over the hill and through the woods...

I know it'll be fine at the new doctor's. I'm sure the pronation and ankle angles and flat footedness is no big deal to anyone. But me. I know this is all part and parcel of a very manageable situation.

So why am I in tears?

Off to Children's Hospital - bound to lift my spirits.


Suddenly, my little dog Jack can't bear to be separated from me. He's all jiggly and whiny when I return from a short time away. He follows me from room to room and has the obvious need to be in my lap whenever I'm sitting. If I leave my desk, as I just did, for a cup of coffee he leaps off his chair and quickly and closely follows me to the kitchen and back.

me: Bear, Jack is acting strange lately, don't you think?

bear: I know it. When you were outside with Rio he was all 'Yeee, yeee, heee, wooo, arrrr, yiiii'.

me: I hope he's okay.

bear: He's fine. Just went to the vet. Maybe he knows something, like, you know how dogs have a weird sense about things? Maybe you're gonna die or something....

It's so great to have him around to ease my mind.


So, we go get Lewis at school. He's flying back to DC on Thursday so he'll be here doing laundry, stripping wallpaper, you know, he's my handmaiden for a couple days... Rio is down for her nap and I stay upstairs.

Jack, sensing some impending doom, whines at the bottom of the stairs so he can come up. Of course I capitulate and hope he's not in a barkariffic mood so the babe can get a full nap.

So, no barking but he's *under* a little bench, digging and whining and I think he might be the one losing his mind first. Not like it's a race or anything, but still.

I'm nervous.


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the wedding, part one

Very quickly because I have to go to the store while the nugget rests her precious little head. I just made bangin' spaghetti sauce and meatballs so I'm going to get some good bread and we're out of a zillion things, too.

The wedding was....okay. We were the absolute last people in and I hate to be late so there was that. I saw Eddie standing outside the room for the ceremony so I got a chance to say 'hi' and 'congratulations' and he said 'you look wonderful' and 'it's so great you came' and then, the ceremony.

We were seated on the outskirts with people from work and a girl and her husband who were friends with his last serious girlfriend who probably actually blew vessels in both her eyes when she heard he was getting married because she realllllllly wanted to be Mrs. Eddie.

And then Bear actually shh-ed me because I was cracking jokes that he thought were inappropriate while Eddie's father was giving his speech which he was only doing because snipers were posted in the overhang because his dad is completely disapproving of this union and has said so!

So, I got shh-ed and ignored and I didn't feel so welcome. I wish I'd thought about that before I tortured myself with false eyelashes, but I'm an optimist. Optimistic that people who share deep feelings can translate that into care and respect for a lifetime. I've always felt that for the special people in my life; but I suspect I'm alone in that.

Maybe this isn't part one. Maybe this is all the thought it deserves. I realized that I don't know anything about him anymore and that space he lived in when we were close is gone. He's so different; playing a new role that has no walk-on parts for the past. Besides his family and best friend, I didn't know a soul. No reminders of who he once was, nothing. Strange.

Well, if Bear ever gets married again, there is no way I'm going.

I'm kind of scared...

Uh, I'm sitting at my computer waiting for Rio to wake up and I see a flash outside. Then a HUGE CRASH OF THUNDER sounds twice. The weird thing is that it is snowing like a mofo outside right now. Sideways. White-out. And thunder?!

Is the sky broken? Is this okay? Is this even possible? Am I awake?!

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.....

I don't know if any of you remember that I got a John Deere tractor for Mother's Day. Might be that 'mother' is only half a word.....but anyway. Evidently, for Christmas I got some parts to go with my beautiful tractor.

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Here is Bear putting on the chains and hooking up the gears and levers and other thingies. My car is in the driveway, getting snowed on. His is, too.

And it really did snow. Quite a bit! Here is a picture that Bear ran out in his bathrobe to snap.

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Yes, that is a cowboy hat. No, my ears are not warm - but don't I look cool?!

*Bear came home for lunch so he could snowblow the driveway. We really need to see about getting a life....

I want to be in the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program

Because I can't handle the holidays. I'm fine, but I become consumed thinking about those that aren't.

I do have a happy note here. I found a new vet. Boobah's mom recommended someone. When I say that meeting her at Baby Yoga has been a lifesaver, I'm not kidding.

So we went to the new vet. First with Jack. To test the waters. I was comfortable and everything went well. Then I brought Hobbes. The last vet recommended giving him a 'goodnight Irene' cocktail. I declined. And brought him to a fancy-shmancy dog behaviourist. So he's on Prozac. And he's much, much better.

I told the new vet every stinking detail so she could best decide how to deal with him. She was gentle, not at all squeaky, and she gave him a shot and emptied his anal glands. Sorry folks, but I have the most ass-squirtinest dog in the Northern Hemisphere. So, she was great and he was great and I was extraordinarily grateful. She liked Hobbes quite well, as did the office staff. "Beautiful" and "Sweet" and "So well behaved under stressful circumstances" were all accolades thrown about. *whew*

I love those dogs like they are my children. Because they are. I've been to hell and back with Hobbes AND Jack and hell isn't half so bad as having someone besmirch your dog. I love them and we're all safe and sound and that's that.

Ok. Me and Rio just took a bubble bath and it was as much fun as you'd think. She's growing and talking in select company and walking and learning more signs and practicing more words (but only in her crib because she doesn't know I have her bugged! and I hear "Where's my daddy?" and "Hi Mommy!" and I don't let on...) and all is well in our little corner of this vast, sometimes cruel, often surprisingly wonderful Universe.

AND! I've decided on a wedding gift. Fun martini glasses and a note saying we helped to make the holidays happy for someone without their good fortune. A glass to raise a toast to happiness and health and good fortune.

Hey. It's the secondish wedding for both and I'm fully intending to put a smile on the face of a kid I don't know over this consumer frenzy known as "The Holiday Season".


outta curiosity....

We'll be attending the marriage of a dear friend of mine, charming lad, friend from childhood, we go way back, he was my first love, on Saturday.

I can't exactly give him "Hope this marriage works out better than the last one" t-shirts and Bear has charged me with finding/buying/wrapping the gift.

How much would you spend? I've never been one to shop off a registry - should I start now? I'm terribly interested in your thoughts....and yes, Bear has reached actual rockstar rating for saying 'I'd love to attend that wedding with you!'. I don't have to shop for *his* present, if ya feel me....

the fun never stops

Miss Rio loves her some raisins. Magnificent organic raisins that she shoves into her mouth in great quantity and immediately asks for more of the plump goodness. Occasionally, she'll pick one off a fistful and share with a nearby pooch. But she sure does love her raisins.

So imagine my surprise at a diaper that looks to be full of grapes. Perhaps if she chewed them, they wouldn't sail wholesale through her intestines, grabbing moisture and rehydrating and I wouldn't live in fear of diaper changes. Did I sign up for this? I don't remember signing up for this.


On another note, for I don't want to leave you with that image clouding your day....She has learned the signs for 'clean-up' and 'airplane'. She is still doing that bonking of fists and looking at me like I'm some sort of moron and we're still trying to figure out what it means...but anyway. She loves airplanes. Every time she hears one, she stops and goes to a window to look up. So Bear was watching the most tedious pilot instruction video ever and he taught her the sign. Now when she sees or hears a plane, she throws the airplane sign and smiles. What fun!

Just think what fun the naysayers will have in about 2 years when it's time for her to go to school and she ends up at the school FOR KIDS WHO CAN'T/WON'T TALK!


Seriously. My mind is all over the place. I think I have ADD. The only time I was ever task oriented was in the 80's when I may or may not have been under the influence of what could have been known as a speed-like substance. Man, I can never run for political office thanks to 'cache'ing....

Where was I? Oh! No focus. But I'm working on it. Developing my own little strategies, as it were....

*moving day
I talked to Mark, who continues to rue the day....and the new and improved site should be available for viewing within the week.

*all things doctor related
I put everyone's appointments on the calendar. We all know when and where we're supposed to be getting poked and prodded. I feel like a medical secretary. And we all know how I feel about being a secretary...

I finally did a bloglines thing. I read over 50 blogs. No wonder my eyes hurt and my house is a disaster and my roots need doing and my nail are unpainted and speaking of unpainted, hey, how about the fucking teddybear trim in our guest room.....


I tried to email a zipped folder so Mark could trickify the pictures for my ROLLING FLASH BANNER *swoons with excitement* and I couldn't email it so I had to attache 5 photos to 6 emails and I'm pretty sure Mark is rueing and taking down all virtual presence links so I can't reach him.....

I had to cancel on my pals visiting Boston because I'm exhausted. The thought of packing up Miss Rio and heading to Boston for breakfast and then coming home in time for her one measely nap and getting the housework done and shopping and figuring out the logistics of the trip to Connecticut tomorrow...ugh! So I called and she is a very good friend who didn't make me feel lame for one second. A feat these days...so we're going to Connecticut to see some grandparents tomorrow. Luckily, Bear and I love to travel in the car together cuz we have actual talk time uninterrupted. I miss that guy these days...

*messy messy messy
There are a few rooms in the house that are disasterous. I need bookshelves and elves to put the books away. I need fun containers and things that stack but are safe for babies to hang off and a way to cut the nails of dogs who insist they don't need nails cut and ways to sort the copious amount of paper laying around and time to put the plastic sheets containing recipes I cut out all the time into some sort of order and a way to massage my wrists while typing cuz they're getting sore and maybe a source for oxygen masks CUZ I KEEP FORGETTING TO BREATHE!!!! I'm kind of a mess. Not sure why. Just sure that I'm kind of a mess these days. I suspect I know the real reason but avoidance is in my genes....

*Brad Pitt sucks
I used to enjoy his stupid movies. I used to be able to lose myself in the heist, giggle at his twitching insanity, marvel at the smart roles he chose....not so much anymore. I've been dying to see this but the whole time I had some stupid National Inquirererer discussion running through my head.

"Intense look there. I wonder if they were fucking yet."
"Hot scene. I wonder if they were fucking yet."
"Looks rough. I wonder if they were fucking yet."
"Her back is 'hangy' in that shot. Hahahaha! I wonder if they were fucking yet."
"Vince Vaugh might be as hott as Brad. I wonder if they were fucking yet.Brad and Angelina, not Brad and Vince...."

Honestly. The soundtrack in my head has an audible buzz......

top 5 reasons I am the world's worst secretary

1) I throw things
I just threw everything off my desk in a fit of pique. I'm working with the Benny Card people, who I hate, and I have to justify our purchases at fucking CVS cuz, you know, we're buying cars and furs there with our cafeteria spending plan....yeah, so, I couldn't find tape on my messy desk so I cleared it by throwing everything on the floor. Now I have tape to tape the receipts for the things OUR INSURANCE COMPANY WOULDN'T PAY FOR SO THAT'S WHY THE AMOUNT IS WEIRD...I now can tape the receipts and fax them.

2) I swear a lot
I was trying to fax the taped receipts and they are too fat for the fax machine so it rejected them twice and quit the transmission and printed me a NICE FUCKING COCKSUCKING SHEET THAT EXPLAINS THE SON OF A BITCH PAPER GOT JAMMED. Twice. I said the capitalized words out loud.

3) I could never have an office affair
I hate having to take care of this shit so much, and I swear about it so loud, that no matter what I wear or how provocative I may be, I'd never be approached for the old 'on the desk' action, because I am seething with fury which makes me furrow my brow, negating any provocativity...

4) I suck at this job
I got this memo from the big man (Bear) the first week in November. They will be turning our card off again on December 5th if they don't receive the substantiation. I'm just getting around to it now and I totally have an attitude about it.

5) I have high expectations
If my boss gave me some lame holiday flowers, I'd have even more attitude. I would much prefer something like this from Dotflowers because I like the message about the affection and respect. And it costs over $200 bucks. So, if my boss gave me his credit card in that ultimately condescending manner of 'buy yourself something pretty' I would most certainly get a $200 casket piece AND the Godiva goodie bucket because nothing says "I am defining my own holiday bonus" like beautiful (and expensive and casket) flowers and a bucket of chocolately goodness.

*If you're a secretary, seething at your desk and fighting with office equipment and your boss tosses you a card with a 'take care of this for me' on the way to his 3 martini lunch, get yourself some of theeeeese! Can anyone tell what I'm supposed to be doing while I'm blogging?!

evaluation update

First of all, thanks for the kind words. You guys are the best!

There were no real surprised in the evaluation. She's at about 13 months for gross motor and for expressive ability. I know those 2 are tied together, and she is babbling more as she walks more.

Considering they average in her lack of verbal speech and have no math for her extensive sign language (!), she came out at 20 months cognitive. That's great. I know she's worlds ahead of the curve on those sorts of things so I don't worry much. I really just want to know that the physical toll on her little body from the torticollis and plagiocephaly is being resolved. I don't want her to walk in flat-footed circles and have some specialist say, "We totally coulda fixed that a year earlier....", so we evaluate and therapize and worry.

Fun things from her eval:

*They try to get her to use a ruler to fish something out from under the couch and thank GOD I vacuumed this morning! So, the woman shoves the toy under and hands Rio the ruler. Rio hands it back and signs 'help'. The woman does nothing so Rio signs 'help' with great vigor and raised eyebrows. The woman still waits passively. Rio chucks the ruler in her lap and walks off. So much for that test!

*They want to know about drinking from a cup. How much spilling? How adept is she? At this time when they said 'drink' she signed it and handed one woman a water bottle. The woman said 'no' so Rio took the top off and drank it herself. With no spills. From the bottle. She passed that one!

*They give her little blocks to stack. She should be able to stack 3. She stacked 7. Twice.

Loads of other cute little Rio things. Then she tired of the women and signed for 'sleep'. I said, 'Can you wait a minute?' and she shook her head 'no' and signed 'sleep' again. So, she went down for her nap.


Same as last time. I know her so well. I know she understands and I know she's the kind of person who wants to be able to do something well before she tries it. She is very much an observer and you can see the wheels grinding in her head. I know if she had to, she could probably talk quite well. But she signs very well and that's good for her for now. I hope we don't have to beef about this in the future, but I don't want to worry about things that haven't happened yet so I'm taking a pass on this issue for now. If she couldn't sign, she'd be frustrated, and probably hungry! She would NOT have such shiny teeth and I would be seeing her sad face much more often so....

She is walking. She's made 6 months of progress in 6 months so the therapy people are pleased. I love her more and more every minute and I now understand the concept of infinity.

It's just, it's just, having professionals check out your child and check boxes and make decisions and judge her....

I wonder if we have any gin around here....