I lost a post...

If you've seen it, please help it finds its way home.


I've been reading some excellent blogs lately. There are a lot of talented MFs out there, you know who you are. I am inspired to set up my links, at long last. But first, a nap.

The babe has dropped another 4 centimeters...

But that doesn't really mean anything. And they can't do anything about my pinched nerve in my foot til after I have the baby. And I can expect to keep sleeping horribly. And there is no way to tell when I'll be attempting the Herculean task of passing the child through what promises to be an inadequately wide passage.....I feel like crap and I'm so sick of hearing myself whine that I could just puke. Yeah.

That's all I got...

Tonight when Bear gets home we'll put the crib together, together. I've decided I want a giant fuzzy white rug in the nursery despite the fact that it may be one of my stupider calls. It's what I want. Today, anyway.

I'm starting to get nervous as hell about the impending arrival. I've always been super independent and self sufficient. My life has changed soooo much these past few years. I never thought I'd get married and certain didn't want to have children alone so now I'm this married soon to be mother and I don't really have a game plan for that. I'm the girl who can talk her way into sold out concerts and then get backstage. I've moved to another part of the country because the weather has been bad for weeks where I was living. I have ridden unconventional and borderline unstable to great heights and have had more fun than one person should be allowed.

And now, I don't really know what to think of myself. This isn't a big crisis. I'm here cuz I'm ready to be here. I'm an excellent wife and I love the skin off my husband. I believe we have what it will take to still be laughing together in old age. He is everything I never knew to wish for. The whole child thing is what is getting me today.

What if I am a complete embarrassment to the child?

What if s/he is really weird and hates school and becomes a target for bullies?

What if s/he rebels and joins the Republican party and believes that the disenfranchised are a bunch of whiners?

What if I'm a terrible mother because I have no real role model....

Let's just chalk this all up to hormones....

Busy busy

I'm on the way to get felt up by the doc. Well, that's probably not the technical term for what we'll be doing....so I have to shower.

Great post

I'll link to it later and expand.....


I read 2 complete books this morning and don't feel the lesser for all the skipped words.

I'm ready

My fingers are incredibly painfully swollen every morning, I'm wretchedly uncomfortable, I have a pinched nerve in my heel which kills, today I was nauseous for hours and I have no energy and no ability to sleep. Um, is the last stage of pregnancy supposed to feel like Hell on earth?!

The pictures were so popular....

Here is one of me last May being a birthcoach for my pal MC and baby O. I'd been up for 40 or so hours and hardly noticed. I sucked the stuff out of his nose when he was born, helped to wipe off all the goo, held him for MC so she could kiss him, gave him his first bath, changed his diapers and swaddled him while MC recovered from the birth. He roomed in and I stayed with them for days. It was wonderous and beautiful and I had no idea at that time that I would be embarking on the same mission. She's been more of a help than she'll ever know. And that boy is one fine toddler today, let me tell you. Adorable, funny, infectious laugh and in my unbiased opinion, he should be on billboards or baby food jars somewhere..... I miss them loads.

y'all want this party started riiiiiight?

Bear said, "Post some damned pictures today. You know how bored I get at work." I probably shouldn't tell you that he works in the development of security systems, right? I mean, the image of Homer flipping the plutonium core over his shoulder just jumps to mind, eh?! So, for Bear, here are some pictures.

Daytona Bitch
With my gram and I'm just 8 months pregnant here. Hated maternity bathing suits and figured, "What the hell? Might as well start embarrassing our progeny early....."

I sure as hell look pregnant now, huh?

I am almost 9 months here. I got up to cook breakfast for Bear and he decided to keep himself amused by taking loads of pictures. And laughing. A lot. Dick.

After a couple of dozen pics this is what I was feeling...

I feel like I should explain my outfit.....I can't stand to be clothed most of the time. I throw on whatever cuz I haven't hung curtains in the kitchen and I'm sick of the letters of protest from the neighbors. Maybe they should put away the binoculars.... So, Bear wanted breakfast and I threw this get up on and hit the kitchen. As if I needed a reminder that my brain is shot....

Birthday Bear

Here is himself, sprawled on the furniture at his mom's house. She always makes your favorite dinner for you on your birthday. She's really good at making you feel *special*.

Just a favorite of mine...

We were goofing around on the ferry. He had just done one of his super silly looks and was laughing it off when I caught this one. He is a smiley guy and his smile makes me smile and my smile makes him smile and, well, you get the whole stupid message, right?!

The Pillow Experiment

In an effort to keep Jack and Hobbes off the furniture I spread the pillows out everywhere to dissuade them from lying about. Fat lot of good that did, as you can see.

Last but not least - Hooters Hobbes!

Hobbes like to dress up. If I wasn't so lazy/tired/hormonally imbalanced I could take a picture of him every day. Yesterday he had on a yenta necklace that my mother gave me. Weird gold loops with giant carnelians in the center of each. Probably cost a fortune and I let Hobbes wear it :) Anyway, I took off my t-shirt one morning and he put his head under it so I let him wear it. He wore it ALL.DAY.LONG. and was still wearing it when Bear got home from work. I think he's got it going on over at least half the Hooters' girls, yes? And he DOES have a great personality, too....

tonight's the night...

Is it just me or is Rod Stewart fabulous? Ok, it's just me. One of the many oddities of me is my musical taste. I run the COMPLETE gamut from top 40 (I could beat BaBaBooie) to chic music to Billie Holiday to grunge to classical to southern rock to 70's shlock. People who don't know me well or long form an opinion about how sophisticated I must be in every aspect of my life and then they are all shocked that I'm killing myself to get tickets for the upcoming Cyndi Lauper show.....but I digress.

Tonight's the night I'm going to post pictures. Pictures of the unbelievably awesome window treatments I made with my friend Orra. Pictures of my belly in all its glory on Daytona Beach. One of my favorite sexy pictures of Bear. Maybe even the picture of Mare and me on the bar at Hogs and Heffers, bras in hand. Maybe not that one. But definitely the others.

Home Cheapo

Not mine. Greg dropped that while he was here. He's taking my man on a run there so he can build in the bookcases around the giant TV and build the giant TV into the wall so our basement fun room can be MTV Cribs ready. It is close ;)

That said...

My brother just called to know "exactly what we're doing RIGHT THIS MINUTE and do we want to have lunch with him and the boy?!" He's sooooo fucking wired, that kid. And he's nearing a month late to lend a hand with the pre-babe projects, but anyway.... No lunch. We're headed to the shoe repair place because all of the sudden my man is into the goofy shoes I've been buying him for years. Maybe you'll get a picture of his newest shoes - Prada-esque bowling shoes. So perfect on him. He's slowly but surely allowing me to update his wardrobe from 1985.....
i wish i could remember who i sent the link to my blog to cuz i have a
lot of disgusting stories to share...

Yeah, so, last year I sent the link to bunches of people and now I kind of sort of wonder who's lurking. And then I think, "Who gives a fat rat's ass?!"

That said, Bear and I are complete freaks of nature. We had some toe curling (AND flexing), goosebump raising, disturbing the dogs lovemaking first thing this morning. Absolutely fabulous. I am truly blessed. Of course, face down helps us both overlook certain 'conditions'.....

i'm waaaaay behind on email

So if I owe you a reply, just know it's on my mind and I'll get there sooooon.


*swollen fingers
*swollen feet
*the odd sensation of something headbutting me from inside my vagina
*uncontrollable crying
*fascination with the color of my nipples
*dreams of babies and drug dealing philanthropist art collectors and other weird dreams

must be getting close to time.

Daytona Beach and how I rocked it

I finally downloaded vaca pics of me 8 months pregnant and all bikini'd up. I'll upload later cuz one certain deep woods animal is bugging the shit out of me right now to go do his fool's errands....
Na na na na nana, you say it's your birthday....

Happy Birthday to the Bear. Thirty eight today. A round of applause.....

Me and the boys got him a few little giftie-nifties and I'm waiting for the big one to be delivered. My timing is so far off with this pregnancy. I can't remember a damned thing. One of the joys ;)

I'm loving Circuit City

Bear did purchase a zillion dollars worth of TV equipment in anticipation of always being broke once we have a chitlin. There were a bunch of rebates and gift cards and whatnot. I FINALLY sat down this morning to fill them all out and send them in only to discover most of the deadlines had passed. For $5 bucks, no problem. For over $500, I called the rebate center. A very nice boy (sounded like a boy) changed some stuff around so I can submit them and then, then he said, "Ciao!" when hanging up. How absolutely adorable! Not to mention we're getting a bunch of gift cards and cash back rebates....life is good.

American Red Cross and their superior follow up workers

I finally convinced Bear to give blood. I've secretly signed him up for organ donorship, as well, but that's another story.....

So, we gave blood. The last time I gave blood I was actually blissfully unaware of my pregnant status! So, they call to schedule for a follow up appointment...the call and call until they actually get some blood out of you. The last guy who called looking for me who talked to Bear learned I am expecting.

blood dude: Really? Congratulations! When is she expecting?
bear: Mid to late July.
blood dude: (pause) Ok, can I sign her up for November?

I mean, really! But I do admire their perseverance.

still no BB

It is getting to the awkward phase of we haven't talked in so long. I think about calling him but I'm still a bit peeved and hate to call just to say I didn't really want to call, know what I mean?

things are shaping up around here

Nursery is painted. Awaiting furniture.
Measuring has been done for the downstairs media project. Believe it or not, that is good news.
House is getting recognizable as a clean house. That is good news, too.
We still don't have names FOR CERTAIN, but we're not worried about it. Stupid, but good, yes?

I've been reading my favorite blogs and I'll be posting soon. I have a couple of high priority things around here and then I'll dive into making my blog a more enjoyable place. Thanks for stopping by, know that pictures are imminent, and my exhaustion has made me so fucking boring I can hardly stand myself ...
O.K., I (Bear) can't take it anymore...

I've been waiting for an update on this blog but I'm getting old too fast, so here goes...

The Honda Element, you know - that box of a dorkmobile that you see cruising around suburbia, has been researched for almost a year now by scientists at Lawrence Livermore National Labs. You see, it's called the Element because Honda engineers stumbled across this unique compound that they were able to isolate, reproduce under controlled conditions, and then extrude into steel-like blanks, from which the appropriate car parts were manufactured. The scientists realized that this was a new, basic element that needed to be classified and incorporated into the Periodic Table of Elements, so they got to work. It seems, amazingly, that this new element can only be used to construct Honda's new dorkmobile. Based on this remarkable conclusion, they named the new element: St, for STUPIDIUM.

So, it's a bad joke...whatever.

Have you ever been driving down the highway behind somebody who has left their blinker on? You know - they use it to merge when they get on, but there wasn't enough of a turn of the wheel to self-cancel, so it doesn't click off and they are distracted enough that they don't notice. Do you say "What an idiot!" and secretly hate them for being so stupid? And then quickly glance down to make sure that your blinker isn't blinking?

Yeah, me neither...

As you can probably tell, I drive a lot. Too much, actually.
can we all say 'overscheduled'?!

Mykal is here painting. I could just about kiss him! He is fast, clean, friendly and my doggers are madly in love with him. We picked a color and my friend Orra made some perfect curtains and valences so I'll post a picture when we get the room put together. It is starting to feel official, which is good since on Wednesday I'll be 36 weeks pregnant....

brand new symptoms

I have a tearing/pushing pressure in my pelvis area. Supposedly normal. Great.

Peeing, sorry, is back to the number 1 priority of the day. About 42 times a day to be exact. AND all through the night. Fun. I'm on the phone with the doctor's office right now because all of the sudden I have a zillion questions about delivery and why my heel hurts and is swelling really an indicator and should we stop shtupping or what?!

I haven't finished reading all the books I had wanted to and I'm starting to feel really freaked out about a million things. Bear is great at helping me keep my head on straight but he IS gone all day and my thoughts do race....

shopping should help

So my MIL just called and she had a cancellation so we're going to hit BabiesRUs and finish the registry. I just updated what I think we'll really need without getting all commercialized so the list is short and manageable. Yeah, right. But we really don't want to have 8 million pieces of plastic and every gadget known to mankind. I'd like to think I'll be entertaining enough on my own :) See, I am obviously delusional.

crazy family update

I am really liking how my relationship with my father is developing. For those who've fallen behind-I didn't meet him til I was 30! There's a LOT to tell, but now right now.... My sister (same aforementioned father and his second wife...) is doing summer school and I so miss her tons. Wisconsin is too far away. My mother and I had a brawl and she did the usual - didn't call for a week and then called all like nothing was wrong. Nice coping tool, eh?! AND my brother blew me off last weekend for the second week in a row and hasn't even called this week. I'm ever so slightly frustrated with him right now. Oh, and my feelings are terribly hurt, as well....

really quickly...

I know I've been slacking...life is really speeding up around here. My friend Orra came for a few days and we found excellent material for curtains for all of our naked windows. Pictures will follow soooooon.

baby update
I had my 35 week appointment yesterday. The baby has dropped a solid 3 or 4 inches which evidently means it'll be a little sooner than anticipated. Sandra, my nurse friend, said that the dropping and swelling would seem to say, get ready!

THAT would be lovely. My feet look so grotesque I can't bear to glance upon them. I may look silly in my Ugg boots all the time, but I really don't give a fat rat's ass right about now. Seeing that so many things make me cry, not looking is the best I can do right now.

some guys are such weinies

Day 2 of trying to return stuff to Home Depot....we get in line and there is a man getting worship whiplash watching a moderately attractive blond woman in what appeared to be doll clothes leaving the Depot. He actually had his mouth open and was so obvious and creepy. I offered to hold his place in line if he needed to go outside so-as not to lose sight of her.

him: Huh?
me: Sure, you seemed entranced. Maybe you should go talk to her. It has been known to work.
him: Right, actually, my fiance is right about in the same condition you are.
me: So, you're just a jackass looking for an ass whooping?
him: Yeah, I guess so.

The great thing about Bear is he ogles with such respect for the human body. I know he's not immune to looking, I don't expect him to be. I love looking at beautiful bodies, too. Just try not to drool. Especially at Home Depot. It gets mixed with the sawdust and dirt and must be difficult to clean...

And now, I really must retire for my afternoon nap before my every sleeping moment is dictated by the baby Bear ;)
frosted ass

I had a therapist (my last one) who really helped me a lot. Not a lot of mumbo jumbo "let's taaaaaalk about it" bullshit, we did EMDR. Look it up if you're interested. Helped to put the trauma of my childhood out of my throat and in a more appropriate mental loop. Bah!

One thing this brilliant woman said was, "It's amazing to me that you have so much hope when it comes to the members of your family."

I was thinking of that today because I'm still pissed at my brother, BB. I mentioned that he blew me off again to go to Tennessee for- not a fool's errand, a complete jackass' errand! It occured to be that he always tells me that something's come up, but he obviously never says that to anyone else when he's promised ME he'd do something for/with me. My feelings are hurt. I'm pissed off. AND I can' really say anthing to him because he won't talk to me until he had another seizure and one of his friends will call. I love him more than anything but today I'm sad that it has to be this way.

No real point, just moving books/bookshelves/pictures/garbage and thinking it would be more fun with him around....
Jelly Bellys

This is my excellent brother-in-law. He's married to Bear's sister, referred to here as SIL. This picture was taken after the shower last weekend. SIL emailed it and probably didn't think it was intended for public consumption but, hell, I'm pregnant and bound to do crazy things!

My BIL is a funny dude. And very talented when it comes to rounding out those abs. And here I am in all my 8 1/2 month glory. I've been to Daytona so I have a little color and I did wear my bikini down there. Much fun, much fun.

I am all belly, as you can see. Happy as all hell and definitely scared. This should be interesting ;)
:: sometimes I just don't get him ::

Luckily, those moments are few and far between. I just left him downstairs, fully engrossed in Terminator III. In Spanish. I'm guessing you're guessing that he doesn't speak a word of Spanish. Still, unable to tear himself away. In his defense - there isn't much dialogue. But still....
sleep would be so lovely

I really shouldn't complain because I only have to get up once or twice during the night to tinkle. Of course, I've heard the horror stories of women who spent months on end in the bathroom-voiding. So, I'm not so much complaining as I am completely exhausted. AND I can't seem to sleep past the crack of dawn. I was up at 6 am today. THAT, my friends, is sleeping in. I definitely feel more possessed than ever lately....

all educated up and nowhere to go

I finished another shlock novel this morning. "Gideon." Can't really recommend it, but it is a nice beach read. Twisted little plot that sends you back to the scene of the wickedest twist to say, "Yeah, I really did read into that so it's conceivable that it went down like that." But what a stretch! Anyway, now that I'm officially magna cum educated all I do is clean the house and read bad novels. I wonder if I can get any of my money back.....

BB strikes again

Yeah, so, after allowing him to sleep in, I called again around 4pm.

BB: I was JUST gonna call you!

me: Really? I must be psychic.

BB: Yeah, uh, well, we were gonna mail the band flyers to Tennessee (for the upcoming stoner-fest that I can't remember the name of....) but it was going to cost $600 so me and EasyE are going to drive them to Tennessee.

me: Uh, it's going to cost $600 in gas to drive there and back!

BB: No it isn't. I'll definitely try to stop by on Sunday on the way through....or I'll be there next weekend to help with the nursery. Love you. *click*

Obviously he gets his logic skills from my mother. I guess I have to get to the place where I realize that I can really only count on a few people. Very few. One of them is sleeping so soundly in bed but I'm going to make him french toast and bring it to him there. Because I know that he's going to get up and do all the things that need to be done and he'll be pretty goddamned entertaining whilst doing it.


hoffman syndrome

Speaking of my funnyman..... He comes home yesterday from a new neurophysical (?) doctor as he tries and tries to recover from January's car accident.

Bear: This guy is so smart. He took out all these kinesiology books to show me exactly what he was talking about. And he did all these tests and showed me on a giant chart exactly how the nerve bundles grow from infancy through adulthood. It was fascinating!

me: *wrinkling forehead hoping I never have to go to this guy*

Bear: And he said I have 'Hoffman Syndrome.' You know what that is? (At this point he begins to hold his fingers up in weird configurations, flicking certain ones in an effort to recreated the tests the doc was doing. He looked silly.)

It means I'm hyper reflexive. The doc asked if I had superior hand eye coordination. ( I immediately thought of his drumming skills and juggling skills. Here's a hint: His drumming practice sessions are 40 second spats of drumming punctuated with loud "Fuck!"s when he misses something. His juggling, while impressive, causes the dogs to leave the room lest they be beaned again.)

me: Does this syndrome explain why you have to hang your mouth open for your hyper reflexivity super duper hand eye coordination to kick in?!

Evidently, there is no direct correlation. Go figure.

So.... I am going to ask Bear to put comments back on my page. I'm going to change it one more time if I can find a template I really like and I'm going to take a picture of our newly mango sanctuary :) Looks like another busy morning.

Um, so, I lost all the comments with this lime green phase of mine. It looks like the template should be relatively easy to manipulate so I took the plunge. Sorry. You know I find you all terribly fascinating. If my appt. is much later, I'll try to figure out which comments are best and add them...... just crap!
BB, or baby brother, update

Called him at 11:30. He's still in bed. Asked if I'd call back later. Suuuuure.

more showers in the forecast

My friends Sandra and Linda are hosting one on Sunday. Couples, BBQ by the famous Bacon Bill, and kids and others are invited. I am feeling okay about this one because the last one went so well. PLUS-mommie dearest won't be at this one....

I hate late

And my 11:30 is now 43 minutes late. I am always on time. Perhaps my haphazard childhood experiences with the arbitrarinous of "I'll be there to pick you up" has left scars. But I hate late. AND I usually have total attitude when the late one arrives. Palpable attitude. That I can't escape. Unattractive. Oh well. No one's perfect, right?!

for my next trick....

My next post will contain pictures and a few of the funny stories Bear thinks I should share.....
and for a nice change; anticlimax ;)

He walked into the bedroom and said, "The comforter looks different."

It took him a solid 30 seconds to notice the room was immaculate AND a completely different color. He's very tired and I am too so it's off to bed for us.

He did stop at the Body Shop for some delicious lotion for my feet AND he rubbed them for half an hour. *sigh* He is the best and I know he'll be an amazing father. Our little baby is going to be sooooo lucky.

AND...my brother just called to say he'll be here tomorrow. Can't wait! Or, yes I can....
I hate the new Blogger even more now

Did you know that if you make your first line bold, and then try to insert italics from the above simple and tempting menu, that all your writing disappears? Yah, me neither. Three times. Damnit!

I am being a very good wife today...

Bear has to be in New Hampshire today for some sort of secret thing. He could have a whole other family, but I know he needs lots of sleep so he probably doesn't have time...Anyway, where was I? Oh! We have been seriously discussing his rather high blood pressure and his need to get more/some exercise. At this point it just may be bugging him that I'm not blowing up like a Jiffy Pop popper. Allll belly. Almost cute, in an alien has taken over my body sort of way....

So, I recommended he walk Hobbes in the morning. I challenged him, I daresay. He bet me a crisp Benjamin that he would do it every day. I said 3 days a week is a nice start and the bet was on. Day one, it was over.

And I quote, "If I give you a hundred will you shut the fuck up and let me sleep?" At least that's what his growl sounded like. Well, I took that hundred and hired a friend of my SIL to paint our bedroom today, while Bear is off being a super spy. He is going to be so surprised and relieved. Our calendar for June has all the stuff we need to do to prepare for BabyM's arrival and our bedroom isn't even on it! It is the only room in the house that didn't get painted since we bought the place. The people we bought it from were a bit schkeevy so it's high time. It's going to be a deep marigold/mango sort of color. I hope he doesn't hate it. Maybe I'll take a picture and post it. Yeah, I should do that.....

A great picture that WILL be posted tomorrow was sent by said SIL. Her husband can blow out his belly to look like he's pregnant. After the shower when he and Bear descended for left-overs, we posed with our bellies touching. Fun stuff. I am lucky in in-laws, I'll tell you!

by the by

My brother is officially 11 days late to come and help me box books. He does call every few days to say he's on his way, so I know he's alive. But 11 days? What the hell?
june showers bring well dressed babies...

Really quickly cuz I'm exhausted and headed for bed. My fabulous MIL and equally fabulous SIL threw me an unbelievable baby shower. I usually hate the things, but this one was so nice I hardly seemed to notice where I was :) Great food and when I was done opening gifts my SIL had written what each person gifted us on the back of their envelope. She is an organizational maven.

My mother was 1.5 hours late. She wanted a haircut and I insisted on a full hour of playtime for her ridiculously poorly behaved dog before I was comfortable leaving them alone. She got here 20 minutes before I had to walk out the door. I had a total meltdown, with sobs and difficulty breathing.

me (after I had calmed myself down): You know this is difficult for me and I'm uncomfortable. I really needed you to be on time today. That's why I'm so upset.
mother: Well, I can't be responsible for the traffic.
me: You needed to leave plenty of time for incidentals so this wouldn't happen.
mother: I did leave plenty of time.
me: OBVIOUSLY you did not.
mother: Well, I did.

Fuck sensible conversations and honesty. I'm going to start busting her in the chops. Ugh, I'll tell all tomorrow. Tonight-I must rest and snuggle my wonderful husband.

Sleep tight.

Sorry for the long absence. My heart is a bit fonder for it, how about yours?!

I'll ease in today and then try to be more consistent. I'm at that lovely stage of just frigging exhausted all the time. I wake up tired in the morning and tired after a nap and ready to fall into bed every night. Fun stuff.


You know I have a pitbull, Hobbes. He is nicknamed the Bunny Man because he is such a snuggle face. When I woke up for the second time** today, he gets up from the end of the bed and comes around for a look-see. So he walked around my feet and up the right edge of the bed to swing around for my morning face wash. During the execution of his edge pirouette his tail hit the lampshade on the bedside table. He is a bit skittish. Well, the sound/sensation scared the Bunny Man and he leapt straight up into the air about 2.5 feet off the bed and right over me and almost off the other side. I was hysterical. I love that crazy mutt. Endlessly entertaining.

** I woke up the first time today at 3am sharp. Bear was sound asleep and laughing his head off. Really laughing. Hard! I couldn't get back to sleep so I wrote some thank you notes from graduation. I wonder what the heck was so funny!
Uh, testing....