun things from her eval:

*They try to get her to use a ruler to fish something out from under the couch and thank GOD I vacuumed this morning! So, the woman shoves the toy under and hands Rio the ruler. Rio hands it back and signs 'help'. The woman does nothing so Rio signs 'help' with great vigor and raised eyebrows. The woman still waits passively. Rio chucks the ruler in her lap and walks off. So much for that test!

*They want to know about drinking from a cup. How much spilling? How adept is she? At this time when they said 'drink' she signed it and handed one woman a water bottle. The woman said 'no' so Rio took the top off and drank it herself. With no spills. From the bottle. She passed that one!

*They give her little blocks to stack. She should be able to stack 3. She stacked 7. Twice.

Loads of other cute little Rio things. Then she tired of the women and signed for 'sleep'. I said, 'Can you wait a minute?' and she shook her head 'no' and signed 'sleep' again. So, she went down for her nap.

*siiiigh*

Same as last time. I know her so well. I know she understands and I know she's the kind of person who wants to be able to do something well before she tries it. She is very much an observer and you can see the wheels grinding in her head. I know if she had to, she could probably talk quite well. But she signs very well and that's good for her for now. I hope we don't have to beef about this in the future, but I don't want to worry about things that haven't happened yet so I'm taking a pass on this issue for now. If she couldn't sign, she'd be frustrated, and probably hungry! She would NOT have such shiny teeth and I would be seeing her sad face much more often so....

She is walking. She's made 6 months of progress in 6 months so the therapy people are pleased. I love her more and more every minute and I now understand the concept of infinity.

It's just, it's just, having professionals check out your child and check boxes and make decisions and judge her....

I wonder if we have any gin around here....

elephants in the living room

elephants in the living room

I don't have the time or energy to get into the big stuff so I'll just hint about it and then get back to it later this week.

*Alex. Whew, twelve years gone now. I was okaaaay this year. Rio helps.

*Bear was sick for 4 days. Didn't move sick. Slept all day and night sick. I thought just a little bit about when we're old, you know, in the next 5 years, and I thought again about how I always wanted to be just me. Not care so much about another person.

*Jack got shut in the laundry room by mistake while we were gone. He clawed almost all the way through the sill around the door. Was inconsolable when we got home from vacation even though the sitter really is nice, if not hyper-vigilant.... I've carried him more than Rio this week. He likes it.

*I couldn't tell you where in the HELL my baby brother has been for the last 2 months.

*Mom gave me and Rio a bunch of jewelry. She says it's so no one else gets it when she dies. I know she's never going to die.

*My friend Suzy's ex-husband, who is also my college roommate's brother, who is also the son of one of my favorite person's best friends, who always served me when I was 16, who also painted really cool fish sculpture thingies...died last week. Lymphoma. I can't tell Suzy.

*My first love is getting married, again, and we're going, for the first time, and I don't know WHAT to wear. Damned skippy my tiara will be involved in the final outfit...

*And I guess the big thing that I really don't want to talk about (and not just a little cuz I now think of the lurkers enjoying my discomfort so I don't want to really talk about it til I move, which is taking a while cuz Mark was sick and now is busy and I was busy and now, well, still busy....) where the hell was I??!! Oh! I don't want to talk about the fact that Rio has her 6 month evaluation with the Early Intervention people tomorrow. She's walking around like it's no big thing, she's talking more, she points at planes and makes monkey, dog and cat noises....SO I DON'T WANT TO HAVE A BUNCH OF PROFESSIONALS IN MY HOUSE TELLING ME WHAT'S FUCKING WRONG.

Yeah, so, I feel like I'm in the middle of a suck-fest but I'm sure it'll pass. Soon. Fuck.

uh oh

uh oh

I have a long post re: Thanksgiving percolating in my head and I'll get to it soon.

But.

We have trouble in Paradise. You all know about Rio's signing. Yeah. She now knows:

up
more
hungry
thirsty
milk
want
help
play
all done
sleepy

and she's working on duck

but there is a new development. She's been doing this weird sign that is all new. A grabby type of things with upturned fists and then she balls the fists and hits them together.

She's patiently learned the signs we have been using. Now she's making up her own and we've got to figure it out.

That kid should have come with a valium patch for mommy.....

gobble gobble

gobble gobble

The original landgrab is celebrated the last Thursday of November. Weehaw. The second wave of colonists was about to go the way of the Jamestown bunch that sort of just, uh, disappeared. So, the Native Americans helped a brother out. Showed them what to grow and how. Helped them survive the harsh climate. And we now live in what's referred to as "New England".

*siiiigh*

I have a long history of hating Thanksgiving. BUT! Bear has a couple of days off and we're going to be spending the offending holiday with excellent friends and we have a house in Stowe all to ourselves so.....I'm thankful. For my life. All of it. And the people in it. All of them. But I gotta say, this is a time of year when my Mexican Native American parts argue with my White Anglo Saxon parts. A lot.

Enjoy. Chew 12 times - vital digestive stuff happens in your mouth. Bear. See you all in a few days.


do a little dance....