and I think to myself, what a wonderful world....

We watched 'Bowling for Columbine' in Humanities last night. I cried in a roomful of near strangers. If you haven't seen it, please do.

me and b


This is at my friend's wedding. I wish it was in color cuz I'm wearing blue tuile with matching robin's egg blue nail polish. My outfit rocked....

OH! I forgot about the funny story that goes with this. This function was one of the first times a large group of my friends got to meet/size up my new man. I was doing the hair and makeup for the wedding party so I left Bear, oops, B.Diddy to his own devices, with some minor suggestions...

me: Hon, do you want to double check that your suit is ok, you have a shirt you like, all the accessories are packed?

bear: I am a big boy. I am capable of packing for myself.

Okey-dokey. I didn't know him then like I know him now.....We get to the backside of the moon in Maine. I unpack steamers, makeup trunks, hair equip. He is in charge of our clothing bags. Great. Smooth. No worries.

Jump to the morning of the wedding. It is looking rainy and my bride is starting to get class A bitchy. I get her ready and have my usual 20 minutes to prepare. B.Diddy has showered and is reading on the porch. I urge him upstairs to dress.

bear: No worries, honey bunny. I'm ready to go.

We head upstairs and I go into the bathroom and he unzips his garment bag. From our bedroom I hear his deep, rumbley voice...

bear: That's odd. I always pack my pants with my jackets.

You guessed it. He didn't have his suit pants. He ended up wearing some other pants that weren't perfect, but they were passable. I had visions of jeans with a suit jacket. Granted, there are worse things, but not on that particular day. NOW I know just how crazy life with him can be :)

I ain't missin' you at all

Remember that 80's song? I loved his frilly shirt....

B.Diddy is gone. We have talked twice this morning. Once about whether or not I got the message that his stupid meeting didn't start until 11 so he actually could have driven down this morning and just stayed away one night.

Not many of you actually know us, but we are a bit on the disgusting side. Ask Pia! I slept so poorly and not until almost 3am. Of course, I did have loads of room for me and the boys.


But I miss him like crazy. And now I have to take Hobbes to the vet cuz of course he cut his foot just as dad was leaving town. If anyone gives us 'the look' cuz he's a pit, I'm going to bite them myself. Yeah, me and the bad mood are headed to the vet.

All's well

Just a quick update. The doc said everything is great. I just strained my ligaments on either side of my uterus. Nice, huh? So that's what the shooting pains are all about. I guess I'm supposed to take it easy.....

Speaking of taking it easy...next weekend we're headed to the staff reunion of the Rusty Nail in Stowe. My husband is coming with me. There will be lots of babies and it will be great to see people that I haven't seen for a long time. Bobby (the owner) finally sold it so we're having the get together. I'll post pictures next weekend.

B.Diddy is heading out to Philly for a couple of days. I am going to HATEHATEHATE sleeping without him so I am sad today. Work is such a pain in the ass. We would have so much more time together if he didn't have to go here and there and the office all day. Ugh.

Now that my uterus is falling out, mother's place is coming along. We have such a messy relationship and that makes me sad, too. Today is just a sad day. Boo hoo.

Off to class.

We went to my mother's place in RI yesterday to help with the finishing unpacking touches. ONLY TO FIND... that she hasn't unpacked a thing since the movers left April 2nd. There were a couple little trails through the boxes and every room is stuffed to the gills with the spoils of her latest war. We got a LOT done for her. Loads put away, stuff thrown out, furniture arranged-I was exhausted.

Then last night in the middle of the night I woke up with the worse pains in my tummy. I attributed to pains of a gaseous nature, owing to my fried oyster and lobster roll lunch, but then they became rhythmic. I was so tired I kept falling back to sleep in between them, then I would get 2 taught cords from just inside my hipbone up to my ribs. This happened about 4 or 5 times. I was trying to look at my watch so see if they were regular, but only the numbers light up on my tricky Storm watch, not the hands. WTF??!!!

SO...I'm just trying to figure out something to do for the next 27 minutes until there is someone at my doc's office. I'm going to make them listen to the heartbeat, even though I have an appointment on Wednesday. Hey, he handles advanced maternal age patients for a reason. He must be good with "all nerved up", right?!

:: NEWS FLASH ::

From now on Bear will no longer be nicknamed 'Bear.'

He prefers to be called, 'B.Diddy' so please update all correspondence accordingly.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.

And Now For Arts And Crafts....

Here is what I did at 3 AM the other morning. I woke Bear up, after waiting until 5.

me: Wanna see my green apple?

him: No.

me: Ok, cover your eyes! I'm turning on the light....

So now he supervises

I guess instead of getting up in the middle of the night to look at my homework, he's taken up the role of supervisor.


bear: Don't overwork it, honey

me: Never heard that before.

b: Seriously, you have to leave some highlights. Do a wash of color and then come back to it. And watch the balance.


My very own metro-sexual. Yippee.

I completely didn't realize.....

I'm officially in my third trimester. Holy crap. We haven't taken a Lamaze class. The nursery is STILL an office. I spend all day doing errands and writing papers instead of listening to classical music and reading to my belly. I'm sunk.

Right this very minute:

*The baby may have started dreaming now.

*The bronchial tracts develop. The lungs will not be fully mature until after birth.

*From this month onwards, the use of the placenta gradually decreases. Also, the amount of amniotic fluid reduces as the baby grows.

*Baby can put the thumb in the mouth.

*He/she can cry.

*The bones have begun to harden.

*The skin gains more vernix to protect from the acidity of the amniotic fluid and to help maintain a regular temperature.

*Growth slows and becomes more regular.



Behold, I am wroughting a miracle. Ok, freaking out so I have to outside for a while.....

Need I say more?



I had a zillion things to do yesterday. I am 7 papers light for one class, I have to paint a picture of a fruit bowl and a picture of a bouquet of flowers by Saturday, the vacuum needs to go for a check-up, I need to mail my sister's birthday present, my parents want me to send belly pics, I have to write a speech, I must try on caps and gowns, my college needs my phonetic paperwork, I need to make invitation lists for 2 CT showers, 2 VT showers and my graduation and I had a class A 4 quadrant headache yesterday BUT...... I spent 2 hours watching Dawson's Creek and gluing rhinestones to my phone. Thanks to Trudy who sent me a packet with all the necessary tools. She rocks :)

So that takes care of bling2 phone from yesterday. And impossible tasks, too. Aside from the reorg of my closet and office. THAT is truly impossible.

I'll clear up one more and then I really MUST go do some errands before I get fired as a housewife.

"A+ Excellent Work"

Now, I'm not complaining but.... I haven't written the synopses due for Humanities because I missed a lot of classes and I can't seem to get a feel for my prof. He said to take my time turning in the papers, which I obviously have.... So I wanted to see what his feedback was on my midterm before writing all these papers. I say things in class and he looks at me like I have a duck on my head. I absolutely can NOT get a read from this guy. Back in the day I would have run him to ground for smooches but that is so not an option. Instead, I agonize. Was my reference to Hobbes too arcane? When I told him the Declaration of Independence wasn't written for women OR minorities, did he really flinch? Usually my comments are met with, "Um, okaaaay..." and that's it.

So imagine my friggin' surprise when I got my midterm back. Four questions, eight pages of answers, not a single solitary comment. Just "A+ Excellent Work" on the last page. Who am I to complain? Guess I'd better get busy with those synopses....

TONS to talk about

but no time as usual.

So, remind me later of:

impossible tasks
registering for baby stuff
my bling2 cell phone
catching a bear shitting in the woods
squirrel patrol
my A+ in humanities
national honor society
2 cars in 3 months

So, about the last. I'm thankful Christopher and Katie are ok. More than thankful. Rabidly relieved. And a little sketched. I love those kids. More later.

times flies

My mother has moved to a town a bit over an hour away. She's behaving badly but we're both trying to get along better. Promises to be interesting.

Just returned from Easter dinner with the in-laws. Fabulous, as always. I've been blessed.

This morning we were invited to an Easter Egg hunt at my friend's house. We were psyched to see our NYC friends so we went, even though we didn't have the required child for entrance...

What a zoo. They sent the kids into the downstairs basement while the Dad tossed eggs around the yard. The kids were frenzied because there was nothing downstairs so one little bugger started the rumor that the Easter Bunny had missed the house. Then they came upstairs and saw the eggs on the lawn....the had to wait while everyone got their shoes on and then the all crowded the front door and were like maniacs snatching eggs. One older kid got virtually all of them. His parents didn't call him off the chase and some of the littler kids got nada. It was a mess. Kids, jacked on sugar, crying and fighting. Something to look forward to.

We have started the three floor shuffle to prepare for the muffin. Our office is going to be the nursery so my closet, which is actually another bedroom, is being halved to accomodate my desk, as well. So far it looks good, but I don't have everything put away yet :) Bear is relocating to the basement TV room. We have plenty of room, we just expanded to fill the space and now we have to reconfigure....

I'm starting to get big. I will be posting pictures sooooooon. For now, I am going to snug my husband :) I don't know what's gotten into us lately but we are in a total honeymoon phase. I'm just loving him even more than usual, which is a LOT!

so much to say, no time at all!

This weekend sucked worse than anticipated. I'll relay all when I have an hour and can get my head around it. Let it suffice to say that I always knew T was an elegant, class-act, beautiful inside and out. Now I'm also impressed as hell with her iron will and nerves of steel. Go girl.

My mother is cutting a wide swath through New England. She is abusing retail staff in 5 states as her spending frenzy continues. I just saw her house and as far as I can tell every stick that was in my parent's shared home is now in hers. My dad must have been able to move with a Honda Civic. Sheesh. More on that later, too.

Loads to do. Still up to my eyeballs in school work. Cleaning like a loon cuz I can't stand it another minute. The house is looking good and I"m ready to watercolor and write papers tonight.

On the baby front....
Kicking all the time. I always smile when I feel it. Every time. I think this whole kid thing is going to be great. We're working on the upstairs bedroom/office reshuffle. I found a desk that makes an L that will be perfect in my new space. Now I have to go get it!

Starting to get a big belly. I rub it all the time like Buddha. I have this shifty side twist with a forearm block that I use to keep strange hands off it. I used to have giant boobies and at least people got drunk before they reached in. The belly is a free for all. Hate that.

Ugh

I'm off to Vermont. One of my best friends since high school, T, called yesterday and her mother simply died the day before. The circumstances are a bit bizarre right now and I'll update later. So I'm going to help. She is one of those special and pure souls that is wrapped up in angel. She is drop dead gorgeous and twenty times as nice. Her aunts are being harpies so I'm taking my round little body up to Vermont to open up a can, if you know what I mean.

Maybe Bear will post for me while I'm away. He's not so thrilled I'm going but is very understanding. He's great like that.

I have a really tough post that I cannot get to right now. Saw my nephew, finally, and realized my brother is perpetuating our evil childhood of neglect. I'll detail when my eye stops twitching.

On a happy note, my bro is here for a couple of days. I was working on my color wheels this morning and Mark and Bear were sitting around critiquing. Much more fun than it sounds....

another mystery solved...

We have been kind of wondering how on earth I ended up knocked up in October being that we hardly saw one another and I was in Jamaica and then Vermont and blahblahblah. Well, paging through some old stuff I found a haiku I wrote for him in between Jamaica/Boston/Stowe. I was missing him when I landed so instead of heading north, I can home. And--voila!!

what a vacation!
fun and sun and r and r
but i did miss home

fat folks on the plane
overtook my extra seat
so i could not nap

i was excited
flying in over boston
just a few more hours...

i phone him first thing
i'm supposed to head up north
he says i should go

'i want to see you
i missed you so much, my sweet
didn't you miss me?'

i am a bit sad
i was gone-and forgotten
so i tell him this

'wellllll,' he says slowly
'you know the stuff on my list?
the stuff that you need?

the time really flew
i thought i could get stuff done
sadly, i did not

i WILL do it ALL!
i will start in the morning
the list will be done!

the molding downstairs
even your messy closet
and the garage door

paint will really fly
the trashman will be busy
with all of my piles

i will clean the rugs
straighten up the kitchen shelves
even wash the dogs!

kelly is coming
i have yet to make her bed
she will need clean sheets!

that needs to be done
i know how to make a bed
at least, i think so

so-go to vermont
i'm not ready for you here
i got a late start'

so i say to him
'i know you forgot the list
it's ok with me

i'll do the guest room
the rest of the stuff can wait
plus, i miss the dogs'

i can hear him smile
'so what are you waiting for?
get your tan ass home!'

100 grams of protein a day...

So, that's what I'm supposed to get. Yesterday, 72. Today-98. I'm so stuffed I could be hanging on the wall in someone's den. It is the 4 glasses of milk that is really gagging me. Off to bed for more nightmares! Ta-ta!

holy cannoli

So this morning we were just laying in bed watching my stomach lurch around. I'm amazed. It's amazing. Bloop, to one side, bloop to the other. That kid must have friends over this morning. Wowza.

My sculpture class promises to be fantastic! Last night we drew a picture and then made a wire sculpture out of it. There is the full gamut of talent in this class so it is interesting to see what people are producing. I made a palm tree with giant leaves and spirally coconuts. I'll finish it on wednesday and see if I can get a decent pic of it and I'll post it. Try not to be dazzled.

Now I have to hit the books for I have a midterm due tomorrow on 8 weeks of reading that I kind of blew off. Don't worry, I'm a graduate of Evelyn Woods........

fat and happy

Had a checkup this morning. I always try to wear interesting panties. Today I wore my boyshorts that have "Pow!" and "Zam" and "Clonk" all over them. I have gained 4 pounds so the doc is happy. She said, "Don't worry, it'll start to pile on now."

Yippee.

At my next appointment I get to do sugar testing. Fast, have blood taken, then ingest some poisonous sugar cocktail, then sit around for an hour and let the lightly trained ghouls at QuestLabs take another vial of blood. Sounds great, huh? Oh the indignities.... I was thinking of offering to eat a box of GirlScout cookies really fast instead of the sugar cocktail. I'll let you know how it goes.

I also went to our favorite Italian deli and got loads of sliced meat for Bear's carb-free torture. He's doing well and he's always happiest when embroiled in some compulsive behaviour. So I cook meat. I got some ground buffalo at the grocery. Wonder if I can find a decent recipe for it somewhere?!

Pretty boring day. My website is down so I despair of paying for my ebay wins because I can't get email. I'm sure it'll be fixed soon. One of the techs called me from Old Navy about 2 minutes after I opened my case. Quick, they are, at wshost.net. Unsolicited plug.

Kind of having one of those content days that makes you let the old lady with fewer things in her basket go first in line, make you love the dogs even more, make you let your sister sleep even though it's nearly noon. The kind of day that makes you happy to occupy this planet. The kind of day that makes crabby people scowl at your light. *sigh*

To clear a few things up...

1. My prof called me as soon as he got my email. He basically said if a student is ballsy enough to question their grade, he's open enough to negotiate. I'm not telling anyone about this development!! So, I have to rewrite my theology based on Sallie McFague's LIFE ABUNDANT and he'll reconsider my grade. Probably an A-, which is okay with me!!

2. When Bear and my sister went to see my brother last night, a funny little thing happened. Mark, my bro, introduced V as his sister and Bear as his brother in law. They all got a funny look because Bear is 36 and V is 19 so my brother says, 'Oh, ah, he's married to my other sister!' Kind of amusing, non?

3. So....I was visiting Mark at a bar (the usual meeting place if you want to see him and you have to listen to his jam band although they usually will play a silly Prince riff if I'm there....) in Vermont and I was backstage with the guys and the whole scene. Some guy walks up to my brother and my bro makes the face that I recognize as 'I don't really dig this dude' but I have no idea who he is. He looks familiar so I think he's a bartender at the club. Mark says, "This is Rob, Rob, my sister." and I say "Hi, nice to see you. If you're headed to the bar could you grab me a couple of Heinekens?"

For some reason this puts my brother into hysterics. The guy, Rob, snorts at me and turns his back and walks away and starts talking to someone else.

me: What's so damned funny?

mark: (still bent over laughing) That was perfect! I love you!

me: Whaaaa? I don't get it?

mark: Do you know who he is?

me: He looks familiar. Isn't he a bartender here or something?

mark: (still LHAO) That's Rob Fishman! The base player from Phish! hahahahahaha

me: Oh, yeah, I thought he looked familiar. I just thought it was from here.

Yeah, a little clueless but kind of cute. That's me.


THAT reminds me..... of when I was a waitress in Florida. I'm well read, politically knowledgeable, understand modern dance....I just am a disco biscuit. Love top 40. The musical taste of a thirteen year old. Can't help it, can't deny it. Sorry if that disappoints you.

Where was I? Oh yes. I was working lunch at Harpoon Louies in Jupiter with my 80's kinda big curly hair with the white streak in the front, and there were 2 guys seated in my section. Long hair, leather Hard Rock Cafe jackets-back when they were exclusive- one from Stockholm and the other from somewhere else in Europe. So blahblahblah and they were done with lunch and putting on their jackets. I asked if they were band guys or something. One says to me, "You don't recognize us, do you?" and I answer, "If you're not a backup dancer for Madonna, I probably wouldn't know you." This cracked them up to no end. And they tipped me a crisp $100 for lunch. Still have no idea who they were......

I am officially a more relaxed person

...as evidenced by my reaction, or lack thereof, to my final grades for last semester.

Humanities/ The Warrior Ethic :: A
Social and Political Philosophy :: A
The Creative Mind :: A
A Question of God in the Modern World :: B+

My chance at summa cum laude is officially shot. I sent the prof an email asking if there has been some sort of mistake (ya, I got balls) so we'll see what he says.

But the remarkable thing is--I don't really care. Magna cum stay at home mom is okay, too. I'm really undergoing a huge change in my level of excitability. Last year a B+ would have put me into a foul mood, with much banging around and cursing involved. I opened my grades and went, "Anh" or however you write the sound for so what. We'll see.

I spent the day in Jersey providing emergency child care for good friends of mine. A long drive but a labor of love that I was pleased I could provide. I did get to sample 'Elmo' fruit snacks. I'll be going out tomorrow to buy a case. Those things fucking rule! And 100% of my vitamin C for the day! Or 400%, when you consider I ate 4 bags ;)

Bear and my little sister V are visiting my brother at a nightclub. V is 20 years younger than I.....there is a lot to tell but not today. She is wonderful and Bear really feels like she's his little sister, too. I love how loving he is.

I can't believe no one was curious about the Phish story. Oh well, it wasn't THAT great anyway....

night night

C'mon, let me kick a little game with you...

She's gone. She kind of tried to be on good behaviour but that is so open to interpretation...

There are a few rules that are carved in stone.

*Don't ridicule my husband.
She's one of those people who shows affection by making you feel like a failure who might smell badly, too.

*I'm not interested in input regarding how I raise my dogs.
Yeah, so, she had the nerve to say Jack is fat and Hobbes seems gay. Her dog vibrated like an overdue crack head and jumped and your face to bite your nose AND tried to attack my gentle and mild mannered pitbull....

*No racial slurs of any sort.
And here's where things fell apart. A friend stayed over on his way to appear for 30 seconds on Good Morning America. We were having a nice dinner and my mother started to tell a story about when he most recent ex-husband was sailing in the Clipper Cup International. She used the word, "boat-n*gger" and I quickly and loudly said, "NO!" and she just kept going. I got up, went in the kitchen where I thought my head would explode. Bear helped our guest downstairs and I said to her....

me: You need to apologize without any qualifiers.

mother: You don't understand that....

me: No qualifiers. You know I forbid that word in my home. These 4 walls are MINE and you will apologize.

mother: If you knew the root of the word...

me: Wealthy white yacht owners have adopted the most universally understood defamation of a human to amuse themselves on their boats, torturing their staff. Lovely. Apologize.

mother: Fine, I apologize but you just don't understand...

me: You suck. I'm going to bed.

And I left the kitchen. And took a klonopin. And cried.

I live my life railing against racism and sexism and discrimination and this is my mother. *sigh*

Bear was a rockstar this whole week which does not mean he got wasted and forgot to come home, although I would have completely understood. He was supportive of me at every turn and I am so glad he's my husband and I'm his wife. Who knew marriage could be so damned lovely?

How about the Phish story, instead?!

my mother's on the way

She called at 9 am to tell me she would be on the road in half an hour. Then she called at 1:00 to tell me that after coming out of the post office, her car was covered in blood and her rotten dog had cut his foot. She was completely hysterical and all out of breath. This after 3.5 hours allegedly spent at the vet.....

So now she's right around one hour late. Her cell phone is on, rings 5 times and the message comes on. She's not answering. I have to go to the store but I'm certain she'll show up while I'm there.

This promises to be a visit just like all the others.

Say a prayer, wouldya?

toe pick

and now the little nugget appears to be standing straight up, on point, on my colon. hmmmm.

procrastination....
But really I'm just making noise to see if Bear will get up and make me breakfast.

I woke up this morning to excessive swallowing. Enough to wake me up. I thought Bear was choking to death or something. I turned my head and was looking Hobbes right in the face. He had all his feet on my back and was all stretched out in between us like another person. I'm starting to feel like a pioneer with 4 bodies in the bed. We really have to get those dogs off the bed...

So I got up to work on my personal theology. After throwing the class into a crisis of faith, mine had better be good! BUT...instead of working on it I've been reading blogs and laughing. I'm also listening to Super Hits of the 70's on net radio. The Partridge Family was just crooning 'I Think I Love You' and it reminded me of a funny story....

David Cassidy is such a dork
My friend and I had decided to crash the New Years party of the local radio station. We got all trolloped up and just walked in. Open bar, celebs and pseudo celebs, much fun.

So we're standing at the bar and up walks a man with incredibly orange face makeup on. Heavy makeup. And eyeliner. None other than David Cassidy.

He does that thing where a guy backs up to the bar and puts his elbow on it between you and your friend. I hate that. Still kinda looking around he leans in to me and says

dc: I really hate all these autograph seekers.

me: Well, you're safe here! (my good audience girlfriend snorts and blows a bit of her cocktail on the bar.)

me: (now on a roll...) Hey, how'd you get here? The big bus? Is Danny with you? Did you really sleep with your TV mom?

Danielle and I were in hysterics and he just walked away. What a dork.

and now it's 'Sweet Home Alabama'....
GREAT story about a surviving member of Lynyrd Skynyrd back in the day but my husband does check in here once in a while.....

Better get to work on that theology ;)

yet another reason my OB can hang...

Every appointment I bring an index card with all the questions I've thought of since the last appointment. There's always a doozer or two.

me: Ok, I feed the dogs the BARF diet. Raw chicken necks, raw ground meat, pulsed veggies and yogurt. What about salmonella et al?

doc: Just wash your hands after prep. I'm not so concerned it about it.

Don't you just love that guy? Although I am NOT eating:
blue cheese
goat cheese
cold cuts
hot dogs
large fish
chicken or beef with hormones
sushi

and a number of other things I love, I'm trying not to get all wound up in hysteria. I plan to go to the beach this summer, I don't plan to change the dogs' diet, and I am coloring my hair so.....I'm just trying to stay a little relaxed through this process and it's working ok.

It really helps that the little nugget has taken to doing softshoe in my belly about one hundred times a day. Taptaptap, sliiiiiide, taptaptap. Makes me smile every time.

I'll bet his bail was an arm and a leg.

Sorry. I couldn't resist.

life is good

I'm sitting here working on papers, shopping on ebay, having a carrot stick w/ranch dressing snack and I'm just happy. There is snow falling outside, I only have my 8pm class tonight and Bear is on the way home for prurient conjugal reasons.

And, I'm going to be somebody's mom.

Life is good.

Almost finished with my take home parts of my finals. Yeesh. I feel tired and smart.

I'm watching my in-law's cat, Max, while they're in Florida. He's not eating and he's kind of old. I love him sooo much, for a cat.....

I finished my art project. It rocks. Can someone remind me how to post pics? I'm kinda dumb like that. Boy, wait til I'm done with school. My blog is going to be rotten with pictures, links... heck! I might even move it to the domain name I've owned for years!

I'm eating well but still not gaining weight. Why couldn't this have happened in my 20's??!!

what a day

Bear let Hobbes out to pee and there was a possum right outside the door. Hobbes didn't make much noise, just grabbed it and shook it a couple of times. Bear yelled, "No! Out!" and Hobbes dropped it right away. "Here!" and the dog ran right inside. He was a little freaked out and we went out to look at the possum. For a while there it looked like it was okay. It blinked, got up, yawned, shook itself, and then dragged its legs behind it. So sad. Can't quite get that image out of my mind. *sigh*

The emergency vet (where of course we go) said to call the cops and they'd dispose of it and have it tested. The cop came and shot it in our yard. Our dickhead of a dog abusing, fat kid raising neighbor of ours came out to see what was going on. I would have yelled at him if I was out there. I despise that guy. Long story.....

So now I can't get the image of that wounded animal out of my brain. Hobbes is down the hall, hanging off the corner of the bed so he can see me and waiting for me to come snug him. He's a great dog but that instinct is such a weird thing to witness.

I'm a little emotional these days, too.

Ok, a LOT emotional. Wanna make something of it????

more inspiration from comments....

I love reading the comments on other people's blogs. It's often how I find cool new blogs to suck up the extra time I don't have.....

So. Today's question.....

What is the best compliment you've gotten? My man gives 'em all the time but there was one, once upon a time, in a bar far far away....that is still talked about with my friends.

We were walking into a club and there was a wall of guys. Just chillin'. Lookin'. Whatever. One of them steps off the wall and says to me, "Oooo girlllllll. You make a brother want to get a job with benefitssssss."

My friend Bill almost wet his pants. I didn't REALLY understand it but I think it was good?!

So what's your story?!

Yeah, so, the sleeping thing is not working out so well for me. I'm up to study. I just ran off a bunch of stuff for political philosophy (Mills, Pateman, Wolff) and after it was all done printing out Bear reminded me to use 'draft' option to save ink. Oopsie.

Oh, I have something really bad to tell him. Hopefully he'll read it here and then I won't have to break the news myself.

My mother is coming.When, you virtual-pals in blogland want to know? Well, Wednesday night for just one night. Then she'll be looking around Rhode Island to find her new home. Uh oh. Kinda close. I see a move in our future.

He's going to be a little peeved because when she asked if she could stay here I said no but ended up saying okay for just one night. He's really going to want to murder my not because he can't get along with her, but because she's very slyly horrifyingly bad to me. It drives him crazy. Little does he know I fibbed and told her I have class that night so I'll be gone from 5 til 10:30!!!!

The thumbnail sketch and then I really have to study. She was a terrible mother. Her husbands always came miles ahead of me and my brother. Neglect is a nice term. She made him feel invisible. She ruined New England for her latest husband and he has recently left screaming for Florida so seeing him will be difficult from now on. She is a history revisionist so she'll go on and on about what a great mother I'll be when in reality she told me I would be a horrible mother for soooo many years that I actually needed therapy to exorcise some of her programming. She was certain I'd kill my dog. My dogs are so much better cared for than hers. She's a narcissist, too. If I wasn't so high profile in our town, she probably would have ignored me, too. Nothing can be mine alone. Hard to explain but let me try.....

crazy, aisle one...
I had a breast reduction about 8 or 9 years ago. I now have the world's most perfect boobies (you can ask my husband when he's talking to me again after next Wednesday.....). I was in the tub at my house when my friend Suzi came over to see how I was doing. It was my first bath at home and my mother had come over to 'help' but was banished to laundry. So, Suzi and I were talking and mom came in. Suzi had a look at the scars and things and out of the blue my mother says, "This is what they looked like BEFORE surgery!" and whips her shirt open and flops out her breasts that look nothing like mine. Then about 6 months later she got the same surgery. She would show people in the grocery store! I kept hearing all these horrible stories that other people thought were funny but made me feel so sad and embarrassed.

And the kicker? She recently offered to take my infant child for a week at a time so I could go back to work. She can't seem to hear that I'm NOT going back to work, but that's another story.....

mommie dearest: I can pick up the baby on Monday and then bring the baby back on Friday so you can work.

me: Ah, again, I'm going to be staying home with the babe. I have no plans to send my child away midweek and I'm going to breast feed so that's not even an option.

md: You can't breast feed. (verrrry snotty tone of voice.)

me: Why on earth not?

md: Because of your surgery.

me: I recall Dr. Boobman telling me it was highly unlikely it would impact my ability to breast feed in the future although I told him I had no intention of having children.

md: WHelll, he told me I couldn't breast feed.

me: IS THAT BECAUSE YOU WERE FIFTY WHEN YOU HAD THE OPERATION??? I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE YOU HAD THAT CONVERSATION WITH HIM. HOW FRIGGING CREEPY!

Yeah, so, I ended up putting in a call to the Doc's office and he's on vacation so it took over 2 weeks to get an answer. Of course the answer is I should have no problems. Of course she made me doubt the fact that I knew that already. Of course I'm a fucking moron for letting her over the threshold of my home for even one 24 hour span. Hoo boy.

my husband is a funny guy

just now, from the bedroom:

bear: Know what?

me: What?

bear: Naming a baby is fucking hard.

We can't agree on a single name. Not one. This should be interesting.....


bear's secret blog

I know he has one. I just don't know the address. Guessing will take too long and his snoring cancels out his talking in his sleep.

this semester is almost over

I've been sick as a dog but working hard. I am .04 points away from summa cum laude and I really do want it. The only thing that may harm me is attendence. I should have gone to a huge school where I could just be a number that does well on tests!

The good news is I'm pretty sure I've satisfied every requirement for gen.ed AND my major so I am thinking of taking ceramics and sculpture this semester to finish up. Easy classes-go figure!

So, I have printed out my take-home exam from Social and Political Philosophy ( I love you Professor Bennett, you cool-ass, beret wearing, fascinating man) so I'm off to bed to annoy my husband with brainstorming.

Ta.

CORNCAKES?
I was just reading the comments in IA's blog and was reminded of a corn pancake story....

The whole crew was in Arizona for the wedding of good friends about 8 years ago. The east coast contingent rented rooms next to each other, shared some of the rooms, hooked up, line danced and spent a week drinking pool water as we lay about hung over every day for a week. But here's the story...

We headed out for breakfast on day one. We were up stupid early so me, San, Mikey and Brucey headed off for parts unknown. San and I were buck wild party girls and Mikey and Brucey are Long Island boieyyyzzz and were like something straight out of Goodfellows. We found a little restaurant and tried not to attract too much attention. Right.

The waitress looked just like one of the Von Trapps, all blond, braided, scrubbed and fresh looking. She wasn't ready for us. As she approached the table with her good morning song at the ready, Mikey barks at her- "Yo, sweetheart. Four cwoffeez." It took 2 more times for her to understand 'coffee' as spoken by a New Yorker. She scurries off to find a translator and we look over the menu.

Mikey: What fuck are 'corncakes'?? (he says this loudly enough to turn every head in the place that wasn't already craned to check us out.)

Me: Mikey, shh- the waitress is right behind you!

Mikey: Right. Sweetheat-what the fuck are 'corncakes'?

You probably had to be there but it was the best week ever. To be young, carefree and still wild as hell. *sigh* Now Mikey's married with a child, Brucey married the mother of his child and has another, San is the mother of 3 boys, the married couple has the most adorable girl and even I am married happily with a baby on the way.

If someone had told us this years ago, during that week of floating around, dancing and drinking, we would never have believed it. I still don't :)

What a week

My brother called when he was feeling better. He's supposed to come up this weekend and we'll go to the doc together on Monday. We will also be having 'the big talk' while he's here. I have to be fair to me for a while. Tough stuff. Thanks for the good words...

I am in the homestretch with my classes. I'll be all done by next Wednesday so I'm doing finals and writing papers and glueing shit to refridgerator doors...long story but I'll post a pic and explanation next week.

Yesterday the tech at my doc's office let the sex of our baby kind of slip. I thought Bear would be furious but he wanted me to call back and get confirmation from the amnio. We know. He made me promise not to tell. Knowing has made a difference already. We both feel more connected to the little person inside me. It is not what we had planned but I guess that goes along with the whole theme of this pregnancy!

I have a new pasttime. I can sit and feel the baby moving around inside me! Isn't that the best?! Yesterday BB flipped over and that was a little uncomfortable--but very cool. I never thought I'd have children so the whole experience is kind of 'clean' for me, all free of expectations and all. Nice feeling. I know we'll be great parents. Here comes a child into a home full of love, manageable insanity, openness and joy. We have so many great friends, too. I am very excited today.

...

I am still wrestling with what to say to my brother. We both hate guilt so. Can't love be enough?

I've been putting this off...

My brother is my favorite person on earth so that gives him the super power to break my heart over and over and over and I never learn to stop loving him....

He got hit in the head with a fire extinguisher when he was in the Coast Guard. It put him in a coma and when he woke up he was the proud new owner of trauma induced epilepsy. It doesn't work out so well with his hypoglycemia and the meds make him feel pretty crappy.

In the dusk of the 80's he was really self destructive; doing illegal substances, eating poorly and just about killing himself every other month. My friend told me a story once of how they were all riding the white horse and he seized and was so stiff he was straight across the arms of a sofa for the entire 30 minutes it took for an ambulance to get to his place in Boston. I spent a chunk of time in therapy to insure I wouldn't have a complete breakdown if/when he ended up dead.

He has never really gotten around to taking excellent care of himself, but I thought he was getting better.

Not so.

He called on Thursday to tell me that he'd ordered Dilantin and it should be coming Friday. (Long story-he isn't real stable-he lives in a house where the deal seems a little shaky-he doesn't go 'home' for weeks sometimes...so we just have all his important stuff sent here.) Anyway, when he called I asked how many days he had left. He assured me he had enough to get through the weekend. I ask because I have a friend who's a pharmacist who could have given me enough to get him through.

He lied. Turns out he had enough through Friday.

So Monday morning I'm doing someone's hair and his friend from across the hall calls me.

pal: I think he's having a seizure. I thought his place was getting broken into there was so much noise. He is sitting up but there is some blood and he doesn't know who I am.

me: Call 911.

pal: He won't let me.

I knew this already. He is really combative when he comes out of a seizure and hard to deal with but he has a deep seated fear of ambulances because he's hypoglycemic, which presents like a diabetic coma but the first shot of glucagon will kill him. Even out of it, he is scared shit of ambulances.

So I have to listen while his friend cajoles him into his shoes to go to the hospital. I whip through the rest of the haircut and head to Providence.

I got stopped doing an even 100 miles an hour by a Rhode Island State Trooper. I was sobbing so hard he yelled at me to get myself under control. I had the directions in my lap so he knew I wasn't bullshitting....and he let me go. I kept it under 80 after that.

When I got there he was furious I had been called. He was so awful to his friend that his friend just left. He shoved me when I tried to tell the nurse about his seizure groups. He made me cry about 10 times that day--he was so awful to me. I know he can't help it but wow, it cuts deep.

So, he's okay now. He has an appointment at the VA here on Monday. It's 50/50 whether or not he'll show up. I'm at a loss. He won't let me help him with the stupidest things and I know I can't be doing this pregnant. I am high risk and I know from the way I have felt for the last 2 days that this kind of excitement can't be good for me. I have a headache that won't quit and all I can think about is him. I can hardly eat which is not very good for me at this juncture.

*sigh*

I find myself furious with my mother. She did such a shitty job raising us and he has never really recovered from the abuse and neglect. He's dealt with things in a much different manner than I have and his techniques aren't really working for him. There is just plain no talking to him about it. My heart is broken again.

I cannot turn away from him but I cannot continue like this. I feel more stuck and helpless about him than I ever have. I won't be ok if he dies. The last time he had a seizure at my place we took him to Yale. The neurologist there said that he doesn't get to do this a lot more. He said at some point he just won't wake up. He'll be in a vegetative state. I don't want to have to water my brother.

I feel so sad.

quick 2 second update...

I am working at a trade show-The Art Expo- at the Javitts this weekend. Back and forth today but staying overnight tomorrow. I caught a cab after the show today and when I told the guy I was going to Grand Central, he said he wouldn't take me. He was going to go off duty. I know it's cuz it's a short ride. So I had to get out! Assh*le. I hope he got stinky tips all day. I always tip cabbys well so ha! on him.

THEN a really nice Haitian guy picked me up and we spoke french. When I got in he said, "Where can I take the pretty pregnant lady?"

I almost died! Everyone says I don't look pregnant. He said, "Pretty lady, it's in your face." What an angel.

Much to report but it will have to wait until after the weekend....

Sometimes I just love New York.

Uh, I'm drowing in a sea of unread classics and books on social theory. Boring books.

Good news.

I'm done at the scary Yale Genetics center because my last ultrasound was completely normal. The baby really looks like Bear. Weird. But now I just have regular weigh ins with occasion violations. Rah!

Other good news.

My prof said, "No problem" with my submission. I set the curve for my Social and Political Philosophy class with a top scoring 93. Now my whole class officially hates me. I don't care.

My belly is getting huuuuuge. Not sure how I feel about that but I did buy the cutest maternity clothes yesterday. Now I hate me, too.

Where the frig have I been?!

I just finished the midterm for my Political and Social Philosophy course. It was due at 5 pm but I missed that little gem on the paper and sent it with sincere apologies and the protestation of alien abduction at 11:49. I used to stress about stuff like that but for some reason I'm ok. If he refuses to take it, oh well. This being pregnant thing is releasing some mad hormones into my system! I kinda like it....

I'm typing with Jack in my lap. He has his head on the keyboard and my right wrist is cramping up cuz I have it bent funny to accomodate his head. My left foot is also asleep because it is curled under my right leg that he is lying on. I so love my dogs. If someone could remind me how to put pics in I'll post one of them snuggling in the morning. So funny, these dogs.

One quick story about Bear and then I have to noisily jump into bed....

At 4:40 this morning I am awakened by coughing. Lots of coughing. Terribly like what I imagine 'the croup' would sound like coughing.

me: Honey, I have Sucrets in my school bag.

bear: It's not that. I have Frosted Mini Wheat stuck in my throat.

me (screaming like a fishwife): Then get the F*%# out of bed and get something to drink, you giant jerk!!!

The infractions are many. I am having a wicked hard time sleeping. I took Tylenol PM (after a prolonged argument with myself about how the doctor wouldn't lie and a couple of PMs won't result in a stupid stupid child or any major birth defects....) so I could sleep. I fell asleep after 11. When cough-o-rama woke me, I had a scant 5 hours of rest. I could NOT get back to sleep, despite the gentle snoring of Bear and both the stinkin' dogs....

ADDITIONALLY... Frosted Mini Wheats happen to be the only thing I can eat in the morning so I can get out of bed. Bear has turned into SuperPig so I've had to ask him to please not eat my cereal. Mostly because he eats everything and then won't go to the grocery store. So-he inhaled a bowl, or bucket, of my morning life line at such velocity he had pieces stuck in his lungs and he has to come upstairs to cough it out IN BED?!?!

AND....every time I say something crabby to him he blames it on hormones.

AND....because of my hormones as soon as he leaves the house in the morning I start to miss him and cry.

Being pregnant is great.

I hate to jinx it but I feel pretty good again today. It has made the whole mood of the house lighter. Dogs are skippy, husband is chipper. Yippee.

So of course I said that I would help out at a friend's restaurant tonight. AND my friend is stopping by with her twins in an hour. Might as well cram as much in as possible for tomorrow may bring a hormone surge!

The reuben was a bad idea. I had half of it, 6 fries and a strawberry milkshake. I missed my first class last night. My belly could be heard from outside the house! I took a little nap and headed to school for my second class. The fun begins.....

me: Honeybear, I brought the wrong book bag. I have my Monday/Wednesday bag and my homework is in the other one.

bear: Ok, I'll bring it down and call you when I'm outside.

He is a champ! My hero! AND he put little frosted mini-wheats in a snack bag for me. I enjoy class. We have to make Valentine cards (it's an expensive inner-child type thing....). I make a bad discovery and have to call the man back again.

me: Hiiiii! I have good news and funny news for you.

bear: Funny news first.

me: Nope, good news. I made you a Valentine.

bear: Aww. Thanks hun. What's the funny news? (He even sounds a little excited.)

me: The funny news is my car keys are in the book bag you took home with you! Hahahaha. Can you please bring them to me?

bear: You are such a dick.

Yup, Mr Perfect called me a dick of all things. I read that pregnant women have memory lapses. I make lists and piles and STILL forget really important stuff. Hoo boy, this is getting interesting. I think I should stop reading the books so I don't let myself have all these new bad habits!

I did laundry today, cleaned, did some hair color for a pal, vaccuumed, played with the doggers and now I'm off to nap-land. I am so hopeful that I'm around the corner of feeling so wretched and I will finally be able to be clean and have a non smelly house again :)

Yea for me and the baby!

The Bear's back is killing from PT yesterday. The accident hangs on. Allstate Insurance is harrassing me AND sticking me with the car rental. I knew I should have given them a stolen credit card....more about that mess later.

I scrubbed the guest room that I've been convalescing in...it was pretty gross. I polished, moved furniture, picked up all my orange seeds and changed both beds. I am feeling okay today!

Now the man is trying to lure me to the diner for a reuben. The greek diner makes the best reubens EVER and I'm tempted. I still am not gaining weight so I can pretty much eat whatever I feel like cuz I'm nowhere near 2000 calories a day, let alone the recommended 2300. So, I told him we have too much to do but I'm going to change my mind in a minute and go get me a bangin' reuben.

AND....my mother's most recent ex husband, who happens to be my complete favorite and I choose to keep him as my dad, has a date this weekend. He's going to stop by on the way to a wedding in Long Island. His 'friend' (they dated in Europe around 30 years ago!) is meeting him there. I am excited to see him. My mother has the tendency to make things kind of tense and our relationship was always better if she was out with friends. Anyway, I'm glad he found some peace. My mother can make you wish you lived in a cave that was sealed shut....

I'm hanging on in school. I'm a bit behind in my homework and some reading but I'm cruising along. Sometimes my multi-tasking gets the best of me. In one humanities class we're reading Henry V by Shakespeare and it is apparent to all that I really love it. I've been a Bard Buff since high school. So?! Anyway, I had another book open in my lap, not quite paying attention and the prof asked if anyone reads or speaks french. On auto pilot I raise my hand. 'Great! NV can do a reading with me!" Ugh. AND there are a bunch of bitter broads in my class that glare at me cuz I always have the answer. I do wait for others to try......bitches. Anyway, I'm brushing up on my pronunciation so I sound authentic. I need to start paying attention.

So, this is kind of rambling but I don't feel so wretched today. I have to go to the diner now ;)

I have another splitting headache. Pray for me, wouldya?

talk about hypocracy...

Janet has been 'disinvited' to the Grammy's. I saw a piece on Celebrity Justice detailing all the nominees (not just the folks invited, those up for awards) and their present legal troubles. Perhaps most disturbing was R. Kelly getting permission from the judge to attend the ceremony. And Janet's in so much trouble for flashing a little boobie action?! Jeesh.

in better news:

My headache finally broke. It has been with me since Friday, worsening on Saturday and finally lifting this morning. It was one of those where changing the position of my head was actually dangerous. I had the headache for so long that I thought if it was still there this morning, I would go stark raving mad. I'm glad it's gone.

We went to the store, got freaky, made chili and had a nice day together. We should really get to win the lottery. We understand that money doesn't buy happiness but it does buy endless days together, if that's what you're into. And we are. Yum.

I'm a bit behind in school and correspondence. OH! One terribly funny thing to report. My mother, who is driving me crazy and not in the good mother sort of way, has been calling daily with her suggestions for baby names. All of them are incredibly weird and waspy. Hillary, Ygraine and Tana were the latest. She is trying to forget I'm half Mexican and just might choose a name from the other side of the family. She has blocked that fact that she had to have sex with our father to beget us Mexicali kids......but that's a whole other story.

She's been calling every day. When she called on day 2 of the worst headache ever I got fed up.

me: Mom, we're not telling anyone but we've decided on names.

mom: Well, you can tell me. I won't say a word to anyone. (as her nose shoots off her face)

me: Ok, if you promise. For a boy we chose Brandin ( I spell it) and for a girl we chose Tiffany.

mom: Uh, oh, Tiffany?

me: Do you have some sort of problem?

mom: Uh, it's just that every third girl you hear of is named Tiffany.

me: Not really. I have the last 10 years of most popular baby names in the US and Tiffany didn't make the top ten once.

mom: Oh, well.

me: I gotta run. Have a great day.

It's shitty. I have nothing against those names but I know my mother hates them both. It worked. She hasn't called since I told her the names. I feel a little evil but if it will stop the deluge of truly stupid names I can live with it.

Carlie

When they picked up the scumbag that grabbed her and he wouldn't cooperate, I knew it wasn't going to end well. I'm guessing the police were able to search his home, work, etc. and she wasn't found. The news said the guy wasn't cooperating. No shit, huh? Today she was found dead near where she was grabbed. I saw the news footage of her body, wrapped in white and strapped to a gurney, being wheeled out of the woods where she probably died. No doubt, terribly. These things always piss me off but I'm even more sensitive these days.

I feel strongly that we all have a responsibility to 'do' something. How can a tragedy like this be avoided? In Florida it has come to light that the man was brought before a judge for parole violations but the judge didn't send him back to jail. Bad news folks-I used to volunteer at the courthouse and that happens every day. The jails are simply too full. My husband thinks criminals should be forced to generate electricity through manual labor-running on a wheel, rowing, etc. I just don't know what to think.

I wonder how early is too early to teach my child fear.

finally

The results from my amniocentisis came back today. Everything is normal. We are officially having a baby. Wow.

I had to bag on classes tonight because I'm so sick. I can't wait til the hangover feeling lets up because I have 5 classes in which I'm slowly falling behind.

Dawson's Creek today rocked. Jen died, Jack is dating Pacey's brother (who knew?!) and Joey finally got off her hanging out of her pants ass and made a decision. The wrong one, but a decision nevertheless.

My excellent husband just gave me a bath and I'm going to bed. It would be nice to have good dreams for a change. I'm really nervous and tingly and excited.

I wish I could write the noise for taking a 4 month long breath in and letting it out slowly.....

today my head is crowded with weird and random thoughts

Dawson's Creek is finally starting to bug me...
but I have to watch both episodes every day anyway. Who writes that show? Joey is such a disfunctional mess I can't help but wonder why the best boys keep falling in love with her. She is a whiner of epic proportions. She dumps Pacey for bartender boy and then won't go out with bartender boy. Huh? Every time I have the smallest hope for that girl, she so screws things up with over analysis and a total lack of sex. Whatever. And Jen-don't get me started. I repeat, Audrey is the only real woman on the show. Again, the only one I don't want to punch.

I am being tortured by the worst dreams
Dreams of abduction, abuse, death. Even my dogs are sometimes tortured in my dreams. It can't be what I'm eating.....

Although I am no creature of habit, evidently my digestional tract is.
STILL having problems with my belly. As if there isn't enough going on down there....

Who believes Janet didn't know her boobie was going to pop out?!
Because you're a dumbass. A big one. She was wearing nipple adornment. It's like wearing your pink mesh thong on a date and insisting to yourself you're not gonna go for the gusto. C'MON! And speaking of that adornment...what the hell was that thing? A Chinese throwing star? A tiny cock ring from her brother's secret collection? That would explain all the high pitched 'Oo' and 'Ahh's......

It was planned. The 'damage control' people need some new blood. I can't recall the last spin I heard that explained anything. Are these peeps falling down on the job or what? You know when a public figure f's up in a major way, their people call in 'people' to put the old spin on. But seriously, when was the last time you said, "Oh, ok. That explains it."? (yikes, that last ending must be some sort of MLA nightmare....) Consider:

CLINTON: I did not have sexual relations with that woman.
*that doozy got him impeached. He might have tried, "This is an issue to be discussed with my wife. It has no place in the media." Huh? Works, right?!

PETE ROSE: Yes, I have bet on baseball.
*and now you'll never see the inside of the Hall of Fame without a ticket. Dummy. Here is a clear cut example of when to frigging lie! If there was proof, you would know. There was no tangible evidence so lie. Dummy.

MICHAEL JACKSON: Of course I will continue to sleep with children in my bed.
*Hello! At what point of no return are his people looking for? Someone needs to tie that idiot's mouth shut AND put him in jail. Talk about no remorse. Jeez.

and finally

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE: I apologize for the wardrobe malfunction.
*Okaaaay. How about, "I seen Janet's titties and I thunk y'all would like to, too." Honest, very MTV, and probably the truth. Malfunction. What the hell does that mean? And WHY ON EARTH WERE HER NIPS ALL TRICKED OUT IF NO ONE WAS GOING TO SEE THEM?

Gimme a break.

Wow, I have gone on and on. Sorry for the lengthy diatribe, but I did warn you about the randomness......

I just bought maternity clothes off Ebay. I bought:
red cargo no panel pants
orange cargo no panel pants (sure hope I like them!)
denim cargo pants and
a white smocky top that looks bohemian cool

AND I just realized that I bought 3 pair of cargo pants. Now my wardrobe will be all sweats and cargos. Yeah :)

The good thing about yesterday.... we got to look at the baby again. Long legs and wiggly fingers. *sigh*

no news is no news

I called Yale to see if the results of the amnio are back yet. The genetic counselor said to start calling after one week. More precisely, she said I could start calling after a week. The test, according to her, takes 7-10 days. So I called. Pins and needles. Actually, more like hanging from giant fish hooks above a tank of snapping alligators....
Turns out it will be at least 2 weeks so I have another week of waiting. In the meanwhile...

Yesterday I broke down and called the ER. I had woken up Saturday and Sunday with the worst stomach aches imaginable. Under my ribs, across the top of my abdomen and the left side of my uterus all felt hard. Scary. So I called. One of the OB docs who covers for my practice was on duty. She said to meet her at her office at 7am if I felt I could wait. I woke Bear up at 6am (I'd been up since 3) crying and doubled over in pain. He was a bit freaked but got right out of bed to help me get dressed. A true rock star.

Turns out-I have gastro-intestinal distress from prenatal vitamins coupled with hating the taste of water and not pooping so often. Basically, I'm full of shit. Nice, huh? So I got a bunch of different pills and my stomach feels better today. Good thing because I have class tonight! *wowza am I ever stupid busy*

Bear continues to be a rockstar. I love him more all the time. Today is our anniversary. If I can muster the strength, I may venture out for a card. I suck. Well, if I was up to it, that would make a nice little present......

I keep having these crazy bad dreams. I'll look forward to *that* phase passing. Enough said.

So, have a great day. Thanks for stopping by. I'm going to read for a while......

bad dogs

My friends did stop by today. They were on the way to NYC and stopped here for a spot of lunch, a kinda clean bathroom, and to say Happy Old Ass Pregnant Lady Day.

I put out a nice spread; italian coldcuts from the ever bangin' Liuzzi's, an olive assortment, mozzarella and tomato salad, cheese tortelini in pesto, crusty bread, dried apricots and 5 canolis. Yum. Well, we decided that everyone should have haircuts as long as I was feeling good and I have the salon set-up in the basement. On the way downstairs someone closed the door. And locked the dogs out.

They didn't whine and scratch and try to squeeze each other under the door like they usually do. They were quiet. They had a little lunch.

The broke a plate and ate; italian coldcuts, mozzarella, pesto tortelini, crusty bread, dried apricots, all 5 canolis and they picked the kalamata olives out of the mix and ate them. There were 2 giant green olives lightly chewed and discarded. They are in agreement on green olives.

They are farting like Old Milwaukee swilling truck drivers. They were very pleased with their resourcefulness. They were grounded for a 45 minute down/stay and I pet no one for at least an hour. They are still a little smirky. Bad dogs.

Yeah, so, today's my birthday. I'm 39 freaking years old. I look pretty much the same as I did in high school, which made it easier to get into bars back in the day....

I'm okay with it. Bear surprised me by placing my very own pair of sand classic ultra Uggs on my tootsies at 5 am. He rocks. I have had them on all day.

I had a regular doc appointment today. I called at 9:30 cuz I couldn't remember what time my appointment was: 11am or 3pm. Turns out it was 9:45. I was wearing nothing but pink panties, ponytails and my new Uggs when I called.... I threw on a sweatsuit** and headed down the hill. I continue to amaze myself at how bad I look and still go out in public. I've finally gained one pound and I heard the heartbeat all whooshy through a Doppler thingie. Not just for falsely forecasting the weather :) Also for listening to heartbeats, it turns out. So, I just hope the test results come back okay next week. Fingers crossed.

I did float the idea of a voluntary C-section with the doc today. Not so receptive.

doc: Well, we need some kind of a reason to do a Cesarian.
me: (pregnant pause-ahaha) Um, I'm guessing you mean a medical reason?
doc: Uh, yeah, medical. Something beside "I'm really scared to deliver a baby."

I guess I'll have to think up something better. On a weird note, my placenta is on the side of my uterus right now. The peeps at Yale said that's ok, when the baby gets bigger it will either be pushed up or down. If it goes down, I get, um, have to have a Cesarian. Something to think about. Or jump rope thinking about (wink, wink) .....

I have another screaming hormone headache. My best friend from forever is 10 days less pregnant than I and she called today to ask if we're insane having children at this age. I think it's a trick question.


** I officially can't wear my pants if I want to button them so I am constantly in sweatsuits. All of my sweats just happen to be velvet. All I am missing is gold keds and I could so blend at a shuffleboard tournament. All velvet-ed out, roots in need of color, little pot belly....

I'm going to be a millionaire!!

The lady with all her money tied up is going to let me help her! Should I start shopping for a place at the shore now???

Dear Nita,

Thank you for your response to my mail, and may God bless you.

I do not have a cashier's cheque to send to you, the money is in liquide cash, and presently in the custody of a diplomatic courier company in Europe, of which my attorney has the entire details, and would be working in our interest.

I would send his details to you, as soon as I confirm that you are ready to help us, knowing that the funds are in liquide cash.

I await your reply.

SUSAN

I am in the home stretch for getting that sheepskin that says I can be the boss of something. HOWEVER.... I still can't program the VCR. I know it sounds lame, but I have just never invested the time and now I've thrown out all the directions and TIVO isn't working so.....all I wanted was to watch Law & Order. For a nice change I slept for a decent amount of time last night. So...I ran downstairs and at 5 before the hour, hit 'record.' Satisfied that all was in working order, I headed to bed.

I recorded Celebrity Mole by mistake. I still don't understand it. I can tell you I refuse to watch it. I have my own silly life filled with borderline celebrities and they all manage to lead somewhat self-respecting lives. Jeesh.

On another note, Dawson's Creek is starting to aggravate me. That Joey Potter is an idiot. She falls in love with guys and then secretly assigns them behavioral patterns that are unattainable to normal humans. I like Audrey, the pill-pooping, casual-sex-having freak. At least I don't want to punch her.

So, today I got Bear* to drive me to school again so I wouldn't have to find a place to park and walk in the snow. Today we have no classes. I forgot to check the Campus Cruiser. Whoopsie.

I think my pregnancy is turning me into white trash. All I did today was watch TV for hours, eat Twinkies, Eggos and Fresca. That's all folks.

*To clear up 'Bear'.....

Our friend Michael has the nickname of 'Mighty'. When I met my husband I called him 'Bean' for some unknown reason. He is tall and thin and he was like my best friend from the moment I met him. So, 'old bean' kinda thing. SO... he was mentioning one day that 'Mighty' has a cool nickname and his is 'Bean' and he wasn't so sure he liked it.

me: Well, I also call you 'honeybear', how's that?
him: Really masculine. Thanks hun.

So it just kind of evolved into 'Bear' which completely suits him. He's a large guy, just the right amount of chest hair, broad shoulders and he gives hugs like nobody on this planet.

Gag away....

I grew up in a small, snowy Vermont town. I can clearly remember listening to the radio for cancellations. All the schools for hundreds of miles around us would be closed for the day and we would still have school. It was like that Simpsons episode.

Well, my sister-in-law just called and her college as well as her husband's college are both closed due to the impending storm. I am heading into the shower so I can go to my class because my school is open. It is a Jesuit college so perhaps they are the ones keeping the snow at bay until 10 pm...... in any event, I'm having flashbacks to bigtime early morning disappointments.

Guarded Good News!

I went to sleep at around 2:30 this morning. I woke up at 6 am. I was not so relaxed.

I got to Yale at 8:15 sharp as requested. I was told the genetic counselor doesn't get in til 8:30. I wondered if they give themselves wiggle room for people who are late. I'm rarely late. I hate late. My husband is always late but that is a whole other issue....

The good news is that according to the measurements, Cleatus the Fetus is looking mighty fine. They measure things like kidney size (normal), head size (not at all melon like), limb length and how long the fingers look. Truly wild being able to see all that is going on inside my tummy while I travel the countryside, watch TV, read and go to school. But-everything looks normal. As in, as normal as possible when you consider the parents...

I know our child will naturally challenge authority. Will be completely unable to be a part of the status quo. Will have a touch of ADD. I'm just hoping it will be all these things without a helmut on.

My mother-in-law came to the appointment with me. She cried when she saw the baby. It was pretty neat. I'm thinking of selling tickets to my next ultra-sound!

SO thanks for the positive vibes, good thoughts and karma shooters that came my way this week. I'll get the results in 7-10 days but I feel confident in that all is well in the belly.

Thank you.

I had been reading a blog that shall remain nameless. A woman and her husband in a rather amusing 'he said, she said' type of thing. Well, her husband and I guess a friend got completely hostile on my ass for making comments and reading the blog. I was called a 'geeky blog reader', as well as fuckface and other grown up names.

My question is: why is it public if it's such an inside joke kind of place? I feel like I stumbled into a room of complete jerks that try to hurt people's feelings for fun. What's the point?!

So, stand forewarned. You are welcomed here. Your comments are welcomed. Try not to be a dick, unless it's out of your control. In that case, try not to be a dick to other people who stop by here. It's not that kind of place.

In other, more interesting news....

I just read "Gates of Fire" for my humanities class. Rocked the planet. Loved it. Highly recommend it. Now Bear is reading it and asking just about every page for a pronunciation. He's so cute.



Amnio tomorrow, first thing. I guess that means I'll have to shower. I'm going to insist the attending does it, not some punk intern. I really have nothing against punk interns, or non-punk interns for that matter, but if someone is going to stick a needle into the sack surrounding our progeny, I'd like that person to be an old hand. I plan to insist, reschedule if necessary, and I'll let you know how my morning being a bitch goes.

Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

So it would appear that the assload of classes I've signed up for will keep my mind off everything for the next 2 months. I have to read 4 books by Tuesday. Wowza. AND I'm going to a wedding this weekend so I'll be wasting 8 hours driving. Should be interesting.....

My 'Creative Mind' prof is right out of his tree. He is trying to jolt our creative juices by mixing up our routines. For homework this week we have to:

A. take a different route home
B. sit in a different chair than usual at the dinner table
C. enter the house through a different door
D. look different ways at stop signs

I have issues.

A. I have such an unbelievably horrid sense of direction that I often take different routes. Everywhere. My favorite state to live in was Rhode Island because it is 45 minutes across at any given point. I could tell when I was really lost when I saw the "Now Entering (CT.MA. and whatever else borders RI)..." signs. It was great!
B. Hello. I haven't eaten a regular meal since Thanksgiving. For 2 months I didn't/couldn't get out of bed to eat. How's that for a different chair?
C. I usually use any old door. I am the only Mexican in a ritzy, doctor/lawyer rotten neighborhood. If I come in a window, there's gonna be shootin' in the old 'burbs tonight. I see the suspicious looks. Mamacita didn't raise no fool.
D. Um, I look left first cuz that is going to be the first direction from which I will be hit. If I edge out, looking right, I'm a goner.

I'm doomed. I'm very creative but I'm a bit of a control freak, as well. He wants us to make freaking VALENTINE cards in February. I'm sure mine will be the neatest and I'll fail for that. I'm already thinking of making them penis shaped. If you want me to send you one, e me your address.

*sigh*

1 in 14

Not even sure how to approach this.....

Due to my 'advanced maternal age' I have to have a lot of testing. I had the sonogram which looked great. At the same time they took some blood to test for a few other things.

I came back with a 1 in 5536 chance of a Trisomy 18 baby. That is what my cousin's baby died from in December.

I came back with a 1 in 14 chance of a Down's Syndrome baby. That means there is a 93% chance that everything is ok. All I can think is 1 in 14 doesn't really equate with 93% in my brain. Bear is frustrated that I'm looking at the negative but I'm all kinds of freaked out. No sleep. High anxiety. Started my 5 class accelerated semester last night. Hoo boy.

Amniocentisis on Monday. A needle stuck into my belly, into the circle that houses the baby, into my core for a sample. Then only 7-10 for test results. I'm staying away from bridges.....

Bush is on.

Have you ever noticed all his speeches have the same cadence?
blah blah blah blah
pause
blah blah blah blah
pause
blah blah blah blah blah blah
pause
blah blah blah
next phrase.

It would appear he has some sort of learning disability. Of course, that may seem obvious.

I'm a Dean person. I'm from Vermont and I know him to be a good, fair man who honestly seeks solutions. That said -- he needs some good suits, some moisturizer and a good night's sleep. He is a little 'jazzed' these days. Looking forward to New Hampster....

Oh, something to do with my pregnancy?! Just got up from a 3 hour nap with the usual symptoms: super hot face, super hot body, super cold nose and a hormone headache that welcomes my every post nap hour. Nice, huh?

I am able to get up and around more though. I do feel better. Well enough to realize the toll that 3 months of lying around has taken on my body. When I come from the basement to the top floor, I'm winded. Verrrrry unusual for me. In a few days I'm going to get back on my spin cycle and start walking outside. I don't want to be unrecognizable when I finally have the baby.

OOO! We're planning a baby shower/graduation keg party in late May. Wanna come?!

I have arrived....

From: Mrs. Susan Shabangu.

Compliment of the season.

With warm heart I offer my friendship, and greetings,
and I hope this mail meets you in good time. However
strange or surprising this contact might seem to you
as we have not met personally or had any dealings in
the past, I humbly ask that you take due consideration
of its importance and the immense benefit it will be
to you.

After careful consideration with my children, we
resolved to contact you for your most needed assistance in this manner.
I
duly apologize for infringing on your privacy, if this contact is not
acceptable to you, as I make this proposal to you as a
person of integrity.


First and foremost I wish to introduce myself properly
to you. My name is Mrs. Susan Shabangu, mother of
three and the Deputy Minister of Minerals and Energy
of The Republic of South Africa for seven years


I will now give you a general overview of the
situation. When I was sworn in as Deputy Minister of
Minerals and Energy in 1996, with my influence,
my husband Mr. Ndelebe Simon Shabangu a very successful businessman was
awarded several contracts in my ministry and had direct dealings with
foreign
investors in this field. Due to my political status, I was not involved
in
my husbands business which was very vast and successful. My beloved
husband died whilst on an official trip to Trinidad and Tobago
in February 2001.

YOU CAN GO THROUGH MY WEB SITE BELOW:

http://www.gov.za/gol/gcis_profile.jsp?id=1066

When my husband died, I was contacted as next of
kin by a private security firm in Europe to come forth
with the Certificate of Deposit and claim a safety
deposit my husband has in their Vault in his name. At
that time, my children and I did not have an idea
where the Certificate might be. We then instructed the
security firm to continue holding the safety deposit
until further instructions from me. Whilst preparing
for the second remembrance of my beloved husband, I
was going through his library collection and to my
astonishment I discovered a Certificate of Deposit for the safety
deposit
with this private security firm, and other documents relating to the
safety deposit in a book. The safety deposit which is a trunk, is
stocked
with hard currency (US Dollars) totalling $20,000,000:00 which was
generated from cash payments from his business associates in the
diamond
trade from Antwerp, Belgium.


Though I knew my late husband was in the diamond
business, I did not have the knowledge that he moved
funds in cash. This has came as a shock to me and my
children, and we have decided to have this fund
invested immediately in commercial and residential
properties abroad as well as profitable ventures, as
any member of my family cannot hold such a huge amount in our name due
to
my political status,
hence we sincerely propose to you to render us your
most needed assistance in this regard.


If you agree to render us your assistance, your role
in this project will be to act on my behalf as a
trustee to receive the safety deposit containing the
funds from the Security firm. Though I believe this
transaction should be based on mutuality, my family's
interest will be protected by a family associate, who
is a lawyer(attorney) attached to the South African
Embassy in Ghana, where the funds were originally
deposited, before it was moved to Europe, where the
security firm is located. He is now aware of the
safety deposit, and I have informed him that I am
locating one of my husband's business associates (you) to handle the
funds
and invest on our behalf, as he might be opposed to our decision if he
found out that I barely know you.


For your reliable assistance, we are offering you 20%
of the funds. I thank you in advance as we anticipate
your assistance in enabling us achieve this goal. On
hearing from you, I will forward your contact to the
gentleman lawyer who will be representing us, and also give you his
contact for both of you to communicate and proceed with the
transaction.

He will be working with you for a mutual conclusion of
the process and I look forward to a long lasting business relationship
with you. As you may nderstand,
due to my sensitive position in the present government, it is not safe
to
communicate with me via phone or fax.


This is why I have communicated with you with my
private email address, and I like us to keep this way,
for the safety of this transaction.

whether or not you are interested in assisting us
please let us know.This will enable us make alternative plans, in the
event of non-interest on your part.

With warm regards,
Mrs. S. Shabangu.

So, what do you think? Should I help her out and make millions for myself?!?!

News of the weird, but only applicable if you know me :)

A long time friend of mine had/has some issues. She was in rough shape (depressed, suicidal, despondent, broke...) so we let her come live with us. We bent over backwards to make her feel welcomed. The whole thing blew up and daddy bailed her out of another bad situation. I am tempted to go into the gory details but she's a Senator's daughter and I don't feel like getting audited for the next 10 years. She's a lunatic-certifiable. She borrowed thousands of dollars, I paid for her shrinks and medications, her food, and she ruined every dinner party I threw while she was in the house. My mother-in-law vouched for her so she could get an apartment. She left it in one month and had the cajones to ask for her deposit back! In short, it was nice to see her sizable ass move out of our lives. Waaaay too much drama and it was constant.

So-she left in a snit just about 2 years ago. Her parents, the Senator who has lost my vote and his wife of many faces, had called daily to say how wonderful we were for taking care of her and how thankful they were that she had friends like us......they went from lovely to ice age. That is fine with me because I'd rather find out that people are sleazy, even if it's way into a relationship. At least we know now....

WELL, I just heard she's pregnant. It is my friend's understanding that she's also married. She absolutely insisted she could only be attracted to black men although her first husband was whiter than white. She's funny like that - I believe it's called hypocritical-i'll-do-anything-to-make-my-parents-uncomfortable. The kicker is that she's due in July. So am I. So is my best friend Anna. Funny world, eh? We all feel concern for the child and just hope for the best. You should throw a prayer her way if you can.

*sigh*
I'm still feeling all sketchy about Bear's accident. Today he is feeling worse-along with his arm, shoulder and back, his hip is in full on pain with shooting pains down the leg. He came home early from work and won't be going in tomorrow. He's laid out on muscle relaxers. We are going to our internist to talk about PT or whatever will make my baby feel better.
*sigh*

I cut and colored the hair of one of my last semester's profs. She said she's never had a better cut or a better color. Sometimes I think I should have stayed doing hair. I liked it, still like it. The hours were killer. That, and it really bothered me that strangers thought I must be some kind of moron when I told them I did hair so they would invariably slow down and loud up their voices.

"HOOOW NIIICE. DID YOU GOOOO TO SCHOOOOL FOR THAT?"

"No, I went to school for Literature but I was surrounded by clueless affected weenies and decided beauty school would have better drugs." Straight face, as always.

Now I'm finally in the home stretch of my 21 year degree plan and I can't figure out what I want to be when I grow up. We both agree that staying home is best for us and how we'd like to raise a child. I just wonder if I'll be entering the job market too 'late.' Right now my resume looks like The Pretender. I've done a bit of everything. I mean everything. Insurance sales, restaurant worker/manager, business owner, morning show DJ, print sales, executive assistant, personal assistant (you get someone to boss around, too), fundraiser, marketing, billboard model (!), and these are just a few things I've done!! It really is a moot point seeing as I have no idea what I want to be doing anyway. I love being home, a full time student, a good wife. Today I really like growing a healthy baby :) And loving my husband and dogs. Yeah, all things considered I really love my life, with or without a title or doorplate.

Yesterday Bear got rear-ended on the way home. He called and said, "I'll be a little late." "Ok, what's up?" "Well," he said, " I just got smashed into the median by some kid going about 50 miles an hour."

I freaked. I grabbed 2 muscle relaxers, 2 naproxin, a bottle of water, my phone and ran out of the house to go pick him up. I was so locked down that I didn't cry until late last night, after he'd gone to sleep. There is a, I want to say 'burden' or 'responsibility' but neither is right... there is a certain vulnerability that comes with loving someone with all your guts and heart and soul. I've survived some serious shit (including but not limited to attempted kidnapping and being held at gunpoint by a bunch of hopped up dealer friends of my ex...) but I can't even imagine what would happen to me if I lost him. Nope, can't even really form a thought around it. So I won't.

The back of his seat broke from the impact. He's sore, as can be expected, and the doctor has sent him for x-rays. Probably the normal healing with rear-end collisions but he's in bed now on a heating pad and didn't give me one OUNCE of trouble when I said he should get PT. Unusual for the boy...

So all is well and I don't ever want him to leave the house again. Aside from the addition to my irrational fears, we're fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.

My mother is divorced -- again. I told her months ago to figure out the insurance situation because she was on my step-dad's hospital benefits and she takes a Skittles bowl of meds every day. The divorce was final on Thursday and now she's looking into insurance. *sigh* It is hard not to worry even though it's inappropriate, even though she's a nightmare, even though she never listens but always says 'I know', even though. Still.

My doggers were so cute today. Jack was in Bear's lap while he was on his computer. Ours are side by side, about 5 feet apart so we can look at each other's stuff and just be together. Aww. Anyway, Jack is 20 pounds but Hobbes, the 68 pounder, decided he needed a lap to sit on. He put his cement block head in my lap, then one front leg, then the other. Then he stretched out his front across my lap and started wheeling with his back leg. He ended up with his back feet clutching my folded up leg and his front legs hanging over the right side of my lap, his elbows all dug in, and he was as happy as can be. He licked my keyboard, checked out my desk, and then tried to get some sleep. He is a nut.

Today I really love and appreciate my boys. All three.

Is it possible I'm such a slacker? I guess so.

Much news.

Friday we went to have the techie ultrasound done at Yale. The technician was so fabulous it was unbelievable. Bear took the day off from work and now we're both glad. We saw the baby tumbling around, shaking its ass, kicking its legs, drinking, peeing, sucking its thumb, waving its hands and generally moving all over the place to avoid being captured on film. There are my genes at work! Bear and I were just staring at the overhead monitor, speechless. Utterly speechless.

Then she explained what they were looking for and measuring. There is a sack of fluid and if it's too big, it is a sign of chromosomal abnormalities. Our baby's neck is as slender and sack free as its father. Bear has the neck of a swan-about a mile long. Blissfully.

So, I finally feel comfortable being pregnant. I no longer worry that my body is cooking up some horrible payback for having thwarted the reproductive process in the past. I have been scared and anxious for just over 2 months and it has ben exhausting. Everyone I told (with the exception of YOU!) that I am pregnant I wondered if I'd have to untell them in person or would a tearstained phonecall suffice?

I'm a worrier. I grew up receiving the worst of all outcomes but managing to stay on my feet. I had a horrifying childhood and all the 'fun' I had in my 20's trying to kill myself with insane choices is a blur that I'm unsure how I survived. No substance problems. No depression. No quirky need to harm myself or others. I came out of the war ok.

And I'm going to be a fantastic mother. There.

Well....I'm almost home but not quite. It is going to be 27 degrees below zero tonight so I'm battening down the hatches and hoping my car starts tomorrow so I can head HOME! I miss Bear and the boys so much. I cried when he left this weekend. Big baby, I am.

I'll be less of a slacker when I'm back in the land of the technologically gifted :)

Updates:
I was 13 weeks yesterday. I'm having some super screen done on Thursday where they measure the neck fold of the fetus and some other measurements to assign a risk number. I'm hoping for a lack of a number... still nervous but trying not to be. The further along I get the better my chances are, I guess. We'll see. In the meanwhile, surround me and the peanut with white light that all is well.

This is Bear, reporting for the wife who is on the phone, right now as a matter of fact, apparently forgetting that in addition to the fact that I can do only one thing at any one time, I need all four fingers and both eyes trained on the keyboard to type. Not that I can't type pretty damn fast, mind you. Four fingers are all ya need when you're superhuman, like me. But, please: only one thing at a time. My ADD is for real. Not kidding.

But I digress...

She wants me to tell you that she has been wanting to post on this blog but has been really busy up in northern Vermont house-sitting for some dear friends. Plus up there there's nothing but dial-up, and methinks she hast bin spoil'd. So I'm posting for her. We're tight like that.

She's house-sitting and kid-sitting, actually. Not little kids that need to be watched because they might chew on the lamp cord and things of that nature. We're talking bigger kids, of the hide-the-car-keys and stash-the-percocet age group. Two boys, really good kids, if you ask me. The older one reminds me of me when I was his age, and it appears that he is choosing to do some of the same idiotic things that I did. I tried to explain this to him once, but then I imagined being 18 and here's some 36 year-old guy telling me how to "make the right decisions" and shit like that. Yah, right! So, he's going to do what he's going to do, as they say.

Again, I digress...

So the wife says, "I am still tired and my boobs still hurt..." And some other things - I don't remember. She says that I don't pay attention to her, or something like that...

But allow me this opportunity to tell everyone out there how madly in love I am with my wife. She is the funniest person I know. She has a smile that makes me smile, even if she's smiling because I fell down the stairs (only happened once). She is absolutely beautiful, and I thought so from the first time I saw her. She is a great dancer - I know this because I am, too (big lie). She writes poems for special events, then gets up in front of EVERYONE and reads them. Sometimes they don't even rhyme, but then she tells me all about iambic pentameter, or some sort of something or another, and I feel educated. She moved to my state (from VT, her home state) in the summer of 2000. I've been here since 1970. You would think that with a thirty year head start I would have more friends than her. Ummmm, you'd be wrong! She even has the meat guy at Stop & Shop grinding sirloin (not that *gasp* cheap meat) for our dogs, and then he slaps a "manager's special" (reduced price) sticker on it! I don't think she even asks - he sees her coming and wonders how he can outdo himself this time. She bought a car from this guy down the street - he's a fireman, and I think he just retired, so he's doing the car business full-time now. Anyhow, whenever she pops in, they all come running over to HUG her! EVERY TIME! Even when she's complaining that the damn alarm won't SHUT THE FUCK OFF!!! Just amazing...

So, these are but a few of the things that are special about my wife, our child's mother, that make her the best thing, ever, that has happened to me. Of course, there is much, much more, but I can't give it ALL away. Some things are just for me...

Ta.

Yeah, so, we miscalculated. I'm going to be 12 weeks pregnant on Monday! Yippee! We had the ultrasound, Bear and I cried. It has a really big head. More tests over the next couple of weeks and then it's a straight shot!

Off to bed although, supposedly, I'll be feeling a bit more spry soon.....

Not that I want to turn this into some kind of Dawson's Creek Forum but.... as near as I can figure:

these episodes are close to the end

Joey is in college and has figured out she loves Dawson

Dawson has always loved her but is treating her like a friend?

Joey should totally be sleeping with her hot english prof by now so this isn't your average show

Pacey is a mad dumb drunk who will end up in Tahiti in the same shape as Gauguin

Dawson has money or he'd care more about getting fired from his very first dream job

The gay guy so isn't gay

It is bizarre that the blond curly haired girl had her 'Grams' move to Beantown with her?!

Dawson's parents were divorced and now they're remarried with a new baby

Joey was pregnant?? or thought she was but it was one of those days when I, myself, was drifting in and out of pregnancy sleep...

The only poor person in Capeside is the Valentino guy who is hothothot so who cares if he's broke?

Yeah, looking back on those scraps it would appear that the show will start bugging me soon. I did notice how they changed the hair on the boys to represent the changeover into college. hahaha. That Caesar on the gay guy is too funny. Puhleeeeze.

I can only blame pregnancy hormones and my habit of waking around 10:30 on the whole Dawson's Creek-o-mania. I'm sure it will pass.

OH! I threw up today for the very first time. It may have been precipitated by the fact that Hobbes, the 40 watt pitmix, pooped in the dining room today. I got about 5 feet away with a tissue and had to race to the bathroom to unload breakfast at full steam. For a long time...

We went out to a romantic dinner tonight for NYE. No booze. Rather strange. Usually we stay home and drink a bottle of Veuve Cliquot and have caviar on toast points. Just the two of us and the doggers (who happen to love caviar - pigdogs). This year, caviar and champagne are a no-go so we went out instead. I wore fishnets, impossibly high heels that won't fit in 8 months and a sassy black dress. We had much fun.

And how was your holiday?